I love cheese. Cheese is yummy.
Critic#1 Why isn’t she writing about crackers?
Me: Because this is a story about cheese.
Critic#2 She probably hates crackers.
Me: No. I actually like crackers and I even like crackers and cheese together.
Critic#3 So why can’t she just like crackers by themselves. She’s probably got a thing about single people, too.
Me: Um…. What?
Critic#4 She hates crackers because she’s probably racist.
Me: Wow. Um… No. Where’d that come from?
Critic#58 She probably hates flour and flour is in birthday cakes and I heard she cuts birthday cakes.
Critic#437 She probably doesn’t even like cheese.
Critic#512 Why isn’t she writing about Jesus? She usually writes about faith in Jesus.
Critic#513 Bleu cheese is the best. Bleu cheese has feelings, too.
Me: …I’m actually writing about cheese.
Critic#536 She doesn’t want me to be happy. If she wanted me to be happy she’d have drawn a picture of cheese.
Critic#543 She must be a racist, cracker hating, birthday cake smashing, cheese bashing person who only likes single people and didn’t even share Jesus today.