Nothing is Wasted

Sometimes people like to hear a testimony AFTER all the trials are over, but the truth is there’s something intimate and beautiful about the way God brings support DURING the trials and testing. Enter with thanksgiving and praise with your mouth.

Before I go on, please know that if you feel you must go, then no one can stop you. It’s probably better that way and my kids and I won’t hold it against you.

And I think I’ve learned I’d rather find out people’s true colors than to have fake friends. Though it hurts my feelings for a minute, when I lay all my concerns at the feet of Jesus in prayer, HE REALLY DOES deliver healing and draws close to the broken-hearted. The faster I remember to pray the faster He takes the sting out of the actions and words from others and brings peace and healing.

I’m not afraid of my testimony. In fact, God is already using my (our) current situation to help other people. Nothing is wasted.

Over the past year since we got out of an unhealthy situation, God’s been absolutely pouring His blessings all over us. We’ve seen provision like never before.

I often hear people talk about this. Would you rather suffer physical abuse or emotional abuse? (Ummmm…neither one!)

Which is worse?

What kind of question is that?

Both. Both are worse. BOTH are awful!

Instead, what if we ask, “Why don’t more people hold people accountable for how we treat each other?” People don’t want to “intrude” or “it’s none of our business.” Nonsense. That isolation is a trick from the enemy as old as The Garden of Eden. We ARE to be in each others’ business. We are MADE for relationship.

And people all around you are silently screaming to be seen. I pray more have ears to hear the broken-hearted, because I promise they are sitting beside you in church, live next door to you, work beside you, and are in line in front of you (and behind you) as you wait to order coffee.

God increases faith. It’s BEYOND amazing to me every time He does it and in how many ways He does.

I don’t really have words to describe it. He does it in small and big and just… everyday ways. His promises are never empty. The more we trust in HIM and not in a place, what other people say, what seems logical, or my own understanding, the more He gently pries my fingers off control.

We have received prayers, well wishes, counseling, legal help, monetary donations, jobs, and other physical needs met all over the place since we started praying daily, “Lord, what do You want us to do today?” When we gave up “our” plans and stayed in prayer (I think it’s been about 7 years now) every day there is a contentment and fulfillment we can’t explain in words. If you think God is in a hurry to do stuff, look at Noah and the ark and other situations from Bible times. He has nothing to prove to anyone. I can put my trust in a God like that.

We know a lot of people have been praying for us. Many people are not aware but divorce is almost final. Five marriage counselors and almost 18 ½ years… feels like a few lifetimes….

In our culture we worship a marriage certificate more than we care about the health of the marriage, itself. (We probably worship a marriage certificate almost even more than we worship a GPA.)

This idolatry is a scary and not-so-easy-to-detect-sometimes thing.

And also if marriage was “The-End-All-Above-All-Most-Important-Thing-Ever” then why would God have turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt when she turned back? Just something I’ve been thinking about… He went on without her because she turned back when God said not to. The Bible is called The LIVING Word and He still leads us when we pray to Him (no matter what anyone else tells you.)


Our culture only says it’s a broken marriage if people SEE divorce happen.

But, Beautiful Precious You, you may already be all too aware that a marriage is broken SUCH a very, very, very long time before a divorce ever happens. God gave information about divorce to PROTECT women; not to imprison them. God hates divorce because …it’s purely awful and horrible and tears apart something that should have been together …but as we can see in The Bible He NEVER hates divorced people.

We (people) like to judge by if something looks like a “success” to us. But I believe MANY things we don’t call success are actually very successful in the view of eternity.

Going through this heartache, several people (mostly from church if you’d like to know the sad truth about it – but praise God my faith is in HIM and NOT in people) have shown that when we finally tell and they SEE something’s been going on, they will turn their backs on us. But the thing is that it was an extremely emotionally unhealthy atmosphere and we HAD to get out. Our bodies were screaming, telling us to get out long before we did. (We’ve been out just over a year now and my hair is even growing back! I wasn’t aware that the stress of it all had been taking such a toll on my physical health and my daughters’ too. Marriage should not ever be a Death Sentence. I have so much more to say. Maybe someday I’ll write a book. Pray about that with me.)

(A side note because it needs to be said: I hear you. Don’t worry, Modern-Day-Pharisee-Bible-Thumpers, I see you wagging your finger at me. And I’m still glad you’re here even with the log in your eye. If you’re trying to keep some kind of score because you feel the need to focus on sin in my life instead of what needs to be done in your life, then yes, I’ll let you know there was sexual sin on both sides, so maybe you can somehow rest a little more knowing that…? But, Beautiful You, there is so much more sin I committed before I was married and didn’t “honor the marriage bed and keep it holy.”  I might write a book on that some day. If it’s not my marriage bed, I didn’t/don’t belong in it, watching it, hearing about it, or reading about it. Neither do you…. Okay, now back to the article.)

God says He is our Deliverer. And even today God is STILL our Deliverer and He helped us WHEN my kids and I finally fasted and prayed for the mountain in front of us to be moved. That mountain moved.

He says faith moves mountains and the wonderful Truth is our faith STILL moves mountains.

He’s brought so many new friends and also support from many friends we’ve known a long time and many we met only online. The more we follow, the more He brings laughter, healing, and ….Deep calls to deep is the best way I can describe it.

A person we met online has believed in what God is doing in our lives about this Alaska homeless place I believe will be for sex-trafficked girl survivors. This place has not yet in existence outside my visions and dreams yet this person has donated an amount every month for over a year now.

In fact it started one month after my kids and I got out. Talk about giving me confirmation that God sees it all!

It may seem like a small thing. It’s not.

This consistent act of faith on this person’s part God has been using to make my faith even stronger. He is more than able to open and close doors to guide us. God has used this one person to be a constant reminder that He is faithful, He still leads, provides, guides, and to remind me that He sees everything and He is more than able no matter what anyone else says.

Please never think that you doing something for someone is not enough. It IS enough. And ONE person CAN make a difference.

Also after many prayers of where to work a couple years ago, my oldest was led to a job where she’s been able to learn more than any other classroom could teach her. She’s found her voice, learned how to deal with unkind customers and others, and found balance of when and how to ask for help when she needs it. This adult life is a constant place of learning more and of deciding to put everything in God’s hands or not. I’ve seen a shy, little girl grow into a bold, God-loving young woman who shares Him in every interaction as she works and serves.

And a few months ago after weeks and weeks of fervent prayer about my youngest, for God to reveal more how to use her talents He gave her, she was led to archery. She’s got a natural talent. The team qualified for Nationals and we received some financial help and we also used all we had to be able to go to Nationals.

Her archery team has now qualified for the World Championship.

A friend just donated toward this, and again, I have to give glory to God as my faith gets stronger. Of course it’s not always through money but He definitely has the ability to open and close doors financially as He guides us. (If you are moved to give to something, then give, and if you aren’t, then don’t. It’s just always that simple.)

Our prayer is if we’re supposed to go, God will provide the way and if we’re not, that’s okay too and we pray for peace either way. It seems most of the team has given up on going because the cost financially looks too high.

But it’s more than that. We are supposed to stay in constant prayer about everything and money is not my god. God is my God. We’re asking for prayers. If we’re not supposed to go, then so be it and if we are then He will provide the way; the hotel, the airfare, food, transportation when we get there, and everything else I’m not thinking to mention. We’ve been told this would be about $1,000 each person.

That maybe sounds kind of silly to go shoot a few arrows.

But it’s SO MUCH more than that. It’s courage, confidence, life-skills, and more.

Whether we go to the archery World Championship or not, only God knows. We’re just asking for peace and His direction.

ALL of this has to do with my testimony.

And all I’ve shared here about my life leads me to this. And I can’t stop thinking about it.

What about YOU?

Whatever you’ve been praying about or worried about or talking about or thinking about, if you’re reading this, you’ve been lifted up to Him in prayer too.

Our God STILL hears, and He STILL answers. He STILL opens and closes doors. The winds and the waves STILL know HIS NAME.

He STILL restores what’s been stolen;

Your faith? He is able.

Your joy? He is able.

Peace? HE IS ABLE.

I pray He increases your faith as you put trust in HIM and not what the world says and I pray He helps you to submit all things to Him through prayer asking Him to lead you every day.

He’s got you.

HE IS ABLE.

And NOTHING is wasted.

 

For Somebody Who Needs To Hear.

Beautiful You, please don’t take things so personally. People just don’t know what they don’t know. People sometimes turn their backs on you WHILE you’re going though all the stuff that makes a powerful testimony and that is unfortunate.

But that same testimony you have from it all will someday silence a room and is the very key that will help unlock other people’s prison doors.

Jesus did everything without sin and people still walk away from Him. How much more will it happen to us if it happens to Him?

Lay it down at His feet in prayer (every day if you keep picking it back up.) He sees it all and He understands and He loves you fiercely.

NOTHING is wasted.

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There’s More To It

It’s okay if you don’t read this.

I didn’t even know I was writing this out loud until my fingers started typing.

If you’re going to read it, read all of it and don’t just decide you know what I’m saying by skimming or stopping.


I never cared about Alaska until God did this thing in me. When anyone would ask me where I wanted to go if I could go anywhere in the world, I never had an answer.

Now, my heart has been transplanted into Alaska for the past 7 years already.

This is not actually a blog post about divorce but I’m going to say a minute about it so hang on.

If you came here to argue, Beautiful You, there’s just no room for that today. Maybe we can talk about that another time. I’m glad you’re passionate. What you think is important to me but I’m not here to debate. Lord knows, that’s what my marriage was; a debate.

And I’m quite tired of that, to be honest. God surely has bigger things for you to do with your life than to spend it in debate. I believe this with all my heart.


When I was a little girl and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I said “a wife and mommy.” I’ve been a wife, twice. And I’m wondering if perhaps single is more of a blessing than I could have ever understood before. I believe people who have been divorced can speak on divorce, just as people who have been through other things can better speak on what experiences they have known. While God says He hates divorce, God does NOT hate divorced people, and when people go through stuff, whatever it is, you WILL find who cares for you and who actually does not. There’s blessing in that.

Anyway, when I answered the grown ups, they always, without fail, would tilt their heads, look at me and say, “NO. What do you want to BE?”

As if…. being a mom is not enough?… I didn’t understand it. Being a mom IS a calling and being a mom IS enough.

After many years I realized they were asking what paying job I wanted.

But even beyond being a mom to my 2 strong, warrior girls, I feel God is going to give me a place where I’m a mom figure to many who need one in this Alaska homeless place He’s had my heart already living at for the past 7 years.

When kids tell us what they want to be when they grow up maybe, just maybe, they actually KNOW more than the grown ups around them are able to hear.

I can’t help but wonder if we listened better to them, and prayed more constantly over them as they grow, and if we focus on their God-given talents and strengths (instead of hiding the talents and focusing on weaknesses by trying to keep a grade point average of above a C, which is for another blog post another day. Don’t get lost being mad at me for saying so because there’s so much more to talk about and discover.) …HOW INCREDIBLE this place would look if people all lived out their calling and not what others said they “should” be doing?

(Hiding talents. I’ve read about that somewhere.)

This is what I’m saying.

Some people who have read this blog a while and who have been praying for my family and ministry don’t know my current situation. Some know a little.

I’m not hiding. In fact, I know He is using it all. For sure God keeps helping me find more healthy boundaries. I believe Him when He says He uses ALL things for good for those who are called according to His purpose.

My favorite Verse growing up was Romans 8:28 And we know that God works ALL THINGS together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. (emphasis, mine.)

 

When I started writing today this is where I was.

 

I feel like I have received a Master’s Degree in deciphering messages. I know that may sound silly – but it’s not. When you go through stuff you learn; not just in a school classroom setting.

And sometimes what looks like a fail isn’t a fail at all. In the world view, lots of things LOOK like a fail but in the view of Eternity you maybe learned exactly what you needed to learn to fulfill what you were created for.

Just for a second think about this.

Sometimes a job, even if you were there for about a minute or for 20 years, teaches you how to deal with co-workers or supervisors in a better way.

But if the job ends, people tell you “too bad that didn’t work out.”

Who said so?

Maybe it worked out very well and just how it needed to and you learned just exactly what you were supposed to learn.

People get mad when “the band breaks up.” But what if the band was for a season? What if the band wasn’t even supposed to be together in the first place? What if God actually hadn’t brought them together? Or what if the band WAS supposed to be together and then it was truly time to do the next thing? (I’m literally talking about bands here and not marriage so do not crucify for what you THINK I may be saying. I have lots more to say about divorce and remarriage but that will be another day.)

People are constantly – and loudly – upset about things that other people do that don’t even really affect their lives anyway.

Stop persecuting people for trying to figure out this thing called life.

If only God would use messed up people in messy situations…. oh wait, He does.

It’s time to shut out all the noise and stay in prayer. God’s got this and He has a reason in every lesson.

Here it is.

For the past 18 years… or rather, for the past lot longer than that actually, I’m learning to listen better with ears to hear. (I may be slower than some but am finding I’m finally learning to listen better to what is actually being said; for example, if someone says “I love you” with words but “Get away from me” with actions. I do not feel like I’ve missed out on anything but I get that this also sounds silly because it was 18 years of Groundhog Day and 50 First Dates of nonsense, truly.) I was an easy target.

In a few weeks, I will be divorced. Again.

(Guys, by the time someone is divorcing, you can stop yelling at them telling them they’re “doing it all wrong!” A wife is to submit to her husband and to God but the husband’s moods should not BE her God. AND the husband is to submit to God and also cherish and love his wife AS Christ loves the church. People often, way way – way – too often, hold the wife accountable and the husband – not so much. Another day I’ll be glad to listen to you talk about this if you get stuck here. But not today.)

I feel like if anything, God is making it clear that I’M NOT the one doing the work He’s put on my heart and that by the time He brings me there, that place where visions catch up to real time, it will be clear to anyone watching my life that I’ve been discredited more than enough and yet all of it will be for God’s glory, and not happening by my appearances and CERTAINLY NOT by my ability.

When I’m weak, He is strong.

I read that somewhere.

I’ve been married for 7 years, a single mom for a year. Now married for over 18 years and a single mom again for the past year (as we’ve been separated by my request and need for healthy space.)

The first divorce there was loneliness and sorrow like I can’t explain.

But this (marriage and) divorce has been loneliness, fear, and hopelessness and begging God to find mercy on me.

And He surely has.

I haven’t ever told anyone yet but now at this time I am.

In FOUR of the recurring dreams and visions (I can think of right now) my almost former husband was not in any of them. I didn’t think much of this a few years ago but now it makes more sense to me. I’m not saying God caused or didn’t cause things to happen or not happen but that He is MORE than able to give us insight any time He chooses to.

The more isolated and lonely you feel the more alone time you can have with Him. There’s SUCH blessing in that.

There was the one recurring dream with the many, many white doors, which is where the girls and I stayed for a few days in August 2017 when we took some space away for 3 weeks (then we were back for 6 months; it did not get better but worse and we fasted and prayed to get out. God still is our Deliverer.) I walked through that place almost throwing up because the confirmation was so loud.

Then there was a recurring dream with a specific thing about the windows… which is where we are now. And when I was awake I knew it wasn’t Alaska yet but I just knew it felt good to be there. I kept calling this one “the feel good place.” I kind of brushed it off because I knew it wasn’t Alaska yet. But here we are waiting.

Then there was the dream about the white posts and a yellow tent which I am wondering if it’s the ferry but haven’t seen that one yet in awake life. I’ll get back to you on this when it happens if you care to hear.

And then there is the one where I’m standing in the campsite of the Alaska homeless place God’s put on my heart and I believe where He’s leading us in the future.

I didn’t think anything about my almost former husband not being in any of those dreams and visions until last year.

And though I’ve grieved a thousand tears a thousand times over it’s not because I felt loved and lost a love. It’s because I (my kids along with me) was stuck in a bad place (putting it gently) and was trying to make it work the best I ever could because some day I will have to stand alone and face my God with my choices; all of them, and I can, knowing I truly feel I gave all I had to this marriage except my last breath.

A relationship should not be a battlefield but mine was; all the way back to the beginning… we’ve had too many fights and some should have been a wake up call to me but I knew many people would turn their backs on me if I divorced. Until I could bear the weight of all the judgment and it was lighter than the weight of the daily atmosphere of hostility, I couldn’t go. But it was either my body is going to shut off permanently or I must get out.

But over the years I just kept thinking “well it’s marriage so it’s supposed to work.”

But sometimes… it just doesn’t.

And you know what? God STILL shows up. He STILL uses things that appear to be broken.

But maybe it’s not so broken after all. He is THE Author of time. And He still restores what’s been stolen. My kids and I have seen Him show up day after day after day in such amazing ways since we no longer put a person’s moods first and we are not fighting a daily constant fight in our own home living out our faith about Alaska.

People may think what they want to but our faith is as strong as ever and God is with us. This, we know. And, OH, my kids! My kids have learned SO much about relationships and what healthy things to look for. If I’d known what they know at 16 and 21, WOW! (But I maybe would be writing a very different article. Only God knows that.)

Anyway, just saying there’s blessing in what looks like a mess.

When I first started telling people about Alaska (November 2013) and this vision God revealed to me, people came out of – everywhere – for over a week (maybe longer) saying the same thing:

“It’s not going to happen like you think it will.”

I’ve never heard that so much before (or after) in my whole life.

People I didn’t even talk with before would just walk up to me and within a minute said those words.

I was like, “What in the world?!” “I don’t even have an idea of how this homeless place will look, Lord, so why are all these people bringing this to me? Even so, I’m listening.”

And NOW I can’t count the number of people I’ve met and I have the phone numbers of police, domestic violence counselors, mediators, attorneys, house inspectors, architects, mental health counselors, teachers, construction guys, financial girls, and the list goes on.

When people asked me demanding an answer, “You …and what army? You and what army are going to do this work in Alaska?!”

All I know is that we see God providing all we need to do this work.

And though I may not have known He was doing this before 7 years ago, I believe it’s actually purpose He wrote into me when He knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

My answer is simple. Me and His army, I guess. He’s got my attention and I have to follow Him.

I counted the cost and the cost was high.

If I was leaning on my own understanding I could buy a ticket and go straight to Alaska this week, but I feel that we’re still supposed to wait on Him in the Bellingham area for now (like I felt we were supposed to wait in Texas a while after we had packed the boxes.)

So, we will wait.

.Lookin’ like a fool like the date He put on my heart, April 1st.

And when He says go – 

we will go.

 

And I say all this because I can’t help but wonder this one more thing…

What did He knit into you?

I pray you share about all the trials and all the things that people think were bumps in the road but that were actually moments God was bringing you closer to the purpose He created you for.

And don’t worry if some will judge you. Give yourself permission to let that go now. Because there will ALWAYS be some who waste their precious time doing that. But, Beautiful You, you have (SO much) more important things to do than to get distracted about that.

He will test you.

He will stretch you.

Make no mistake, He already believes in you. I believe with you, and you can believe in what He’s calling you to. (THAT already is a cord of three!)

EVERY DAY

ALL THE TIME

He wants you to know where you put your hope; in a place, person, business, school, health, church, money, hoping others will finally notice what you’re capable of?

Or is your hope in HIM?

Sparkles

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I have a bed. I have a mattress a church helped us buy, and a castle-sized frame a new friend built for us. I am glad.

At first I thought it would be too high and I would be scared to sleep so I thought I was going to put my mattress on the floor and sleep in a cute cave (dungeon) but instead I have a tiny dungeon library/prayer closet underneath and I sleep in the keep of my castle.

I have been praying about bed frames that would make cozy places for me and my mom and sister to just be.

This whole thing is about God answering my prayers.

-Chelsea

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I’ve kind of always seen my bed as my safe place. It’s my own space where I can read, pray, cry, and my mom can kiss me goodnight.

I have my own castle now. I have a prayer “closet” underneath and I can rest in the castle bed above.

Several months ago a grouchy customer ordered a double 8 ounce extra hot latte. I was glad when he left the store. As a barista part of my job is to learn names of customers to write on their cups. One time he told me his name but I had forgotten it and he wouldn’t tell me again so I told him with a smile that his name would from then on be Sparkle because of his (not so) sparkly attitude.

This grouchy customer, acquaintance, now friend just built me and my mom and sister bed frames.

I have been praying about our own safe place for longer than I can remember. Sparkle has been an unexpected blessing and I still make him his double 8 ounce extra hot latte with a smile and deep appreciation.

-Chloe

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Sometimes answers to prayers come in unexpected ways and times.

I have been praying about furniture many other needs and our own space for a long while now. God has opened doors to the impossible: the miracle of a safe, non-judgmental, Jesus-loving, precious, generous family to stay with for several weeks as we waited in prayer expecting more miracles but not even having answers yet, an apartment with a washer and dryer from the previous tenant, three bikes to get around town, a microwave from someone, toilet paper and paper towels as we moved in, a few donations, advice and help from kind, gentle counselors and low income offices designed to help lift people out of situations they’ve found themselves in, a church helped us buy mattresses, and now a carpenter with hidden kindness built us bed frames with prayer closets underneath. I slept there the first night and felt like a kid in a treehouse.

I remember my daughter talking about this customer who was grouchy and not so fun to be around. The thing is … his heart is actually bigger than anyone knows and I’m not supposed to tell anyone but can’t help it because his kindness has been more proof again to us that God answers prayers when we ask, seek, wait, and keep placing our trust in Him no matter what anyone else says.

I thanked him several times for being such a blessing to me and my girls.

Then – he thanked US for being an answer to HIS prayers as a way he could serve his Lord.

God answers prayers.

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I may not know exactly what prayer answers you’re waiting for – but I have to tell you that God does answer and He does provide in very real ways. He can be trusted and He is faithful. He delivers, answers, heals, redeems, restores, and He cares. I’m agreeing in prayer with you right now for answers to the questions you have. May God bless you and lead you to people who reflect the love of God and add a little sparkle to your life.

-Kerri

It is all about faith

We will (sometimes not so patiently but mostly patiently yet always expectantly) wait on the Lord here in Washington for the Alaska homeless place (we believe will be for sex-trafficked survivor girls) we every day constantly feel Him teaching and preparing us for in the future whatever His timing is. We know He’s got this. He is faithful and He rewards those who wait on Him and keep putting their trust in Him.

Dear Christian Husband who is looking at pornography,

Your wife is lonely.  And I don’t just mean physically. She’s emotionally drained.

Your sin and secrecy are sucking the life out of her.

I see her grief and emptiness and while it’s true that Jesus is the only One who can truly fill her heart, if you’re not going to be there to serve her and really share your life with her, then why are you there?

The sin you’re hiding is killing your ability to love your bride like Jesus loves The Church, His bride.

She is worth more than the leftover attention and affection you give her.

Jesus is the only One who can break the chains of addiction that threaten to bury you in this grave forever.

The shame and guilt you carry are very, very heavy and you’re not meant to carry this alone.

When you give your life to Christ in baptism you die to sin just as He died and was raised and you are raised a new man in Him walking in HIS power.

You cannot keep looking at pornography while serving as a husband, (or future husband, or Christian man in any leadership role for that matter.)

God called you to stand taller, be the head of your home, and lead gently, following Him.

Other men are looking to YOU to lead also.

You CAN be free and you can also help free others from this hell on earth.

Jesus already took your sin and nailed it on the Cross.

Stop taking it back.

The stench is overwhelming and everyone smells it. Sin of any kind makes you grouchy and it affects everyone you are in contact with even for a moment.

GIVE THIS TO HIM IN PRAYER.

For the love of your wife, for the salvation of your soul, for the benefit of your children, for the man I know God called you to be, please give this to Him.

You are worth more. The people in the images are worth more. And your wife is worth more.

You can be the man you and I both know God created you to be.

I believe in you.

Sincerely, Brokenhearted For Your Marriage

 

 

Dear Christian Wife who is looking at pornography,

Your husband is lonely.  And I don’t just mean physically. He’s emotionally drained.

Your sin and secrecy are sucking the life out of him.

I see his grief and emptiness and while it’s true that Jesus is the only One who can truly fill his heart, if you’re not going to be there to serve him and really share your life with him, then why are you there?

The sin you’re hiding is killing your ability to love your husband like Jesus loves.

He is worth more than the leftover attention and affection you give him.

Jesus is the only One who can break the chains of addiction that threaten to bury you in this grave forever.

The shame and guilt you carry are very, very heavy and you’re not meant to carry this alone.

When you give your life to Christ in baptism you die to sin just as He died and was raised and you are raised a new woman in Him walking in HIS power.

You cannot keep looking at pornography while serving as a wife, (or future wife, or Christian woman in any leadership role for that matter.)

God called you to stand taller, be the heart of your home, bravely, following Him.

Other women are looking to YOU to lead also.

You CAN be free and you can also help free others from this hell on earth.

Jesus already took your sin and nailed it on the Cross.

Stop taking it back.

The stench is overwhelming and everyone smells it. Sin of any kind makes you grouchy and it affects everyone you are in contact with even for a moment.

GIVE THIS TO HIM IN PRAYER.

For the love of your husband, for the salvation of your soul, for the benefit of your children, for the woman I know God called you to be, please give this to Him.

You are worth more. The people in the images are worth more. And your husband is worth more.

You can be the woman you and I both know God created you to be.

I believe in you.

Sincerely, Brokenhearted For Your Marriage

 

It’s hard to stay OUT of anyone else’s bed.

Marriage should be honored by ALL, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4

Movies, TV, magazines, advertisements, and the internet make it hard to stay OUT of anyone else’s bed.

 

If marriage and the marriage bed are to be honored by ALL and kept pure, then maybe we need to alert all the media because I don’t think they know.

Or if they know, I don’t think they care.

 

But I care.

 

If it’s not MY marriage bed, I do not belong in it, watching it, or participating via the internet.

If it’s not MY husband and if it’s not MY bed, then it’s not MY marriage bed. Am I wrong?

 

The more I pray about this the more God moves my heart to say something and to do something.

I get that we like entertainment. But we can enjoy clean entertainment. God says marriage is to be honored by ALL and the marriage bed be kept pure. The movie and TV show producers and pornography films have included scenes that don’t even leave anything to the imagination.

And the scenes that DO leave something up to our imaginations, they still have hints and that’s not even something we are to be part of.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Ephesians 5:3

There’s usually WAY more than a hint.

And we cannot UNsee what we see (even for a second of time.)

Some people argue that it’s okay to watch married people together because they’re married.

But, still, that’s not YOUR marriage bed so it’s not FOR you, is it?

 

Imagine for a moment being Adam seeing Eve for the first time.

Imagine being Eve seeing Adam for the first time.

 

Can you imagine Adam seeing Eve and never having seen pornography, or advertisements selling with sex, or movies even with images of other women that pulled his mind away from her?

Can you imagine how beautiful she must have felt to him? She hadn’t ever thought to compare her body to another woman’s body. There was no competition for his attention or affection. ALL his desire was for HER! ALL her desire was for him!

 

Whatever the world has taught you about comparing yourself or comparing someone else, the world is wrong.

 

You are worth more.

 

And the people in the pictures and videos are worth more, too.

 

Purity is beautiful. Purity doesn’t even necessarily mean that before now, life has been perfect, but from now ON, we CAN look away and choose not to be part of someone else’s bed. We can choose not to see a movie or watch a show. We can even write to companies to tell them it’s not stuff we want to see.

 

I get that it’s unpopular to talk about this stuff. It’s just something God’s been stirring in my heart. I don’t pretend to have all the answers or solutions but I can be a little part of some kind of difference because my life probably would have looked different if I’d heard this and maybe it can help someone else today.

To the person who keeps searching for love, YOU MATTER.

Warning: Not a pretty story. MANY ministries are not created out of pretty stories. God takes the ashes and MAKES something beautiful from them.

 

I am writing this for you, Very Important Person, because you don’t yet know your worth. You are worth SO MUCH MORE than you can imagine.

You matter green marker and pencil

I think I always knew one day I’d be moved to write this.

This is that day.

I recently heard someone in church mention a girl he knew from childhood who many called Slut.

Immediately I hurt for her, “She’s broken.”

My heart sank hearing grown up people quietly snicker at this mention of a girl who was trapped in this kind of prison.

DON’T THEY KNOW she was held captive there?

DIDN’T THEY KNOW that laughing about her is part of the problem?

DON’T THEY KNOW their gossip etches their own names on the links in the chains that keep her locked up?

I know this prison.

I lived there.

I remember when I was a little girl and I loved life. I climbed way up in the apple trees in my front yard and ate apples right off the trees.

Honeysuckle grew on a nearby fence. I loved that!

I liked playing, and school, and family, and life was fun.

Then it wasn’t.

When I was nine years old I was sexually molested by someone.

I will write more as God leads me to write. This is its own story and would take too many words for today.

This happened from age 9 to age 15.

At age 15 I was raped at church camp.

I didn’t DARE tell ANYbody for years!

After all, I had snuck out to meet this boy at night (but I had NO intentions of more than kissing.)

And I liked him and I thought he liked me and the thought that he wanted to talk to me and maybe kiss a while made my heart beat a little quicker!

Little did I know that this was part of satan’s plan to take me down.

I did not understand at the time that the enemy was afraid of what I could become in Jesus Christ and I did not understand yet that God’s plan of redemption would use this part of my story years later for His Glory.

I did not tell.

I did not even cry.

Who would care about me?

Who would believe me anyway?

Why did I even think he’d want to meet me to talk a while? Silly girl.

Scarlet A? The letter A may as well have been tattooed all over my body.

When I was 15 a boy older than I was invited me to his house for lunch.

Only …his intentions were NOT to have lunch at all.

Also when I was 15 the town pedophile (or rather, one of them) found me.

I must have had a magnet or target or something.

With the enemy searching for someone to devour, it is very likely truth that there was some kind of invisible target on me for me to have found all the trouble I did

or, rather,

for it to have found me.

Then…

Someone at school told me that my name was written on the boys’ bathroom wall.

I was 16.

The shock and shame that came with this discovery was something that I did not know how to process.

I guess I could have looked at the bright side; that it said I was GOOD at something. At least the writing was positive in SOME way.

My name was written on the boys bathroom wall

The affection and acceptance I was desperately searching for had me tangled in depravity of sin for years because the enemy’s OH, SO carefully crafted trick to strip my belief that I was ANYthing worthwhile was working.

That enemy is clever.

 

I kept searching for “love.”

Boys were generous to offer lots of “comfort.”

After all,

the world, tv and movies, commercials, books, and most of life taught me that it wasn’t really a big deal to kiss or fool around before marriage as long as you don’t have “sex” sex.

Right?

The world is WRONG.

Keeping the marriage bed pure means EVEN BEFORE marriage to keep the marriage bed pure. I cannot IMAGINE what a blessing I would have received if I’d saved all my kisses and all my desire for my husband. And if someone stole something or if we mess up that does NOT mean to KEEP messing up.

 

OH, if I’d only known my value!

But I did not.

I was the butt of satan’s cruel joke.

And people laughed.

 

A friend told me about my name on the boys’ bathroom wall.

Jeff Fisher was my hero that day and I will always remember.

He did what nobody else would do.

He opened the bathroom door

And he let me witness as he ERASED MY NAME off that wall.

 

In that moment

even though he wasn’t aware of how my life had headed this way,

and of course neither of us could know what would happen in the years to come,

he showed me I was worth something.

 

In THAT moment

And

ONLY

for

a

moment

I

believed

I

could

be

worth

something.

 

Years after that I was raped 3 more times while attending a Christian college. (Quick note: Christian colleges are great! People are the people no matter where we go. Jesus is perfect. People are not.)

 

That Last Time.

One boy I’d been out with before called me and asked if I’d like to go see a movie.

I smiled! Aww! That’s so sweet.

“Sure! I’d love to go see a movie.”

He likes me?! I’m so excited!

 

The thing is…

he had NO intention of ever taking me to a movie.

 

As he raped me in his car,

I didn’t scream.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything.

Rivers of tears silently poured down my cheeks.

And I believed

Finally

Without a doubt

That I was

absolutely nothing.

 

I clearly remember lying there in that moment thinking through these words.

 

“This… is all I’m good for?”

.

“…Oh…”

.

“…Okay.”

.

I breathed out as the tears kept falling.

.

“I’m …Nothing.”

 

Definition of nothing

  1. Not anything : no thing
  2. Someone or something of no interest, value, or importance
  3. Me

 

 

I’m certain that if anyone could see that moment in time, they would witness satan dancing on my broken spirit, certain that he’d won, and confident in the belief that his work to bury me forever was complete.

But God says,

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 5:3

 

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. John 10:10a

But that old devil forgot the next part of this verse!

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10b

My God is bigger.

My God is stronger.

My God picked me up and gave me a firm place to stand.

He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit,out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, Psalm 40:1b-3a

 

Just over 2 years ago God gave me the gift of my confidence back.

I did not even know it was missing.

But the very moment He gave it back I realized it had been stolen with my innocence when I was a little girl of 9 years old.

I did not know to pray for it to be restored because I did not know it had been missing.

I didn’t even know a person could live without something like that.

God restores what has been stolen.

 

I didn’t know I mattered.

And now, I know the truth.

I don’t have to search anymore for affection or acceptance here in this broken world.

(And neither do YOU.)

My GOD IS ENOUGH.

 

And THAT’S why I’m here.

That’s why I’m online.

That’s why you’re reading this.

It’s my purpose.

I will spend the rest of my life telling people they matter.

 

You matter letter beads

 

When satan tries to tell you that you’re nothing…

Remember that Jesus did not defeat death for Nothing!

Jesus defeated death for YOU and YOU are VERY SOMETHING.

You matter post it note

 

Think about it this way.

If you didn’t matter so much, WHY would the enemy work so hard to try to keep you down?

You matter blue chalk

 

My life’s verse

Genesis 50:20

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

You matter. 2

My whole purpose in life breaks down into two words.

You matter.

You matter stamp letters

All the years searching in a thousand ways to find what ONLY God can provide for me has brought me to these two words.

You matter.

You matter small letters

ONLY God can fulfil the emptiness in our broken hearts.

You matter purple crayon

ONLY God can give love like we all desperately crave.

You matter curly pink

How ever I finally learned this and if my life’s story even only helps ONE person begin to heal and to realize his or her worth, it was worth it to help set another free (even when others don’t get it or laugh.)

For YOU, it’s worth it.

Because you matter.

You matter steampunk 2

 

[Of course there are a hundred other moments that taught me I was nothing and I didn’t mention them all here. That would take WAY too many words.

Each one alone may not have been so devastating.

But all together,

They buried me for about 35 years.

While you may THINK whatever you say or do in a moment won’t hurt someone…

I am living proof that all the moments add up and it IS VERY MUCH a big deal. It was enough to keep me hidden for years. And that’s what the enemy wants; to shut us up.

YOU may not realize it but YOU may be the ONLY person who speaks life into someone all year.

YOUR WORDS MATTER.

GOD SPOKE and created everything. (He could have done this any way He wanted to but He spoke and things happened. That is pretty interesting.)

Your words have power to tear down or to heal.

You can either be part of the problem and keep someone locked in the chains or you can help heal and tell her she matters.

Can’t tell her in person for whatever reason?

That’s okay. Pray for her. GOD is ultimately The One she needs the most anyway; not you (or me) and not boys. Pray for God to reveal His purpose for her and His love for her.

This broken world could use a whole lot more praying and praises

And a WHOLE lot less gossip.]

You matter phone calendar reminder

 

 

[Parent Note:

If you’re not talking with your kids, age appropriately and as-a-matter-of-fact-ly and without sounding embarrassed (much like you’re teaching them how to cook or how to do math or read) SOMEONE ELSE WILL. And they may not teach the beautiful truth about how God made sex to be very good.

Let them know it’s okay to ask questions about ANYTHING.

PLEASE be a safe place for healthy answers with no sarcasm.

Please?]

 

YOU MATTER big letters Jo Ann Fabrics

 

[Note to people who say pornography is okay:

Lots of people don’t know their value.

If you’re viewing pornography then you clearly do not value people in the pictures as God intended.

And very likely you do not know your own worth, either.

The world has made it a profession to take what God made to be good and mess it up and then pass it off as no big deal to anyone who will buy into the lies.

The world has taken sex which God made to be beautiful and VERY good and twisted it and corrupted it into pornography.

And pornography has NO place in anyone’s world.

Ever.

NOTHING you can say will change my mind.

Pornography is NOT love.

Pornography is slavery.

From the “actors” to the producers to the consumers, PORNOGRAPHY is a VERY REAL HELL on Earth and EVERY view supports this prison, whether in print, video, or any other way.

Be careful, little eyes, what you see, for The Father up above is looking down IN LOVE.

TALK to HIM. He’s listening and He breaks chains that keep us from really living.

OH how God LOVES YOU!]

You matter pink and brown

 

 

[Note to Dads:

OH, DADS!

PLEASE hear me.

What you say matters SO much.

What you DON’T say matters SO much.

If you are not giving your daughter healthy, good kind of love that God intended for a father to bless a daughter with, there are LOTS OF BOYS who are GLAD to offer her anything in the name of affection.

If she already knows her worth in God and with you, Dad, she won’t have any need to accept this from the boys.]

You matter.

 

[Note:

-I wrote this from my life’s view. I do know that guys are molested and raped also and I pray God gives them courage to speak out and to heal also.

-Some people told me that I SHOULD hate sex now because of what has happened in my life. What kind of messed up thinking is THAT?!  WHY in the world would I want to give the enemy ANY more moments of my time by hating something that God designed to be VERY good? Sex is fun and wonderful when experienced the way God designed it.

-I also know some families do not include Dad for many different reasons. While that is unfortunate in my opinion, there are many father figures who are God-fearing, God-loving men who (may not ever fill Dad’s shoes but) can help heal a girl’s heart.

-And I also know that some dads are not healthy and cannot seem to give love the way God intended. This is most unfortunate. I pray for you now and some day I pray you know how much you matter.

-If you’re mad that I believe dads have so much influence, that’s okay. It’s okay for people to have different opinions. God made man the head of the house. It’s HIS design. Not mine. And He’s big enough for you to question Him about it. Lots of things God designed get messed up when we try to change what He made and make it how we think we want it to be. God made us for different purposes but our souls are equally valuable. Just ask Jesus.

-And YES it’s also VERY important what moms say AND what they don’t say.

-People who are looking for an argument and want to hate on me for writing, God has such a bigger purpose in this life for you. I pray He leads you to find it. And also, you matter.]

 

You matter etched

 

[MOST IMPORTANT NOTE:

If you have been molested or raped,

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.]

 

You matter brown cream

 

Only God knows the inside of each marriage.

We saw a couple in a store one time. The wife started speaking louder and sounded pretty upset.

To my husband it seemed that she was upset without much reason. He didn’t see or hear anything before that so she probably was overreacting.

To me, it was obvious that she was exhausted from the broken communication between the two of them.

We neither one ever found out what was the reason for their argument that day several years ago.

But marriage has been under attack since Adam and Eve.

We want to blame.

That woman…

That snake…

Whatever has happened (and it looks different in each situation) HOW do you find the way to truly forgive and still live with someone who caused such damage?

The enemy wants to separate and isolate each of us and he does this in about a billion custom-designed, clever ways (including all those things we run to for imitation comfort.)

Here’s the best answer I can find.

 

“You want to make this a fight of flesh and blood.

But it’s not.

It’s spiritual with the powers of darkness.

The enemy is AFRAID of what YOU can truly become.”

-the movie King’s Faith

 

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. -Ephesians 6:12

 

Prayer. And The Incredible Power of The God behind the prayer.

 

God, ONLY YOU KNOW the inside of each marriage. Please heal broken lives and hearts. Please revive and make stronger what has been under attack for so very long.  Please let Your words be spoken and let us see each other with Your eyes. In Jesus’ Name, please God, Amen.

 

[P.S. I’ve found this helps with more than just marriage. I try to remember this now when I’m upset with anyone or any situation: There’s probably ALWAYS more than we can see.]

[Note:  Forgiveness and staying daily in a dangerous situation are NOT the same things (though there are those who disagree.)  I will ALWAYS pray for safety for everyone. If you need to get out, I pray for you to get out safely.]

 

 

Dear Daughters, I’ve noticed.

An Open Letter to My Daughters.

I hear the way you pray over your days, friends, enemies, and choices. I see how you love others and want good things for them. I see when someone hurts your feelings and hear you pray for blessings for them and for God to heal you and use your pain.

I just want you to know that I’ve noticed.

You know where your strength comes from and you keep sharing that it’s from Jesus when anyone asks what is different about you and sometimes even when they don’t ask. You are warriors for Christ and with the Holy Spirit’s Power, you are doing great things every day.

I’ve noticed.

It’s absolutely beautiful to see how you face trials and adversity and you don’t retaliate. You could be angry. You could try to get even. You could wish bad things on people who have hurt you.

But you just don’t.

You can know for certain that I notice.

I see you forgive but not necessarily forget because as God uses experiences He’s brought you through, He reminds you of the passion behind your drive to love others.  You have understanding beyond your years.

God has taught me a lot through allowing me to be your mom. Being a kid in 2015 is tough (probably way tougher than when I was a kid.) You are learning to walk in grace and beauty that can only come from Jesus. I see His peace covering you.

You are world changers.

I’ve prayed over your whole lives, marriage, school, work, friends, enemies, and faith. I don’t have all the answers (and that’s okay.) Together we will always ask the Guy who does. Please come talk to me and Daddy when you make mistakes. (We were kids too and we made plenty of mistakes too.)  It’s okay to cry. God made tears and crying helps people heal.

I just wanted to be sure you hear that I notice you girls developing your own faith in Jesus and it’s beautiful to have a front row seat to this work He’s doing in your lives.

You are surely storing up treasures in Heaven and THAT means everything. These are the treasures that will last forever.

I love you.  Love, Mommy

~

Here is a prayer I wrote when you were little. I think it was around 2a.m. once as you slept while I was unpacking at a new house. I wrote it under your art desk. Whether the desk stays with you or not, the prayer and blessings will follow you no matter what.

Dear God,
Bless my children this night and from now on as they sit at this desk and help me always see their individual talents and encourage them for You. This night as I carefully set up all their art things in our new house keep them safe always.

Let me always remember the goal is Heaven no matter what comes in their lives and use me to help them see You. Through friendships and boyfriends and broken hearts let them look to You.

Let them have peace that You have a plan for each of their lives and not get sidetracked by the world.

Protect their minds and eyes and ears and bodies. Please keep them from harm.

Let me listen to them and remember that this time is for a season and not a lifetime. The dishes can always be done later. Lord, help me just learn to enjoy play time with my children and not organize anything. Just play!

I pray again this night for their husbands and their Christianity that they always look to You and are gentlemen to my girls You gave me. I cannot imagine anyone ever loving them like You and I do. Will they wipe their tears? Will they listen when my babies speak?

Oh, God, take care of my precious children in Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

It Will Cripple You. It Is A Trap. (Pornography and stuff like that)

If we see someone playing in the street who may not realize the dangers and we don’t run to him to warn him, are we part of the problem?

“Well, yes, we know he’ll be crippled by this but since he didn’t ASK for help, we didn’t help.”

What kind of logic is that?

Some say, “People already hear too much of what the church is against and not enough about what we are FOR.”

Okay that’s true.  And let’s do a better job at that.

So let’s say it THIS way:  CHRISTIANS are FOR good, healthy, yummy, fun sex.  God is the one who created sex and He made this to be a good part of marriage between a man and a woman.  Like many other things, we humans sometimes mess good things up.

When we see someone walking into a trap or a street full of cars that we know will cripple him (or worse) for maybe the rest of his life and we don’t do anything, are we at fault at all?

There is a movie people are talking about seeing that we KNOW will cause more damage to people’s views about sex, life, and relationships.  Actually there are MANY movies and tv shows that are “programming” us to view life a certain way and we have to keep speaking out by saying it’s just not okay, NOT spend money to support or promote this so-called “entertainment,” and help each other avoid traps that satan sets for us.

Since You [Lord] are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of Your Name lead and guide me.  Keep me free from the trap that is set for me, for You are my refuge.  Psalm 31:4

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10

The movie (MANY movies, tv shows, advertisements, magazines, books, etc.) turns something God made that was and IS good – in fact, VERY good – into something that is ugly and depraved.  (And this is not limited to sex but it definitely includes sex.)

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.  Genesis 1:31

When we promote or watch junk that fills our minds with things that are not good, isn’t that part of the problem?

We cannot UNsee stuff.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.  Philippians 4:8

Is it that we don’t want to bother anyone because we sometimes feel like it’s none of our business and because it will make someone mad and we’re supposed to be peace “keepers?”  Actually the Bible says peace MAKERS.

Blessed are the peaceMAKERS, for they will be called children of God.  Matthew 5:9

What will make you stand up for good?  What is the right thing to do?

The good news is that we do not have to be fighting battles alone.  God is our ever-present help in trouble.  (And God has already won the war.  We know that satan and evil lose.)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Psalm 46:1

EVERY one will answer to God.

EVERY knee shall bow to Jesus.

It is written: “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.'”  Philippians 2:10

This “every knee” includes each person in the “entertainment” industry, each of the leaders of the whole world and people who create, promote, and consume stuff we’ve become numb to and call “entertainment.”

~~>  And this includes you and me.  <~~

Absolutely, as Christians, we DO want to tell the world what we are FOR – and we are FOR GOOD SEX.  Sex, the way God designed it, was and is GOOD.

When we see a trap and do nothing, isn’t NOT saying something making us part of the problem?

 

[It may not be common knowledge that Christians are FOR good, yummy, healthy, wild, incredible, exciting, crazy, fun sex!  As long as you both consent and it’s ONLY you, your spouse, and God, and there is never another person or any other living, breathing anything* involved in any way, then pretty much your imagination is the only limit.  (*No person or anything living or dead… although it seems that wouldn’t need to be said… there are some who aren’t sure of this so it’s included here.)]

“One thing I like about you is…”

Relationships are important.

A marriage relationship is important and tough (probably tougher than any other relationship ever in the whole world, in my opinion.)

I’m always looking for simple ways to help relationships be healthier.  My husband and I have started saying this one sentence and I noticed this could be helpful in possibly any relationship.

Here is an experiment we’ve just started a couple weeks ago.

Every morning we say (out loud to each other) something good we have noticed or something good that we like about each other.

“One thing I like about you is _____________.”

We get too busy in life sometimes, ya know?  With work, school, church, kids, housework, bills, finances, volunteering, rough times, health problems, and a billion more things we can forget to nurture important foundations and critical relationships.  It’s not that we mean to; but it’s just that life happens and sometimes we let moments go by that need attention.

This one sentence thing is proving to be a great idea.

One thing it does is it helps us THINK about the positive things during each day (and night) because we know we need to tell each other something we like about each other every day.

And the negative stuff seems to constantly already be lurking around and threatens to remind us of things we DON’T like about each other… Not sure about you but I’ve had ENOUGH of that.

Another important result of this experiment is that we’re both getting to hear some positive words in the morning.  (Yes, it must be genuine and yes it can be something from the past or present.  Actually, it could even be something positive we see in the future.)  Getting to hear blessings spoken over you is such a powerful thing.

Our kids just told us they’d like to be included in this in the evenings.  Good stuff can be contagious.

We all probably hear WAY too much negative stuff about ourselves (even from our own thoughts) and this is damaging to our brains, hearts, self esteem, and probably in a hundred other ways I’m not thinking to mention.

If you have a great marriage, that’s wonderful!  Maybe this can just be icing.  (And maybe you’re already doing this.)

But many of us have a tougher time in marriage and I know this can help lots of people and wanted to share this idea.

I believe absolutely EVERY person could benefit from hearing something good every day that someone notices about him or her.

Here’s one from me to you today:  One thing I like about you (the person reading this) is that you’re beginning to realize your value; you’re a worthwhile person and you matter.

Today my husband painted my toenails.

Our marriage has been under attack for years. We have been through so much. There is one thing we can agree on. God has been The One to hold us together.

God has put a love in my heart for this stubborn man and He’s put a love in my husband’s heart for this impossible woman!

If it wasn’t for God doing work in our lives, I wouldn’t even be writing here at all.

I shouted, “Let me in!” I cried, “Why do you have these walls built so high?” I tried to tell my husband for years what I needed.

I felt as if he never heard me. (Probably because he didn’t.)

My husband only was able to hear me when my spirit was finally quiet.

The problem with my spirit getting quieter was that part of me was giving up on believing we’d ever have a real, honest, deep relationship with each other.

 

Today my husband painted my toenails.

This takes me being quiet and letting him love on me.

This takes me not correcting him when he’d miss the nail.

This takes me letting go of control and letting him brush side to side instead of how I’d do it.

This takes him listening to me when I tell him water on a paper towel may not take the paint off my skin as well and that a cotton ball and polish remover will work better.

This takes us both letting go of something and listening to each other to get somewhere better.

And I’d rather have this intimate time with him than perfectly painted toenails.

 

I’m praying over your marriage today, also.

God, please touch marriages everywhere and make them into the healthy, beautiful relationships You intended them to be. Please help us let hurts go and be trustworthy for each other. Please help us be transparent; not hiding anything from each other. Please remind us how to show respect to each other and speak softer when we feel upset. God, I pray now for marriages that have yet to happen. Please guide us to be the best husbands and wives we can be. Please give us more moments of husbands painting toenails. Thank You for marriage. We love you, Lord. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

Marriage is probably the toughest job ever.

There are a lot of tough jobs in the world but marriage… just wow!  I know we’re not alone when we say this.

Many people share great ideas and it’s always fun to learn new things that work for other couples.

I’m always trying to figure out how to make our marriage better and help others at the same time.  My husband is a praying man and asks God how to be a better husband to me and better daddy to our kids.  And I ask God to show me how to be a better wife and mommy.

Here is something we started about a year ago. It’s helped us sometimes when we argue.  God put this idea on my heart and I shared it with my husband.  We didn’t waste time getting to the store.

We bought a ball (A 12 to 15 inch ball is best. And NO. Not a baseball or bowling ball even though it’s something that some people may think they’d like to do sometimes – Just don’t.) and when we’d argue, we’d pass the ball back and forth.

It is harder to stay angry when we are playing catch.

We both take turns talking (Toss it.  Don’t hold it.  That’s the point.  It’s easier to talk this way sometimes.) and maybe a few times we threw it rougher than we should have but it really helps during fights.

You could try it and see if it helps for your marriage. If someone can learn anything from our mess we’re glad to share.

We really do like each other.  It’s just that sometimes we forget.

 

Note: If you play ball in the store, they may -or may not- appreciate it so very much. You probably don’t need to ask us how we know this.

 

 

When a Marriage is Broken

Know what satan wants to destroy?  I mean, besides EVERYTHING.

Marriages.  Because when marriage is great, we can serve others in such a big way.  When marriage is broken, we spend so much time trying to fix it.

Give your marriage to God.  HE is enough.  He has worked miracles in our marriage.  When we can go from not liking each other and wanting to not be together so much to a place of healing and smiling and actually liking each other again within a matter of a day, I believe that is God’s hand in our marriage.

Sometimes it’s easier to “love” and serve someone than it is to “like” him or her and want to spend time together.

Trust Him.

God is in the business of restoring people, hearts, marriages, and a lot more!

ASK God to mend your marriage.  And I’ll be praying over this for you, too.

Here.  Start with this:

“Dear God, I don’t even like my husband/wife very much.  You’ve seen the hurt and pain in our marriage.  I am giving my marriage to You.  Please bless it and show us how to love each other again because we don’t even know how.  I want to ask that You give us eyes to see each other the way You see each of us.  And I want to thank you for the work you are doing even as I ask this.  Please make me into the husband/wife You want me to be.  Specifically please help me forgive him/her for ______________”

Mommy is a pole dancer for Daddy (and that is healthy)

I wanted to look sexier for myself and for my husband (even though he already likes the way I look and he’d never ask me to work out unless it was with him and for fun. He seems to have eyes that see me kinda the way God sees me. As beautiful.)

The best thing was to just tough it out and do regular work outs like regular people but working out is not one of my favorite things to do. Knowing I NEED to work out even though it’s torture

I chose to look for a more fun way to do it.

I found a pole dancing exercise place just for women. What a GREAT idea! I’d work out, feel sexier, look better, AND have a special private show for my husband.

Yes it really was a great idea but if I did this I knew I’d want to install poles in our bedroom so I could do my work outs at home for date nights also.

It may sound silly but this was heavy on my mind. I REALLY wanted to do this. But HOW could I install a pole in my bedroom when we have kids? WHAT would we tell them? Do I install two poles and say they are for support for our ceiling? Do we put a hammock hanging between them? “Oh kids, look at the metal trees.” Do we install one and say it’s a Maypole? (You know, those poles where children dance around it holding the ribbons.)

But we don’t lie to our kids. And some day they’ll eventually see a pole somewhere and they’ll know what the dancing is about and they may go into shock remembering

“that wedding anniversary when mommy and daddy installed the pole in their room.”

Lying on the counselor’s couch they’ll say, “So THAT’S what that was for! Say it isn‘t so!!”

I asked several girlfriends what they thought I should say to my kids about it. Nobody had the perfect answer that wouldn’t be dishonest. After a few months I gave up. I didn’t take the pole dancing class. I didn’t install a pole. I didn’t dance for my husband and I didn’t work out most of that year.

A while after that I was talking to my mother in law. She’s a preacher’s wife and a good, fun, God fearing mother and Grammy. She’s not afraid to give her opinion and we like that about her.

I told her it would be fun to take this class together if we lived closer to each other. I told her of the debating and agony I went through and that I’d want a pole in our bedroom if we did that exercise class.

I said THE reason I didn’t take the class is because I didn’t know what to tell her grandbabies about the pole. This sweet preacher’s wife had the best answer EVER. She said, “Well that’s easy. Tell them you had a REALLY FUN MARRIAGE!”

Time to sign up for that class!

Prayers are always welcome here (We feel God is calling our family to Alaska to open & care for a homeless teen center.)

You know when someone says they feel called to adopt a child and so people pray for the adoption but sometimes forget to pray for life AFTER the adoption. Then you hear people whisper, “Well, what’d they THINK was gonna happen?!”

Do not think for a second that the adoption wasn’t God-led. It very likely was but satan didn’t like it one bit. Sooo… there’s drama sometimes.

~
You know we pray all the time for our kids to finish high school and college but sometimes we forget to pray for AFTER high school and college. “Well just look at the crowd they fell in with.”

Well from our experience with most churches, a kid leaves for college only to return to their home congregation to find they’re suddenly not welcome in the high school group anymore.

Then churches cry and say, “Where have we gone wrong with the 19 to 30 year olds?”

I have an idea…

~
You know how we prepare for the wedding but sometimes don’t spend as much time praying over the marriage. You sometimes even hear of people placing bets on marriages to see how long they’ll last.

Really? Please don’t be that guy. PRAY over their marriage. Please don’t bet it won’t work.

~
We are moving to Alaska. We get crazy looks all the time. All we know is God is moving us there to love on people who are hurting and we’re a pretty good choice for this so I can’t figure why anyone would doubt it but that’s beside the point.

I came personally online (blog, Facebook, Twitter) to share my faith and to find prayer warriors, connections, financial, and any other support we can find for this move.

If you pray, please start praying for our lives AFTER the move (and still for the move, itself) because honestly it’s a little scary. We’ve never been there.

It’s not like we’ve been saying, “Oh, look. Easy life in Alaska.”

We’ve just shared our faith and that we know God’s moving us.

What should we say? “No, God, that just won’t do.”

Um… not gonna to do that.

We’re moving in faith. That IS the plan. Prayer.

So if you’re skeptical, that’s cool. You can still be skeptical AND please pray for us as we take this step of faith.

Moving my kids to new friends and schools and all that goes with a big move is more than a little intimidating.

Thank you and may God bless you even more than you pray He blesses us.

We’re Married. Friends or Enemies?

[Important Note: Some marriages are broken from the beginning. Please don’t bully people into staying in abusive situations. You also don’t have to hate divorced people. God hates divorce, but He never, ever said He hates divorced people.]

What I believe happens is that satan throws stones at us. He throws one at my husband and whispers to him that I did it and throws one at me and tells me that my husband threw it. Then he sits back and watches, hoping what he’s done will cause damage and confusion.

We have power over this. We are given power by God. If we claim God as our Savior we have nothing to fear. Do not be afraid.

I tried to figure out WHY marriage would be this hard. How come we argued so much and so often? I’ve had other relationships and they weren’t this difficult at all.

That’s when it hit me. Through my tears I realized that satan has done this. Somehow we allowed the enemy to get a foothold and a stronghold.

Here’s what God showed me:

We’re sitting. I’m reading a book and he’s watching T.V. and I feel a hard hit to my head. I spin around in anger and say, “Why did you throw that at me?!”

My husband, who has also received a rock to the head, fights back, saying, “Me? You threw this at me!”

So satan stands back and keeps whispering to us all the negative things about each other and enjoys the confusion he’s created. Then we realize in a sudden moment of clarity what has happened. We drop the rocks, drop to our knees, and pray together. Then is satan ever mad!  But we push him out the door together and he shrinks into a tiny puff of nothing.

Think about this.  The enemy doesn’t have a need to go after people he’s already got.

If you’re having a tough time it may be because you’re doing something right.

You stole pieces of me and left me broken and afraid (Sexual molestation)

I was 9 years old.

You stole pieces of me and left me broken and afraid. I believed the lies that I was nothing. I believed that this was all I was good for. You belong in prison and you know it.

You took my innocence and my confidence. You are the lowest of low people and you have NO excuses for what you did. You say it’s because someone molested you so you molested others? That’s a bunch of lies!

You molested ME and I would NEVER hurt another person this way.

There IS a choice. It can stop with YOU.

I matter. You should have seen that I matter. You should have been someone good in my life. Instead you are someone who wrecked into my life and made me feel like nothing.

If you repent and are baptized and go to Heaven, that’s great. As for this life, you belong in prison. I forgive you because my heart needs to be free to love on other people and help them heal. I forgive you because God says to. I forgive you because you are so broken that you don’t even realize what you’ve done to so many people. I feel sorry for you.

You made me afraid for so many years. I thought you would come after me. You don’t even know that part. All those years I spent afraid that you would come after me, I now realize you were thinking nothing about me AND you were still molesting other kids and sleeping with anyone of “legal” age who would have sex with you. The damage you did was still happening and you just lived care free.

You are nothing but a coward. You will answer to God FOR EVERY THOUGHT you had about me and you will also answer just the same for all the other kids you molested. Yes, you have to answer to Him. He’s my Daddy and He is NOT happy about the way you think about me and what you’ve done.

Thank you for inspiring me to write this. I know it will help so many people.

See?

That’s the thing.

God is using the very thing that you used against me to help other people heal. I am NOT afraid anymore. I am very worthwhile and I matter.

And now I will spend the rest of my life telling other people that they matter.

Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now — life for many people.  -Genesis 50:20

I forgive you and, NO, you may NEVER be around my children. I forgive you. I’m not stupid.

Sincerely, Me

~

Let me tell you something.

There is NOTHING sexy about a 9 year old little girl. There is NOTHING sexy about a 3 year old or a 15 year old for that matter. Some of those years it’s just called puberty, you piece of trash. A 15 year old child is a child. She may have a body starting to look like a woman but her mind is nowhere near ready for sex or a “relationship.”

People who molest and rape children are lower than bill collector scum. They are NOTHING. God can love them and forgive them and that’s way beyond my understanding, because I do not see HOW He can, but that’s because I’m human and I have only limited understanding.

~

POEM – or whatever you want to call it.

Please let me be a kid.

Please let me get to play hide and seek, ride my bike and play on the playground without you looking at me like that. Please let me walk with my friends without worry that you’ll take me from my family or take away my childhood.

Please see that I’m a child of God and know that He’s gonna be really, REALLY mad about what you’re thinking. Please let me be a whole, confident, safe kid and grow to be a person who can help other people in the world find their talents and meet their goals.

Please let me just be a kid.

I only get one opportunity to be a kid and you can help make it a wonderful time or make it the most horrible memory for me.

Please just let me be a kid. Please do not take my pictures. Please do not have wrong intentions toward me. Please don’t bother me.

Please know that if you do anything to me that is against God, you will answer to Him for it. You will stand in God’s presence and He will ask you, “Why?” and you, alone, must tell Him, our Daddy, why you hurt me. I don’t know if He’ll take the excuse that someone touched you so that’s why you can’t control yourself. Please don’t make excuses at all. Please don’t touch me in a way that God would be sad about. Please just let me be healthy and please don’t introduce sex to me when I’m only a child. You don’t have the right to do that. You don’t have the right to hurt me. You don’t have the right to even think the things you are thinking about me.

I can tell. I will tell. If someone isn’t smart enough to help or hear me, then I will tell another grown up and another and another until someone is smart enough to help me get away from you. You do not have the right to make me a dirty, little secret. You do not have the right to take away my innocence.

I’m bigger than you. I’m braver than you. I’m braver because I pray for you now. I pray that you feel loved on enough at home and by God to not ever bully or hurt other people.

Please, please just let me be a kid. -Kerri Valor

She is Somebody’s Daughter (Pornography)

My marriage was attacked by brokenness.

Women who pose in pornography films and magazines are broken inside. Period. If you could just see the pain inside the heart of the girl in the porn video or magazine, you’d ache for her with a different part of you. You’d want to help her find healing. You’d treat her like the Child of God that she really is. She just doesn’t believe it yet or know that she really is yet.

She is somebody’s daughter. She is someone’s niece, aunt, sister, mom, grandma, but most importantly she is WORTHY of so much more than the life she’s trapped in.

Pornography was holding my husband’s attention and we did not realize HOW much it was wrecking our marriage. After a few months in marriage counseling my husband and a very great marriage counselor came to the same conclusion.

Pornography was destroying our marriage.

She was so wise. She said, “There is just NO place for it anywhere.” (I pray you have wise counselors who give this advice because I’ve heard of ones who don’t and that’s very unfortunate.)

But the problem is that even soft porn is EVERYWHERE. He has to “bounce” his eyes a lot. The sad thing is you cannot UNsee what you saw. Yes God CAN take the images out of your head but sometimes our brains hold onto stuff long after we don’t even want it there anymore.

Even now, 4 years after he’s been able to break free from that trap, and it absolutely IS a TRAP, set on purpose to enslave you forever, there are many times that the residual effects crawl out of the corners of the darkness and claw at our marriage threatening to destroy it.

One thing we’ve noticed is that after we’d be together, he wouldn’t speak to me much for about 3 days. This was killing me. I felt like he didn’t care. He sure cared enough a few days ago. After I finally figured this part out he said he didn’t even realize he was doing it. We figured out together that it was from the past of seeing pornography and then the shame from it just overwhelmed him. Well, if he’s feeling that shame, he may not want to talk to me because it hurt me and he knows it.

But this was our marriage and it was OKAY for him to be together with me. God designed sex for married people. It’s fun and healthy when there is never another person or any other living, breathing anything involved in any way. As long as you both consent, and it’s ONLY you, your spouse, and God, then pretty much your imagination is the limit.

But the trap that pornography IS does THIS kinda damage and lots of it. Sometimes we’re not even aware of as the cycle keeps on going;  Together. He ignores me for 3 days. I feel like I’m invisible.  And this is only ONE example of the damage pornography does.

He said this may be a forever thing he has to work on and he actually ONLY was able to break free because of God’s help.

 

If you are upset with me for writing about this I apologize. Kids hear stuff from other kids and teachers at school, online, at work, in youth group even, and unfortunately we as parents and people at churches mostly don’t talk about healthy sexuality but we MUST talk to our kids. They WILL learn about stuff somewhere and aren’t YOU the very best person to talk to him or her about such important things? I believe you are.

So I’m just putting this in here to say I’m very sorry if it offends someone to talk about pornography. It unfortunately is a bigger problem than lots of people realize and we have to take off blinders and masks and get rid of stuff satan uses to attack our families every day. It’s not easy to talk sometimes but we just have to.

 

Now I Die or on second thought… maybe just have a Trash Ministry

I was married before. Yes, you’re reading this from a divorced and remarried child of The One True King. Trust me. I KNOW. You just DON’T get divorced. When I was growing up there was no, “but if you do get a divorce then this is what to do…”

You

JUST

DON’T.

But I was.

I was and I could not fix it.

Do you know what? I now know a little about why God says He hates divorce. Boy, I do too!! I HATE it! It’s awful.

God used a guy I really didn’t care for at work to get me to “wake up and live” after divorce. He said, “Well what are you going to do now?” I said, “What do you mean, ‘What am I gonna do now?’ Now I die.” He said, “No. You just turn the page.”

Isn’t it JUST like God to use someone you’re not particularly fond of to teach you a lesson He wants to teach? What a sense of humor, right?  That happens often, doesn’t it? Or maybe that’s just me.

[My oldest daughter has come home saying someone was not kind to her and it’s really not fun to be around that person. My response is usually something like, “Well looks like God may have her in your life for a reason. Maybe one of you is there to teach or learn something from the other.” (Not her favorite answer.)  But she usually responds with something like, “I know… I was afraid of that.”]

Anyway back to divorce, I’m telling you about my divorce to let you know my life is not perfection and just because NOW I can work on helping other people more, my life has not been where I felt I could do much for anyone.

Gotta lay down our pride if we’re going to love on other people and help them through stuff. And we’re layin’ it all down.

My life is full of not wise choices. And if it was perfect then maybe nobody’d want to hear what I have to say anyway. I’ve found it’s not much fun to talk to someone who clearly can’t seem to understand the struggles I’m going through. They cannot know the pain I know so I don’t want to talk with them because they kind of just wouldn’t understand.

Anyway, there is a lot of ash God’s turning into beauty in each of us SO THAT we can help pick others up outta their trash and so on.

The thing is, God can and does use the ugly stuff in our lives to turn around and glorify Him. He takes our trash and makes it a ministry.  I guess I have a trash ministry.

And I’m proud to say it.

“What do you do?”

“Glad you asked. I have a trash ministry.”

I’m pretty sure you may just have a trash ministry too.

 

It’s sad when some people react like, “DUDE! Don’t you ‘know better’ than to say that kinda stuff?!” My answer is, “DUDE, don’t you know YOU NEED to talk about that kinda stuff?!” You NOT talking about it COULD be stopping someone God has put in your path who needs healing, but because you are afraid to speak, you are not helping them. Your testimony, no matter how big or small you think it is, is the key to unlock someone else’s hell.