People Cannot Give What They Don’t Have

Some people don’t have peace to offer you.

Some people have the opposite of love, joy, or peace…. I have something to say about this and you might like it. Give yourself room to think about this for a few minutes.

Instead of

Love, Apathy
(Instead of love, you feel neglected by people who don’t have love to give. If someone doesn’t know God he or she doesn’t know love. God is love. He says so.)

Instead of Joy, some choose Misery
(These are people who are complaining constantly about nothing and everything.)

Peace, Disharmony
(These may be people you meet or know who are agitated and angry at you or at the world and they are taking it out on you. There’s nothing resolved because they will not help find peace. They don’t have peace to offer.)

Patience, Intolerance
(People who are rushing you and pushing you then punishing you for your choices would be found in this category. And watch for body language because if it looks and feels like you’re not important to them, then listen better because you’re probably not. You are worth being cherished. Jesus says so.)

Kindness, Hostility
(This would be like when you can feel the heavy air in the room that makes you feel like you might vomit.)

Instead of Goodness, hearts are filled with Corruption
(Goodness is a Fruit of The Spirit. People who do not have goodness are often wicked and cruel. They do not show you or your feelings respect. Contrary to too many messages you’ve heard, you are worth respect.)

Gentleness, Hardness
(People who choose to say mean things and “jokes” that are cutting down instead of building you -and others- up are not filled with gentleness. And if you say you don’t like their jokes then they often say, “You can’t take a joke?” If it’s hurting you, listen better, and maybe you need to put some healthy space between you and the one(s) doing this stuff. Being “okay” includes emotional health and not just physical.)

Faithfulness, Treachery
(People who disregard your feelings and you feel unseen or violated when you’re spending time around them would be found in this category.)

Instead of Self Control, some people have Instability
(Constantly causing or being found in turbulence would be people you’ll find here. Also weakness in character is something to notice here.)

You come in contact with people (probably every day) who do not have The Fruits of The Spirit.

Maybe someone has been purposely mean to you (or about you.)

Maybe an event or a person is taking up too much space in your heart and your mind.

Perhaps it’s exactly what you need to focus on and perhaps it’s a distraction keeping you from what God would lead you to do today.

Prayer is where you’ll know what you need to be doing today with the time He gave you.

People show you what they know.
Are you listening well to what people show you about themselves?

Take a breath and read this and think for a few minutes.

Sometimes it’s just not about you. Lay down your SELF for a minute. (This means don’t get offended but just listen because it is not about you. Our world keeps drowning you saying in a hundred ways that you “should” be offended but you actually have a choice in this. You can CHOOSE not to get offended.)

Let this soak in.

Some people have gifts that others just don’t have.

When you spend time getting or staying offended by other people’s behavior it can waste too much of your precious time (that you cannot get back although God is able to redeem even time lost.)

Why are you shocked when people act in unkind ways?

Some people don’t have The Fruits of The Spirit. But instead of realizing this, people spend hours (and weeks and years) holding onto grudges and anger.

Hear me now. The enemy is glad to help you waste your time if you’re holding the anger because it’s a heavy blanket of unforgiveness that he creates just for you to snuggle up to.

God says your job is to let this go. Lay this down in prayer at the feet of Jesus. He tells you to give this to Him in prayer; cast ALL of it onto Him.

When you cast all this junk onto other people it just keeps hurting more people (including yourself.)
But if you’ll recycle it how God says to, you receive blessings including peace.

Some people are not loving.

Some people don’t know God, and I know this because God says if people do know Him then they know love. Some might know ABOUT Him and still not KNOW Him.

If they don’t know Him it’s like you’re asking someone who speaks Chinese to speak French.

Some just don’t know how.

It’s like being mad at someone who reads with their eyes to read a book to you in braille.

Some cannot see what others can see. (I know some physically blind people who can see much better than some who can physically see with their eyes.)

Stop wasting your life being mad or hurt by people who may even be doing this mean stuff on purpose.

People cannot give what they don’t have. (Can you hear me?)

Sometimes people assume you’re doing something against them because it’s how THEY THINK life works.

If you listen better to how people talk and watch their behavior you can begin to see who they are – even if they try to act a different way on the outside.

I don’t know about you but it’s taken a v e r y long time for me to listen better to people and not to try to repaint red flags when someone reveals who he or she is.

Even so… . Compassion goes a long way and if you’ve been given the Fruits of The Spirit then you have been given the extension of God’s grace to share with others. What a wonderful way to choose life!

Let me say it one more time. People don’t know what they don’t know.
This does not give an excuse for them to just run over you. That’s not what I’m saying.

They will be held accountable for how they treat others.

But this list came to me after praying about life for my kids as we all deal with new depths of unkindness every day around us in 2020.

It can be heart-healing when you consider for a minute that it’s not about you.
It’s just not.

Ultimately it’s about Christ and the relationship they have with Him – or don’t have.

You know The Fruits of The Spirit are
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self Control
Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Have you ever had a business and you told your employees or team to contact you every day?

What happens if they don’t?

God says to pray without ceasing. He wants us to stay in constant contact with Him.

Kind of like a business with some people who don’t represent a company well, sometimes people who call themselves Christians don’t represent Jesus well.

You don’t have to be mad about it. That’s not yours to carry. God sees it all. Don’t get tangled up in that stuff.

You have really important things to do every day for Him and choosing to carry the junk that others try to pile onto you isn’t one of them.

To the person who keeps searching for love, YOU MATTER.

Warning: Not a pretty story. MANY ministries are not created out of pretty stories. God takes the ashes and MAKES something beautiful from them.

 

I am writing this for you, Very Important Person, because you don’t yet know your worth. You are worth SO MUCH MORE than you can imagine.

You matter green marker and pencil

I think I always knew one day I’d be moved to write this.

This is that day.

I recently heard someone in church mention a girl he knew from childhood who many called Slut.

Immediately I hurt for her, “She’s broken.”

My heart sank hearing grown up people quietly snicker at this mention of a girl who was trapped in this kind of prison.

DON’T THEY KNOW she was held captive there?

DIDN’T THEY KNOW that laughing about her is part of the problem?

DON’T THEY KNOW their gossip etches their own names on the links in the chains that keep her locked up?

I know this prison.

I lived there.

I remember when I was a little girl and I loved life. I climbed way up in the apple trees in my front yard and ate apples right off the trees.

Honeysuckle grew on a nearby fence. I loved that!

I liked playing, and school, and family, and life was fun.

Then it wasn’t.

When I was nine years old I was sexually molested by someone.

I will write more as God leads me to write. This is its own story and would take too many words for today.

This happened from age 9 to age 15.

At age 15 I was raped at church camp.

I didn’t DARE tell ANYbody for years!

After all, I had snuck out to meet this boy at night (but I had NO intentions of more than kissing.)

And I liked him and I thought he liked me and the thought that he wanted to talk to me and maybe kiss a while made my heart beat a little quicker!

Little did I know that this was part of satan’s plan to take me down.

I did not understand at the time that the enemy was afraid of what I could become in Jesus Christ and I did not understand yet that God’s plan of redemption would use this part of my story years later for His Glory.

I did not tell.

I did not even cry.

Who would care about me?

Who would believe me anyway?

Why did I even think he’d want to meet me to talk a while? Silly girl.

Scarlet A? The letter A may as well have been tattooed all over my body.

When I was 15 a boy older than I was invited me to his house for lunch.

Only …his intentions were NOT to have lunch at all.

Also when I was 15 the town pedophile (or rather, one of them) found me.

I must have had a magnet or target or something.

With the enemy searching for someone to devour, it is very likely truth that there was some kind of invisible target on me for me to have found all the trouble I did

or, rather,

for it to have found me.

Then…

Someone at school told me that my name was written on the boys’ bathroom wall.

I was 16.

The shock and shame that came with this discovery was something that I did not know how to process.

I guess I could have looked at the bright side; that it said I was GOOD at something. At least the writing was positive in SOME way.

My name was written on the boys bathroom wall

The affection and acceptance I was desperately searching for had me tangled in depravity of sin for years because the enemy’s OH, SO carefully crafted trick to strip my belief that I was ANYthing worthwhile was working.

That enemy is clever.

 

I kept searching for “love.”

Boys were generous to offer lots of “comfort.”

After all,

the world, tv and movies, commercials, books, and most of life taught me that it wasn’t really a big deal to kiss or fool around before marriage as long as you don’t have “sex” sex.

Right?

The world is WRONG.

Keeping the marriage bed pure means EVEN BEFORE marriage to keep the marriage bed pure. I cannot IMAGINE what a blessing I would have received if I’d saved all my kisses and all my desire for my husband. And if someone stole something or if we mess up that does NOT mean to KEEP messing up.

 

OH, if I’d only known my value!

But I did not.

I was the butt of satan’s cruel joke.

And people laughed.

 

A friend told me about my name on the boys’ bathroom wall.

Jeff Fisher was my hero that day and I will always remember.

He did what nobody else would do.

He opened the bathroom door

And he let me witness as he ERASED MY NAME off that wall.

 

In that moment

even though he wasn’t aware of how my life had headed this way,

and of course neither of us could know what would happen in the years to come,

he showed me I was worth something.

 

In THAT moment

And

ONLY

for

a

moment

I

believed

I

could

be

worth

something.

 

Years after that I was raped 3 more times while attending a Christian college. (Quick note: Christian colleges are great! People are the people no matter where we go. Jesus is perfect. People are not.)

 

That Last Time.

One boy I’d been out with before called me and asked if I’d like to go see a movie.

I smiled! Aww! That’s so sweet.

“Sure! I’d love to go see a movie.”

He likes me?! I’m so excited!

 

The thing is…

he had NO intention of ever taking me to a movie.

 

As he raped me in his car,

I didn’t scream.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything.

Rivers of tears silently poured down my cheeks.

And I believed

Finally

Without a doubt

That I was

absolutely nothing.

 

I clearly remember lying there in that moment thinking through these words.

 

“This… is all I’m good for?”

.

“…Oh…”

.

“…Okay.”

.

I breathed out as the tears kept falling.

.

“I’m …Nothing.”

 

Definition of nothing

  1. Not anything : no thing
  2. Someone or something of no interest, value, or importance
  3. Me

 

 

I’m certain that if anyone could see that moment in time, they would witness satan dancing on my broken spirit, certain that he’d won, and confident in the belief that his work to bury me forever was complete.

But God says,

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 5:3

 

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. John 10:10a

But that old devil forgot the next part of this verse!

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10b

My God is bigger.

My God is stronger.

My God picked me up and gave me a firm place to stand.

He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit,out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, Psalm 40:1b-3a

 

Just over 2 years ago God gave me the gift of my confidence back.

I did not even know it was missing.

But the very moment He gave it back I realized it had been stolen with my innocence when I was a little girl of 9 years old.

I did not know to pray for it to be restored because I did not know it had been missing.

I didn’t even know a person could live without something like that.

God restores what has been stolen.

 

I didn’t know I mattered.

And now, I know the truth.

I don’t have to search anymore for affection or acceptance here in this broken world.

(And neither do YOU.)

My GOD IS ENOUGH.

 

And THAT’S why I’m here.

That’s why I’m online.

That’s why you’re reading this.

It’s my purpose.

I will spend the rest of my life telling people they matter.

 

You matter letter beads

 

When satan tries to tell you that you’re nothing…

Remember that Jesus did not defeat death for Nothing!

Jesus defeated death for YOU and YOU are VERY SOMETHING.

You matter post it note

 

Think about it this way.

If you didn’t matter so much, WHY would the enemy work so hard to try to keep you down?

You matter blue chalk

 

My life’s verse

Genesis 50:20

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

You matter. 2

My whole purpose in life breaks down into two words.

You matter.

You matter stamp letters

All the years searching in a thousand ways to find what ONLY God can provide for me has brought me to these two words.

You matter.

You matter small letters

ONLY God can fulfil the emptiness in our broken hearts.

You matter purple crayon

ONLY God can give love like we all desperately crave.

You matter curly pink

How ever I finally learned this and if my life’s story even only helps ONE person begin to heal and to realize his or her worth, it was worth it to help set another free (even when others don’t get it or laugh.)

For YOU, it’s worth it.

Because you matter.

You matter steampunk 2

 

[Of course there are a hundred other moments that taught me I was nothing and I didn’t mention them all here. That would take WAY too many words.

Each one alone may not have been so devastating.

But all together,

They buried me for about 35 years.

While you may THINK whatever you say or do in a moment won’t hurt someone…

I am living proof that all the moments add up and it IS VERY MUCH a big deal. It was enough to keep me hidden for years. And that’s what the enemy wants; to shut us up.

YOU may not realize it but YOU may be the ONLY person who speaks life into someone all year.

YOUR WORDS MATTER.

GOD SPOKE and created everything. (He could have done this any way He wanted to but He spoke and things happened. That is pretty interesting.)

Your words have power to tear down or to heal.

You can either be part of the problem and keep someone locked in the chains or you can help heal and tell her she matters.

Can’t tell her in person for whatever reason?

That’s okay. Pray for her. GOD is ultimately The One she needs the most anyway; not you (or me) and not boys. Pray for God to reveal His purpose for her and His love for her.

This broken world could use a whole lot more praying and praises

And a WHOLE lot less gossip.]

You matter phone calendar reminder

 

 

[Parent Note:

If you’re not talking with your kids, age appropriately and as-a-matter-of-fact-ly and without sounding embarrassed (much like you’re teaching them how to cook or how to do math or read) SOMEONE ELSE WILL. And they may not teach the beautiful truth about how God made sex to be very good.

Let them know it’s okay to ask questions about ANYTHING.

PLEASE be a safe place for healthy answers with no sarcasm.

Please?]

 

YOU MATTER big letters Jo Ann Fabrics

 

[Note to people who say pornography is okay:

Lots of people don’t know their value.

If you’re viewing pornography then you clearly do not value people in the pictures as God intended.

And very likely you do not know your own worth, either.

The world has made it a profession to take what God made to be good and mess it up and then pass it off as no big deal to anyone who will buy into the lies.

The world has taken sex which God made to be beautiful and VERY good and twisted it and corrupted it into pornography.

And pornography has NO place in anyone’s world.

Ever.

NOTHING you can say will change my mind.

Pornography is NOT love.

Pornography is slavery.

From the “actors” to the producers to the consumers, PORNOGRAPHY is a VERY REAL HELL on Earth and EVERY view supports this prison, whether in print, video, or any other way.

Be careful, little eyes, what you see, for The Father up above is looking down IN LOVE.

TALK to HIM. He’s listening and He breaks chains that keep us from really living.

OH how God LOVES YOU!]

You matter pink and brown

 

 

[Note to Dads:

OH, DADS!

PLEASE hear me.

What you say matters SO much.

What you DON’T say matters SO much.

If you are not giving your daughter healthy, good kind of love that God intended for a father to bless a daughter with, there are LOTS OF BOYS who are GLAD to offer her anything in the name of affection.

If she already knows her worth in God and with you, Dad, she won’t have any need to accept this from the boys.]

You matter.

 

[Note:

-I wrote this from my life’s view. I do know that guys are molested and raped also and I pray God gives them courage to speak out and to heal also.

-Some people told me that I SHOULD hate sex now because of what has happened in my life. What kind of messed up thinking is THAT?!  WHY in the world would I want to give the enemy ANY more moments of my time by hating something that God designed to be VERY good? Sex is fun and wonderful when experienced the way God designed it.

-I also know some families do not include Dad for many different reasons. While that is unfortunate in my opinion, there are many father figures who are God-fearing, God-loving men who (may not ever fill Dad’s shoes but) can help heal a girl’s heart.

-And I also know that some dads are not healthy and cannot seem to give love the way God intended. This is most unfortunate. I pray for you now and some day I pray you know how much you matter.

-If you’re mad that I believe dads have so much influence, that’s okay. It’s okay for people to have different opinions. God made man the head of the house. It’s HIS design. Not mine. And He’s big enough for you to question Him about it. Lots of things God designed get messed up when we try to change what He made and make it how we think we want it to be. God made us for different purposes but our souls are equally valuable. Just ask Jesus.

-And YES it’s also VERY important what moms say AND what they don’t say.

-People who are looking for an argument and want to hate on me for writing, God has such a bigger purpose in this life for you. I pray He leads you to find it. And also, you matter.]

 

You matter etched

 

[MOST IMPORTANT NOTE:

If you have been molested or raped,

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.]

 

You matter brown cream