Next 5 Minutes

Have you ever been someone’s afterthought?

When my youngest daughter was in 4th grade a very cute boy stopped her outside at recess, “I asked another girl to the dance and she said ‘no.’ Do you want to go with me?”

My daughter looked at him and without even hesitating she shook her head and said, “No.”

Later, she talked with me about her day and about recess. When I asked her why she didn’t want to go with him she told me, “I will not be someone’s second!”

I’m not sure how she already knew her value (because I had still been trying to learn my value) but I’d been working her whole life to instill in her she’s precious and she matters.


Somehow she understood at this young age she was worth more than a left-over invitation to be someone’s second choice.

Everyone is made in His image and is worth caring for.


It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth when someone treats you as less than and leaves you out, excludes you, doesn’t acknowledge you, or treats you as second.

You do not love someone well with your left-overs.

Think about any relationship you’ve had where you were cheated on somehow and you can hear (and feel) what I’m saying.

Our God is a jealous God and – every day – He wants your whole heart and your whole life.

He wants your first.

He is waiting patiently for your FIRST THOUGHTS in the morning to be on HIM.

He is worthy of your FIRST WORDS every morning before your feet are out of bed.

He asks for the FIRST of your efforts every day.

He even tells us to test Him by giving our first money.

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house. TEST ME in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and SEE IF I WILL not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out SO MUCH BLESSING that there will not be room enough to store it. -Malachi 3:10

If we are always putting Him second then we can’t be surprised that feeling behind is what we keep feeling.

Our bodies are not even our own but we have been bought at the highest price.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 1 Corinthians 6:19

Christ’s blood is what God decided you are worth.

And He says the person you love is worth His blood.

And He also says the person you can’t stand to be around is worth His blood.

The enemy tries to distract us to whisper and confuse us about who we are.

When we know our identity cannot be touched, we have no reason to let God ever be second.

Our identity is to be found in Jesus Christ.

Nothing can change this. Nothing can take Him away. Nothing can shake this Truth.

No matter what anyone thinks about you, NOBODY can make you less than His.

Your life is made up of time.

Hear this.

God wants your time.

When you write or think about your schedule, do you pray what He wants you to do with your time He’s gifted to you today?

He’s not asking for your 5 year plan.

He’s asking for your next 5 minutes.

Mommy is a pole dancer for Daddy (and that is healthy)

I wanted to look sexier for myself and for my husband (even though he already likes the way I look and he’d never ask me to work out unless it was with him and for fun. He seems to have eyes that see me kinda the way God sees me. As beautiful.)

The best thing was to just tough it out and do regular work outs like regular people but working out is not one of my favorite things to do. Knowing I NEED to work out even though it’s torture

I chose to look for a more fun way to do it.

I found a pole dancing exercise place just for women. What a GREAT idea! I’d work out, feel sexier, look better, AND have a special private show for my husband.

Yes it really was a great idea but if I did this I knew I’d want to install poles in our bedroom so I could do my work outs at home for date nights also.

It may sound silly but this was heavy on my mind. I REALLY wanted to do this. But HOW could I install a pole in my bedroom when we have kids? WHAT would we tell them? Do I install two poles and say they are for support for our ceiling? Do we put a hammock hanging between them? “Oh kids, look at the metal trees.” Do we install one and say it’s a Maypole? (You know, those poles where children dance around it holding the ribbons.)

But we don’t lie to our kids. And some day they’ll eventually see a pole somewhere and they’ll know what the dancing is about and they may go into shock remembering

“that wedding anniversary when mommy and daddy installed the pole in their room.”

Lying on the counselor’s couch they’ll say, “So THAT’S what that was for! Say it isn‘t so!!”

I asked several girlfriends what they thought I should say to my kids about it. Nobody had the perfect answer that wouldn’t be dishonest. After a few months I gave up. I didn’t take the pole dancing class. I didn’t install a pole. I didn’t dance for my husband and I didn’t work out most of that year.

A while after that I was talking to my mother in law. She’s a preacher’s wife and a good, fun, God fearing mother and Grammy. She’s not afraid to give her opinion and we like that about her.

I told her it would be fun to take this class together if we lived closer to each other. I told her of the debating and agony I went through and that I’d want a pole in our bedroom if we did that exercise class.

I said THE reason I didn’t take the class is because I didn’t know what to tell her grandbabies about the pole. This sweet preacher’s wife had the best answer EVER. She said, “Well that’s easy. Tell them you had a REALLY FUN MARRIAGE!”

Time to sign up for that class!

Coffee, Donuts, and Carnations

When I was a little girl in elementary school my dad would take me to have coffee and donuts sometimes early in the morning before school. I loved it. We’d sit together sipping coffee.  He’d read the newspaper and I got a daddy daughter date.

I remember sitting there with all the business men and thinking how cool that was and what a lucky girl I was to get to do this with my dad.

We weren’t in a hurry.

And I got to get glazed donuts from my favorite donut place.  It didn’t cost much money.   Just a little of his time.  These memories are some of my favorite times I ever had with just me and my dad.

Then when I was in high school my dad would send me a carnation flower for Valentine’s Day and that meant so much to me. It made me feel important.  This was back when the school office would deliver all the flowers to the classrooms.  Many girls would get many flowers and I really appreciate that he took a few minutes to order that one flower just for me.  (Between you and me, I’m pretty sure my mom encouraged dad to do these things and that’s okay.  They created special memories.)

The important thing is that it really doesn’t take big gestures and whole days to make these memories with our kids.  Little girls need their daddies and good, healthy relationships with them.   If there is a healthy, close relationship between a girl and her daddy, then when a boy offers his “love” a daughter makes wiser choices and won’t fall for every boy who shows her attention.

Listen to your daughters speak.  Let them talk about whatever is important to them and engage in the conversation.  Take your daughters on dates to show them how they should be treated.

It just matters.

[Note:  I am a girl so I am writing from a girl’s perspective about her dad.  There are maybe other writers who write from a son’s perspective with mom or dad.  All I know is that a few minutes of real genuine, involved conversation between parents and kids matters.]