We saw a couple in a store one time. The wife started speaking louder and sounded pretty upset.
To my husband it seemed that she was upset without much reason. He didn’t see or hear anything before that so she probably was overreacting.
To me, it was obvious that she was exhausted from the broken communication between the two of them.
We neither one ever found out what was the reason for their argument that day several years ago.
But marriage has been under attack since Adam and Eve.
We want to blame.
Whatever has happened (and it looks different in each situation) HOW do you find the way to truly forgive and still live with someone who caused such damage?
The enemy wants to separate and isolate each of us and he does this in about a billion custom-designed, clever ways (including all those things we run to for imitation comfort.)
Here’s the best answer I can find.
“You want to make this a fight of flesh and blood.
But it’s not.
It’s spiritual with the powers of darkness.
The enemy is AFRAID of what YOU can truly become.”
-the movie King’s Faith
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. -Ephesians 6:12
Prayer. And The Incredible Power of The God behind the prayer.
God, ONLY YOU KNOW the inside of each marriage. Please heal broken lives and hearts. Please revive and make stronger what has been under attack for so very long. Please let Your words be spoken and let us see each other with Your eyes. In Jesus’ Name, please God, Amen.
[P.S. I’ve found this helps with more than just marriage. I try to remember this now when I’m upset with anyone or any situation: There’s probably ALWAYS more than we can see.]
[Note: Forgiveness and staying daily in a dangerous situation are NOT the same things (though there are those who disagree.) I will ALWAYS pray for safety for everyone. If you need to get out, I pray for you to get out safely.]
She would not share her crayons or glue with me. We were grown ups. We were working in child care and every two rooms were supposed to share crayons, glue, and supplies between all the kids.
She did not want to share her crayons and glue. She talked ugly to me and about me every day.
I talked to someone about it. He said I should ask her why.
There was NO WAY I wanted to go up to this angry, knife throwing, butterfly crusher woman and ask her why she wouldn’t share her crayons…
Preparing for the battle, I prayed, read Scripture out loud, and praised in song so that I’d have on the best armor.
I knew the next time she threw darts at my head I’d speak peace to her. It seemed she’d be pretty mad if I did this but my job was important and the need for income and to care for these kids outweighed whatever she’d do to me.
Right on cue as expected she tore into me, roaring loudly and cutting me down in front of all the teachers and children.
I calmly and genuinely said something like, “I’m very sorry. Please tell me what I have done to offend you. You seem really angry at me and I’m not sure what I’ve done to you.”
Right there in front of me she broke into a hundred tears.
She cried and said she was so sorry. She had just recently moved here, she was miserable and she’d been taking all her stress out on me.
I was stunned.
The next time someone won’t share her crayons and glue with you remember there’s probably not anything you did. There’s probably stuff underneath that is creating anxiety or fear and it comes out as anger. Put on your storm gear and walk softly into the storm.
Your soft words may be a welcome and unexpected surprise and let her finally talk through her pain.
[Important Note: Some marriages are broken from the beginning. Please don’t bully people into staying in abusive situations. You also don’t have to hate divorced people. God hates divorce, but He never, ever said He hates divorced people.]
What I believe happens is that satan throws stones at us. He throws one at my husband and whispers to him that I did it and throws one at me and tells me that my husband threw it. Then he sits back and watches, hoping what he’s done will cause damage and confusion.
We have power over this. We are given power by God. If we claim God as our Savior we have nothing to fear. Do not be afraid.
I tried to figure out WHY marriage would be this hard. How come we argued so much and so often? I’ve had other relationships and they weren’t this difficult at all.
That’s when it hit me. Through my tears I realized that satan has done this. Somehow we allowed the enemy to get a foothold and a stronghold.
Here’s what God showed me:
We’re sitting. I’m reading a book and he’s watching T.V. and I feel a hard hit to my head. I spin around in anger and say, “Why did you throw that at me?!”
My husband, who has also received a rock to the head, fights back, saying, “Me? You threw this at me!”
So satan stands back and keeps whispering to us all the negative things about each other and enjoys the confusion he’s created. Then we realize in a sudden moment of clarity what has happened. We drop the rocks, drop to our knees, and pray together. Then is satan ever mad! But we push him out the door together and he shrinks into a tiny puff of nothing.
Think about this. The enemy doesn’t have a need to go after people he’s already got.
If you’re having a tough time it may be because you’re doing something right.