A marriage relationship is important and tough (probably tougher than any other relationship ever in the whole world, in my opinion) and totally worth the work.
I’m always looking for simple ways to help relationships be as close and as healthy as they can be. My husband and I have just started doing a few new things for our marriage and we’re noticing this one could be helpful in possibly any relationship.
Here is one experiment we’ve just started a couple weeks ago (and we’re both loving it!)
Every morning we have decided to say (out loud to each other) something good we have noticed or something good that we like about each other.
“One thing I like about you is _____________.”
We get too busy in life sometimes, ya know? With work, school, church, kids, housework, bills, finances, volunteering, rough times, health problems, and a billion more things we can forget to nurture important foundations and critical relationships. It’s not that we mean to; but it’s just that life happens and sometimes we let moments go by that need attention.
(Sweet note: The look on my husband’s face as he speaks is so beautiful and something that’s been hiding for a little while. It’s really nice to see the thought behind his words as he says something kind about me and to me. Sometimes he’s just remembering good things from the past and those are good to hear also. I can’t help but think he may be feeling the same way as he hears me speak good things about him, too. It’s heart-healing.)
This is proving to be a great idea.
One thing it does is it helps us THINK about the positive things during each day (and night) because we know we need to tell each other something we like about each other every day.
(And the negative stuff seems to constantly already be lurking around and threatens to remind us of things we DON’T like about each other… Not sure about you but we’ve had ENOUGH of that!)
Another important result of this experiment is that we’re BOTH getting to HEAR some positive words in the morning. (Yes, it must be genuine and yes it can be something from the past or present. Actually, it could even be something positive we see in the future. Getting to hear blessings spoken over you is powerful.)
Our kids just told us they’d like to be included in this in the evenings. Good stuff can be contagious!
We ALL probably hear WAY too much negative stuff about ourselves (even from our own thoughts) and this is damaging to our brains, hearts, self esteem, and probably in a hundred other ways I’m not thinking to mention.
If you have a great marriage, that’s wonderful! Maybe this can just be icing. (And maybe you’re already doing this.) But many of us have a tougher time in marriage and my husband and I know this can help lots of people so we wanted to share this idea.
I believe absolutely EVERY person could benefit from hearing something good every day that someone notices about him or her.
Here’s one from me to you today: One thing I like about you (yes, you) is that you’re beginning to realize your value; you’re a very worthwhile person and you matter.
A) hear all the good things everyone thinks about you?
B) hear all the negative things everyone thinks about you?
C) hear both the positive and negative stuff people think about you?
D) not hear anything people think about you?
You know, I used to feel strongly that I’d want B- hear all the negative things everyone thinks about me because then I could decide where to spend my time trying to clear up misunderstandings. That would take a long time. And the truth is that nobody is going to like me all the time or even understand where I’m coming from because nobody has walked the life I’m walking.
Then later in life I decided that C- hear both positive and negative stuff would be best because some negative (spoken in love) would be good to help me know what I needed to change about me – and there are certainly things I work on every day to be a better mommy, wife, friend, and leader. And I’d also get to hear the positive things because sadly most of the time we ALL (and I rarely use the word ALL but in this case I believe it fits) don’t speak blessings over each other often enough.
For a little while I thought strongly about A- hear all the good things everyone thinks because possibly that would help with how I think of myself. – Or would it make me conceited? Don’t know but I don’t think so.
Someone shared a story about being deaf and not hearing what people say about you and that maybe not knowing would be best because you don’t hear the “noise” and the haters. – I believe deaf people do hear clearly some things that “hearing” people do not.
I think I will choose D and not hear what people (who do not know me) think of me. I will concentrate on what my Jesus thinks of me above anything else.
Just stuff I like to think about.
And I haven’t told you today that I’m glad you’re here in this place with me so I will now. I’m glad you’re here. You matter. I pray blessings over your life so big that you can’t help but see Him.
I went to a Christian college. That does not mean I’m perfect. That does not mean I’m good or bad. That means my parents wanted me to have the opportunity to get to have teachers and friends with hopefully a strong moral compass that would help lead my life toward Heaven.
We’re all sinners. ALL of us.
If I looked for the kids who were more like me (the “black sheep” of the family) I found them. If I wanted to find people with stronger character who were not afraid to show their faith, I found them. I loved all of the people I met. Some hurt me. Some did not. I wouldn’t go back and change anything because God has used each situation in my life and created something altogether good out of it.
Whatever you are looking for in any situation you will find. You want to find the problems, they’re there. You want to find the blessings, they’re there, too. The very same situation can provide both. Want something to complain about? You’ll certainly find it. Want something to praise God about? It is there. Always.
You know when someone says they feel called to adopt a child and so people pray for the adoption but sometimes we forget to pray for life AFTER the adoption. Then you hear people whisper, “Well, what’d they THINK was gonna happen?!”
Do not think for a second that the adoption wasn’t God-led. It was. But satan didn’t like it one bit. Sooo… there’s drama sometimes.
You know we pray all the time for our kids to finish high school and college but sometimes we forget to pray for AFTER high school and college. “Well just look at the crowd they fell in with.” Well from our experience with most churches, a kid leaves for college only to return to their home congregation to find they’re suddenly not welcome in the high school group anymore.
Then churches cry and say, “Where have we gone wrong with the 19 to 30 year olds?”
We have an idea…
You know how we prepare for the wedding but sometimes don’t spend as much time praying over the actual marriage. You sometimes even hear of people placing bets on marriages to see how long they’ll last.
PRAY over their marriage. Please don’t bet it won’t work.
We are moving to Alaska. We get crazy looks all the time. All we know is God is moving us there to love on people who are hurting and we’re a pretty good choice for this so I can’t figure why anyone would doubt it but that’s beside the point.
I came personally online (blog, Facebook, Twitter) TO find prayer warriors, connections, financial, and any other support we can find for this move.
If you pray, please start praying for our lives AFTER the move (and still for the move, itself) because honestly it’s a little scary. We’ve never been there.
It’s not like we’ve been saying, “Oh, look. Easy life in Alaska.” We’ve just shared our faith and that we know God’s moving us. What should we say? “No, God, that just won’t do.”
Um… not gonna to do that.
We’re moving in faith. Period.
So if you’re skeptical, that’s cool. You can still be skeptical AND please pray for my family as we take this step of faith?
Moving my kids to new friends and schools and all that goes with a big move is more than a little intimidating.
Thanks and may God bless you even more than you pray He blesses us.