Seven Million Tears (Divorce)

I remember the waves of sadness that would crash over me. There wasn’t any rhyme or reason so I’d know when to expect the next one.

There may be a song or a moment or words spoken and the waves of sadness threatened to take me under. It was so hard to breathe. I may be in a store or in the library. I had go to my car and get out of there because I couldn’t stop the tears – or the pain.

Sobbing uncontrollably in public isn’t fun.

People usually don’t know what to say when someone is going through a divorce. It’s almost as uncomfortable for them as it is for the people going through it.  (Almost.)

A few years after I’d cried the last of the seven million tears and healed from my divorce, my Uncle Dale visited me. He was going through some deep grieving over the end of his marriage.

I sat with him and we talked. We prayed together. Of course we cried together. I hugged him and THEN I said it; The words I never thought would have left my mouth (and shocked that I’d even THINK them,) “I’m so glad I’ve been divorced so I can help you through this.”

WHAT?!

I mean, WHAT?!

I couldn’t believe I said that.

Those words just left my mouth.

I HEARD what I’d said… and I MEANT it.

I was never EVER glad to be divorced in ANY way – until that moment.

Someone was hurting ~ and I understood the pain. ~ I could be there for him and help in some way that others couldn’t.

That’s what it’s all about. If we hide the stuff we’ve been through in our lives how can we help someone else?

You don’t have to wonder how you’ll know who needs your story.

God leads people to each other all the time. Ask Him who and when.

You’ll know.

Your seven million tears have a purpose even bigger than helping you heal from your pain.

Your life matters. Your story matters. How you feel about it all matters. What matters next is what you will do with it.

 

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God sees something MORE in you than you’re able to see in yourself.

People go into the military KNOWING it will be tough and KNOWING they will be tested. From boot camp to battle and even after that, life is demanding and tough.

They don’t fuss about the training because they KNOW the training is extremely important for the incredible job they are doing.  (Fussing and crying are different.  There are times for tears and that’s okay.  Tears are cleansing.)

And people respect when others accept this calling to go into the military and into battle in this all-or-nothing sacrifice.

~

We have a choice to follow Jesus.

And we KNOW it will be tough and that we’ll be tested. The Bible says life will be tough, yet many times we fuss, “Why me?”

Why you? Oh, beautiful child of God, don’t you understand?

~ Because God sees something MORE in you than you’re able to see in yourself yet; this is “why you.” ~

God didn’t cause people to make bad choices and hurt you. He’s the One who can turn the test into a testimony and the mess into a message.

“And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

ALL things.

Some people have heard their calling and are living it. They have peace even when it storms, real help because God won’t leave them on their own to do a job He’s called them to, and they’ll tell you they wouldn’t go back to their old life for any reason.

If you will let Him, God will make you into a soldier who is able to do more than you could ever imagine on your own. He will give you a job He’s prepared just for you.

And EVERY part of your life is training. Nothing is wasted.

ALL the stuff you’ve been through has meaning. Give it to Him. Ask Him what His plan is for your life. God is a detail God. ALL your details matter. Trust Him.

 

You have influence.

What are you supposed to be doing? I don’t mean what is your job that pays the bills right now because that may or may not be part of your “calling.”

Certainly at work, or school if your job is school right now, (and it doesn’t matter what age you are) there are people you meet every day God has put in your path for a reason; customers, co-workers, teachers, and don’t overlook the person you don’t know yet standing in line at lunch or the person working behind the counter.

Some people you meet are there to teach you and sometimes you are teaching them. Sometimes you’re learning from each other.

You have influence.

What did God design you to do? You are created for a specific purpose and your talents are part of whatever your calling is.

Please don’t think you’re too old or too young or it’s too late or too early for you to ask Him what you are supposed to be doing with your life. I have heard about people doing what God wanted them to do when they were hundreds of years old and I have heard about a king who was only 7 years old.

So the age thing is not a “thing” at all.

(NOTE:  I’m not 100% sure but it doesn’t seem that the king finished college.  Do not let someone tell you that you are not “educated” enough to do what God has called you to do. In fact, there are many people in the Bible (and in your circle of influence) who have done amazing work for the Lord and I did not read that college was even invented yet in Bible times.  –  No.  Just don’t.  Do not send me hate mail saying that I said college is not important.  College is great for several reasons.  What I said is that we CAN and we WILL do great things for God – Period – no matter the level of “formal” education.)

I know there are babies who never made it out of the womb alive due to miscarriages or abortions yet are making a difference in this world even though they never took their first breaths.  EVERY soul matters and there is a purpose for EVERY soul.

YOU CAN make a difference.

I can’t know what your calling is FOR you. YOU have to ask God what He created you to do. Please ask Him? Then watch what happens in your life. I don’t know how that looks for you but if you start asking Him every day what He wants you to do today I believe He will show you.

The Bible is a “LIVING WORD” and since It’s a Living Word, God still leads us. I don’t get it when people don’t believe He still leads us today. I think many Christians are not really believing this though they speak it with their mouths. Many are not living it. How can you call the Bible a “Living Word” and call God “Alive” when you act and live as if He’s not? Our To-Do lists are not as important as His To-Do List. How do you know what His list looks like if you are not actively asking Him daily?

Please, please get up? I believe in you. I know bad stuff has happened but we need you. If you were not this important and God didn’t have a purpose for you then why would the enemy work SO hard to keep you down?

Please ask Him what He created you to do? This dark world really needs you to stand up and shine right now.

YOU CAN.

Here, I’ll start. You finish. “God, please show me what You created me for and please pick me up and give me a place to stand. I believe that You designed me on purpose and for a purpose. Please show me how to…”

 

I keep trying to think of a title for this.

“Cookie Cutter People”

or maybe

“After God Created You He Broke the Mold”

But I’m not sure He made a “mold” for you. He formed you with His Hands. There is not another you anywhere in the world so… why would He need a mold or a cookie cutter when you’re the only you?

You are unique. You matter. He planned you. ON PURPOSE.

You are not a mistake. You are not an accident.

~~> You liked you until someone told you not to like you. <~~

When you look in the mirror and say, "I don't like my nose."

Talk about insulting an artist!!!

God, please forgive us when we complain about Your masterpieces.

Hey YOU, God is not finished with you yet
but I think He did a great job creating you and
I look forward to the rest of your life
and how He'll shine through you even for the rest of today.

(Note: Please do not send me hate mail about cosmetic surgery etc. I think you are beautiful and I'm not just talking about the outside of you.)

Something Important

I guess I silently (and without even being aware of it) was dreading the phone call. It was about one of our monthly bills and I’d probably rather do many other things instead although I don’t mind this part of my job too much.

It’s funny to me how God works and when God works – like even in the littlest things – and in times we’re not actively looking.

The call ended with a sweet voice on the other end of the phone telling me some about her life and she’d like to connect online. I spoke about how it’s a little uncomfortable not making my own plans daily while walking in faith.

We agreed the five minute (regular, mundane, common, ordinary) phone call turned out to be a blessing for both of us.

Instead of looking at stuff we have to get done as just another thing, what if we each looked at it as an opportunity for God to shine through us? Sometimes I forget to keep that mindset about every day stuff.

Every encounter can be something important. Keep your eyes (and ears) open.

Thank You, God, for reminding me when I forget. Thank You for faithfully reminding me what this life is all about.

YOU CAN!

Be careful, little mouth, what you say.
How powerful are words?

I know a Guy who spoke the whole world into existence.

Your words matter.

Matthew 12
34b “…For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. 35 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36 But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. 37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

You meet people every day someone else will never meet. Nobody has the same path you have. People God leads across your path NEED YOU to speak life about them and TO them.

When we’re tempted to grumble about people (which happens, like, every day)…

that driver who cut us off in traffic,

the person who cut in line when we only have 20 minutes for lunch,

when the kid at school makes fun of our kid and our child comes home in tears,

the mom who has a bad day and desperately wants to know all this work she’s doing matters,

the dad who works hard and knows his wife and kids want some of his time, too, so he spends the evening playing “catch” when he’s wanting time for himself,

…take a breath.

 

And maybe instead of the first (possibly crushing) words that come to mind,

turn it around and speak a blessing over them instead.

Speak life and love.

You can do this. You got this! I believe in you.

 

Alaska Homeless Teen Center Fundraiser

To donate please click the link below

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Please share?

This is bigger than just our family.  This is more than 4 people moving to Alaska.

This is huge!  This will take much more than money.  This will need volunteers, paid employees, land, buildings, donations, beds, food, chairs, computers, desks, clothing, sewing machines, counselors, police, lawyers, cooks, janitors, financial guys, etc.

Prayers please?

The same God Who gave Power to David’s sling and stones is able to lift us to do His Work when we obey & look to Him & give Him the Glory.

 

 

No Limit ~Guest Post by Tony Stites (Homeless Kids)

I once thought about becoming a youth minister, and asked my dad what he thought.

Without even taking time to think about it he said, “No.”

After a few days went by, it started eating at me as to why he said no so fast. So I called him up and asked why he’d said no.

He then told me he thought I would make a great youth minister, but if I had to ask, it was not the job for me.

My dad told me if I was going to be a preacher or missionary of any kind it has to be such a strong passion that there is no way my mind can be changed, or it will not succeed.

I have been good at lots of things.

In my younger days I never found anyone I could not beat in a mile race.

I have never found anything I can’t fix.

But those are not passions; they are just things I’m good at.

I have such a strong pull to go help people in Wasilla that even if it is just one person I reach, it is worth it.

God has put it on my heart to go.

I have talked to the girls and my wife many times about this. And I asked them the same thing Jesus asked in Luke 14:25-30.

I told them that we may be sleeping on the floor for a few months before we can get a bed. I told them it was going to be a hard road.

Everyone has agreed it does not matter. The pull is too great. Not going would just make us miserable. We would rather go sleep on the ground, sit on the floor, and eat from the pot we cook in than sit here with all our stuff.

Wasilla is just a small part in what is going on.

When Noah built, God brought the animals to the ark.

Wasilla is the location God is telling us to build a teen center, and He will bring the people we are supposed to minister to.

I know most people don’t get it. No we don’t hear voices but God keeps opening doors and I keep walking through and this is the place He has led me.

Our whole family has a peace and joy about it.  And my girls and wife are amazed at the things they are able to give up without a second thought.

It’s not about how many people we may help. It may be 100. But if it’s just ONE person it still matters 100%. This is what we know we are supposed to do.

God turned 5 loaves and 2 fish into enough to feed 5 thousand.

There’s no limit to what He can do with 20 homeless kids.

“Daddy, what do YOU want me to do today?”

What if your child woke up one day and said, “Daddy, what do YOU want me to do today?”

And then did this every day.

HOW much does that open up possibilities for a life when the child asks this one, simple question… and then obeys it?

Let that sink in to your beautiful head.

And as a parent, you would equip your child with everything needed for each specific job, right? Or at least you’d guide your child find the tools and stuff needed, correct?

I wonder how many people understand much about “dying to self and living through Christ’s death.” I’m telling you that no church I’ve gone to taught me to do what I’m doing now ~ but I believe they really all should be teaching (and living) this part of the Bible. It’s pretty important.

I’m exhausted physically and emotionally but spiritually am very much awake and alive.

Do you have the courage to ask God every morning, “God, what do YOU want me to do today?”

Every day?

Can you do this?

I KNOW you can.

I don’t know how they got homeless.

Guest post by Chloe Liv.
Written on her 14th birthday.

~
“This is going to be the BEST Christmas ever! I actually have soap to shower!”

Her words stopped me in my tracks, as a tear ran down my cheek. Her clothes were torn and dirty. Her hair looked like it hadn’t been brushed or washed in a week. She was missing some of her teeth and the ones she still had needed a toothbrush badly. I don’t know where she slept last night, and she probably doesn’t know where she’ll sleep tonight.

And to think I was upset about not getting an ipod for Christmas this year…

I recently went with a church on a mission trip and was homeless for 3 days and nights.

Now I feel guilty that I just got done throwing my fit about not getting a big Christmas, and this woman was crying tears of joy over getting… soap.

My hair is clean. I showered today in a clean shower with hot water. My teeth are brushed. And when I go home I have a nice, soft, cozy bed to sleep in.

I ate dinner tonight. I knew when I woke up this morning that I would eat dinner tonight. And I might have leftovers that would get thrown away.

For my birthday this year and maybe next year and the next, I am collecting things from anyone who will give stuff for all these people we met.

I don’t know how they got homeless, and I don’t know how to get them a home, but I’m going to do what I can to love on them because maybe they just need to know somebody cares.

Mustard Seeds, His Money, and a Question

A church we went to for a short time taught me a couple things that other churches my whole life had never taught me but should have.

And I made ONE simple life change.

HIS MONEY.

Give. Start with 10% and also go up from there any time God moves your heart to give. NOT just when you feel like it as many churches excuse. NOT from your leftovers IF you have some after all the bills and going out to eat.

GIVE. Period.

You give simply because God says to.

It is all about being obedient to God.

God spoke and created the entire world. He does not need YOUR money to do anything. You give because He said to give. You give out of your first money.

WHERE do you think the money came from?
WHERE do you think your job came from?
WHERE do you think the talents to DO your job came from?

God.

MUSTARD SEEDS.

The other thing this church did that we’d never seen before was something they called a Mustard Seed Offering. In this service they handed out an envelope with several mustard seeds in them.

The front of the envelope had this on it:

{SEEDS OF FAITH

Jesus said, “For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

THESE SEEDS REPRESENT MY FAITH FOR A MIRACLE.

“For whatsoever a man sows, that he will also reap.” Galatians 6:7}

And on the back we were told to write everything we are asking of God.

We did. I filled up the entire back of that envelope! I have lots of prayers and some are small and some are big. Some are so big that ONLY God could bless it or give it.

And I believed it right then (almost 1 year ago) and I still believe it now because this is still happening every day.

A QUESTION.

The ONE simple life change I made is every morning before I get out of bed I ask God, “God, what do YOU want me to do today?”

See? Simple.

Think about this. It’s not like God’s going to FORCE you to ask him. He’s not going to FORCE you to do what He wants. We have free choice.

If you liked a person and decided to marry him or her, you wouldn’t just one day suddenly be married, right? You ASK for that person to marry you.

If your child finally comes to you and says, “Hey, Dad, what do YOU want me to do today?” The possibilities are endless. Am I right?

This sounds simple. And it is. And the giant ways God will move and work in your life is something amazing! The ways He’s been working in mine sometimes leaves me speechless and in awe of His power and how true it is that He keeps His promises. He just never gives up on me.

I challenge you to do this.

GIVE.
Give 10% of your FIRST money (and also any time God leads you to give.

How can you receive MORE money and blessings
if you’re fists are so tightly holding on to the little bit of money you have now?
Open your hands.)

ASK.

Ask God every day,

“God, what do YOU want me to do today?”

Get HIGHer!

When God shows you what HE wants you to do and HIS plan for your life, it’s exhausting.

And exciting, and fun, and scary.  I think it’s probably the ultimate thrill!

People are searching for a high and for something to fill the voids in their lives.

This is it.

I know the secret to make your life happy and whole.  His name is Jesus.  I’m not saying everything is happy all the time.  In fact, the Bible says it won’t be.  But the peace that covers us is divine and supernatural even in times when life is tough.

Try this.

Every morning before you get out of bed, ask God, “God, what do YOU want me to do today?  Please show me.”

He SO does this!

You will be happier and filled with passion because the VERY things HE wants for your life are aligned with YOUR talents that He’s given you.

What’s close to your heart?  Working with special needs kids?  Helping at nursing homes?  Building houses?  Caring for animals?  What about food passions?

There are so many great passions we have that we let rest because we don’t simply ASK GOD to show us what He wants us to do.

Just try it.

What do you have to lose?

You may very well be exhausted while doing it though because think about this:  When a child fiiinally asks his mom, “Hey, mom, what do YOU want me to do today instead of the stuff I want to do?”

OH, YES!!  Put him to work!  Am I right?!

When we give up our “To Do” lists (and our lists ARE important) of what WE want to do every day, God blesses it so big that we are finally getting to use the talents He gave us in the ways He knows will be most fulfilling to us.

Right now, whatever time it is, even if it’s just in your own head, say, “God, please show me what YOU want me to do today.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.”  (And then do it again tomorrow.  It’s amazing!)

Your life matters.  Are you living out your passion?  Or is something missing?

Time to get to work… and LOVE it.

It’s not easy and if somebody told you it is, then maybe someone lied to you.

God gives us our talents and jobs and He equips us to do stuff He calls us to do.

And He gives us the tools to do our jobs. Sometimes we may not even understand how to use the tools He gives us. When we let go and ask Him WHY, WHAT, and HOW to do the jobs He’s given us, life usually gets better and makes more sense.

Sometimes people don’t understand all you’re doing and why and that’s okay. God’s not leading them to walk your life. You just have faith and courage to listen and use the tools He’s given you.

It’s not easy and if somebody told you it is, then maybe someone lied to you. But it IS worth it.

Ask God what He’s wanting you to do. Uncomfortably, many times it has to do with the trash and not fun stuff in our lives but that’s okay because He is God and He can turn our trash into beauty. He’s the only One who can do this. Ask Him and Trust Him. I know you have the courage to do this.

The wind and the waves and the sharks and the snakes ARE definitely out there. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

Pick each other up IN LOVE and WITH LOVE

When a baby has a poopy diaper, we change it.

What if we left the baby in the poopy diaper because he’s comfortable and we don’t want to upset him because cleaning him up and helping him get out of the poop is a process and he’s tired and the wipes are cold and he’s pretty content the way he is.

No.

That would be neglect.

We change the diaper because we love him SO much. It’s called caring for him. We will change the diaper EVERY time it’s poopy. That’s how it should be.

We need to care enough for each other that we help each other out of the poop our lives are in. That is not wrong to do.

We need to matter SO much to each other that we notice and take the time IN LOVE and WITH LOVE to help lift each other out of the poop.

And it MUST be IN LOVE and WITH LOVE. It takes time and kindness. Sometimes after I know you love me, I will be able to listen to you and let you care for me.

That’s how it should be. We should matter.

What if we could REALLY see people?

What if we could REALLY see people?

I mean, what if we could see past what they drive?
Past what they wear?
Past their moods?
Past their bodies?

What if we could SEE the condition of people’s souls?

I wonder if THEN we’d treat each other with a little more consideration.

Matthew 5:3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Tattooed

I recently heard about people who tattoo poetry on their bodies in various places. Pretty cool idea. Those words meant SO much to them that they made them a PART of their body and life.

The thing is that when you simply HEAR words, they BECOME a part of you, tattooed in your mind, just because you heard them spoken.

Think about the WORST thing that someone has ever said to you or about you. That became a part of you whether you meant for it to or not. And it probably wasn’t even true. But you heard it and believed it. You took it to “heart” even though it was probably false.

The stuff you listen to matters. The stuff you think about in your own brain matters. Philippians 4:8. The stuff you hear and think about becomes words you speak to yourself and to others. Check out Matthew 15:16-20.

Now think about the BEST thing someone ever said about you… Sometimes it’s harder to pull those memories to the front of your mind.

Words get tattooed in our minds whether or not we intentionally want them there.

The music I listen to “because I like the beat but I don’t listen to the words.” Yes. I do. I do actually hear the words. The stuff you say to and speak about your kids MATTERS. They hear it and they believe it. Those words you speak to yourself about yourself… It matters.

Remember this as you speak TO and ABOUT other people.

THEY MATTER!

Speak words TELLING them that they matter
because
YOUR
words
get
tattooed
on
THEIR
hearts.

Entertainment? (Celebrities and Fame)

When we celebrate when celebrities fail or fall, WE are part of the problem.  When we mock, tease, spread gossip, and laugh when celebrities mess up (or when anyone messes up, for that matter) we are hurting them; not helping them.

If we were 15 (or whatever age) and we had no privacy because of fame (which we may or may not have wanted) all our lives are on display; mistakes included.

Think about how a kid answers questions…

“Want your own show?”  “Sure!”

“Want a puppy?”  “Sure!”

I’m certain that most kids who get into show business do not understand the world they’re now part of and how damaging it can be.

And if we had Hollywood with its lack of any moral compass telling us that this really NOT good stuff IS “right” or “fun” or that we “should” or whatever… how would WE react?

This lifestyle these kids are in just breaks my heart. I cannot IMAGINE.

~~~>  And the adults who promote it and stuff… There aren’t enough words in any vocabulary to say how angry and sad that makes me. Oh, how the adults are going to be held accountable for leading kids away from Jesus!  <~~~

I’m just REALLY not sure anyone could say that these famous kids understand all they’re doing. (Probably no kids understand all the stuff they do.)

I’m NOT saying they’re not accountable. They ARE accountable.
We ALL are accountable for stuff we do and say. (Ours is mostly not in the public eye and THAT would make a huge difference.)

I AM saying that I remember in my 20s thinking that I knew some stuff when I was younger.
That’s funny.

Then I remember in my 30s thinking I knew some stuff in my 20s. That’s even funnier.

But now in my 40s I thought I knew stuff when I was in my 30s… Just wow!

–>  What I know is that God keeps teaching me.  <–  I have gray hair and I’m still learning all the time.

I’m praying for these young “stars” who are made to dance and act and say lines from someone’s script for “entertainment purposes” because I just REALLY don’t think they understand all of it.

If we were in the same situation, I’m not sure we would either.

(Grace and forgiveness. Yes. But we are accountable for all the moments of our lives. All that being said… I’m NOT okay AT ALL with what many young “stars” are doing. I am NOT excusing it.)

I AM praying over celebrities lives instead of spreading the rumors and pictures and I’m asking YOU to do the same.

Because if people stopped calling it “entertainment” and paying for it as “entertainment” maybe stuff would change.  Please be part of the solution.

Coffee, Donuts, and Carnations

When I was a little girl in elementary school my dad would take me to have coffee and donuts sometimes early in the morning before school. I loved it. We’d sit together sipping coffee.  He’d read the newspaper and I got a daddy daughter date.

I remember sitting there with all the business men and thinking how cool that was and what a lucky girl I was to get to do this with my dad.

We weren’t in a hurry.

And I got to get glazed donuts from my favorite donut place.  It didn’t cost much money.   Just a little of his time.  These memories are some of my favorite times I ever had with just me and my dad.

Then when I was in high school my dad would send me a carnation flower for Valentine’s Day and that meant so much to me. It made me feel important.  This was back when the school office would deliver all the flowers to the classrooms.  Many girls would get many flowers and I really appreciate that he took a few minutes to order that one flower just for me.  (Between you and me, I’m pretty sure my mom encouraged dad to do these things and that’s okay.  They created special memories.)

The important thing is that it really doesn’t take big gestures and whole days to make these memories with our kids.  Little girls need their daddies and good, healthy relationships with them.   If there is a healthy, close relationship between a girl and her daddy, then when a boy offers his “love” a daughter makes wiser choices and won’t fall for every boy who shows her attention.

Listen to your daughters speak.  Let them talk about whatever is important to them and engage in the conversation.  Take your daughters on dates to show them how they should be treated.

It just matters.

[Note:  I am a girl so I am writing from a girl’s perspective about her dad.  There are maybe other writers who write from a son’s perspective with mom or dad.  All I know is that a few minutes of real genuine, involved conversation between parents and kids matters.]

Research THIS!

Extensive studies show that a percentage of the time researchers waste money taking a poll about almost important stuff.

MY research didn’t cost money. MY studies have shown that out of 100 people ALL 100 people MATTER.

100 people usually inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. 100 people have internal organs that work pretty much the way they should. Regardless of the color, shape, hair, and the rest of the outside of their bodies 100% of their insides can feel hurt and pain and they have opinions and preferences.

My studies show that people are pretty much the most unique but very much the same.

100 people have the same invitation to accept Jesus as their personal Savior. 100 people can be buried with Him under water in baptism and come out of the water a new person. 100 people get the angels singing and partying just for them each time this choice is made. 100 people are the highest of all God’s creations and were made in His image. 100 people matter.

I didn’t have to spend a billion dollars to research this. Look around you. As a writer I recently met online said:

“The person standing in front of you is not just taking up space, she’s been carefully made in God’s own image. This alone makes her worthy of your attention, and your very best words.”
– Kim Hall http://www.givenbreath.com

100 people out of 100 people are 100% valuable. Period.

In case nobody told YOU today… YOU MATTER.

If you or your family member or friends have bodies that work differently than others due to medical or other reasons YOU MATTER. If you think differently than other people think YOU MATTER. If you feel deeper or even if you feel nothing YOU MATTER.

I studied, researched, and asked God above about YOU. And the results of all my research show that YOU MATTER 100%.

I Never Even Said It Out Loud

I was not mean to anyone on purpose. That’s not how my parents raised me. I do not believe it is ever okay to be mean to someone or make fun of them. It’s very hurtful. It can be life ending. (And before you write a thousand word essay about how everyone hurts people, take a breath. I said I am not mean to people on purpose. I didn’t say I’ve never hurt anyone. Everyone has hurt others.)

In high school this girl started stalking me. I don’t know why but a few others joined her in her quest to make my life miserable.  One of the girls even used to be a friend of mine.

I remember this girl wanted to fight me because her boyfriend made her THINK he liked me.  I was pretty naive.  He was just talking to me.  He leaned over me with one arm resting against the wall in the downstairs hallway at school.  I saw him look at this girl, THIS girl who I did not know yet, this girl who was about to make my life really NOT fun anymore.  I didn’t know what he was doing at that time.  He was making her THINK he liked me.  He did this on purpose.  That’s all it took.  This girl was out for blood.  My blood.

I was scared to go to school every single day. She would follow me at lunch sometimes which was off campus because we didn’t have a cafeteria.

One time the malicious vultures stopped me right in front of my dad’s office. It was on a busy street corner on the main street in town where lots of people could see what was going on. I’m pretty sure she didn’t know my dad worked there.  I did not want my dad to come out.  My world was in chaos and I was about to be killed.  He shouldn’t see that.  It would be ugly.  (Now that I’m a grown up I realize probably nobody in dad’s office even noticed the storm out front.)  She never hit me.  She just said bad words at me while her groupies cheered her on.

One morning I finally made up my mind to just fight her hoping that if I did then she’d leave me alone.

I didn’t tell anyone this.

It was only in my mind.

I never even said it out loud.

That very morning just minutes after I decided to face this fear she called me and apologized.  I didn’t know she knew our phone number.  (There were no cell phones 100 years ago when I was a teenager.)  She said she was so sorry she was acting this way and didn’t know why she was doing it.  She asked me to FORGIVE HER.

I was shocked! All I did was decide within my own heart that I would face this giant all consuming fear and God blessed me.  Just like that.  He moved the mountain.  I didn’t even know she knew my last name.

The stuff you think about?  How you feel about it?  It matters.  God is very much alive.

Single? That’s cool. Window shopping? Probably always. What’s on “The List?”

[Note: This is written EXPECTING that the man is a man of good character and not abusing his daughters in any way. And, yes, I do need to mention this. Also I am a mom of two girls so realize this is written from a mom of two girls. I don’t have sons so I’m not writing from that perspective.]

Our oldest daughter was talking about a boy she thought was cute. I asked her what she liked about him. My husband started asking questions too.

I stopped and listened. I just froze. That was so cool. I wondered what that feeling was. What WAS that? It was BEAUTIFUL. Oh, it’s called LOVE. Our girls FEEL valued because daddy CARES who they hang out with.

Dads SHOULD be involved. Dads need to SAY to a boy, “My daughter is so valuable and I am trusting you. I expect you to treat her like you want your mom or sister to be treated.”

Make that list. If you choose to be married what would you want in a husband? I mean the stuff that really matters.

Here’s a start of a list to inspire you. And you are never too young to make “The List.” (not in any particular order)

1. Honesty and integrity in ALL things.

2. Loves Jesus and is a spiritual leader for your home.

3. Faithful to you and only you as his wife. No pornography. Period.

4. He will have a healthy relationship with your kids.

5. Learns what makes you feel loved on and acts on it.

6. Listens to the Holy Spirit to guide him.

7. Supports you in things you know God is leading you to do.

8. OUR money is just that. OUR money. Not yours and mine. Make the budget together.

9. Wait. Wait for God to show you who your husband is. Don’t just marry anyone you think may work. What God brings together let nobody separate.

10. He does not use credit cards. Period. Stuff is not so urgent that you must buy it now and pay it off for years. You want to live debt free. Debt is slavery. Nobody wants to be a slave.

11. You’re worth waiting for.

12. (Keep thinking. Keep praying. I’ll be praying, too.)

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My daughters gave their list about dating. (This stuff should continue after the wedding.)
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1. Treat me with respect. I am a person and I have feelings.

2. Open the door for me sometimes.

3. Be a gentleman.

4. Listen to me and really hear what I have to say.

5. Do not act like I’m not there when your friends are around.

6. Don’t cheat on me.

7. Be nice to my friends.

8. Be nice to me.

9. Call me every once in a while.

10. Tell me (sweetly) when I’m annoying you.

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I asked my husband for his input when it comes to boys who want to date our daughters.
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Advice to the boys who consider dating my daughters:

1. Get out of your car and ring the doorbell. She is worth it. If you can’t get out of your car to get my daughter and to bring her back and make sure she gets in the house okay then you cannot date my daughter.

2. Before you leave with my daughter and when you bring her home, you will shake my hand and look me in the eyes.

3. Before you can have a relationship with my daughter you have to have a relationship with God.

4. You need a strong work ethic.

5. I want to see how you interact with your mom. Because if you don’t have respect for your mom then you’re not going to have respect for my daughter or me or my wife.

6. Bring her home on time. ALWAYS.

7. Our daughters are valuable and you will treat them as the treasures they are.

8. Whatever you do with my daughter imagine me doing that with you.

You stole pieces of me and left me broken and afraid (Sexual molestation)

I was 9 years old.

You stole pieces of me and left me broken and afraid. I believed the lies that I was nothing. I believed that this was all I was good for. You belong in prison and you know it.

You took my innocence and my confidence. You are the lowest of low people and you have NO excuses for what you did. You say it’s because someone molested you so you molested others? That’s a bunch of lies!

You molested ME and I would NEVER hurt another person this way.

There IS a choice. It can stop with YOU.

I matter. You should have seen that I matter. You should have been someone good in my life. Instead you are someone who wrecked into my life and made me feel like nothing.

If you repent and are baptized and go to Heaven, that’s great. As for this life, you belong in prison. I forgive you because my heart needs to be free to love on other people and help them heal. I forgive you because God says to. I forgive you because you are so broken that you don’t even realize what you’ve done to so many people. I feel sorry for you.

You made me afraid for so many years. I thought you would come after me. You don’t even know that part. All those years I spent afraid that you would come after me, I now realize you were thinking nothing about me AND you were still molesting other kids and sleeping with anyone of “legal” age who would have sex with you. The damage you did was still happening and you just lived care free.

You are nothing but a coward. You will answer to God FOR EVERY THOUGHT you had about me and you will also answer just the same for all the other kids you molested. Yes, you have to answer to Him. He’s my Daddy and He is NOT happy about the way you think about me and what you’ve done.

Thank you for inspiring me to write this. I know it will help so many people.

See?

That’s the thing.

God is using the very thing that you used against me to help other people heal. I am NOT afraid anymore. I am very worthwhile and I matter.

And now I will spend the rest of my life telling other people that they matter.

Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now — life for many people.  -Genesis 50:20

I forgive you and, NO, you may NEVER be around my children. I forgive you. I’m not stupid.

Sincerely, Me

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Let me tell you something.

There is NOTHING sexy about a 9 year old little girl. There is NOTHING sexy about a 3 year old or a 15 year old for that matter. Some of those years it’s just called puberty, you piece of trash. A 15 year old child is a child. She may have a body starting to look like a woman but her mind is nowhere near ready for sex or a “relationship.”

People who molest and rape children are lower than bill collector scum. They are NOTHING. God can love them and forgive them and that’s way beyond my understanding, because I do not see HOW He can, but that’s because I’m human and I have only limited understanding.

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POEM – or whatever you want to call it.

Please let me be a kid.

Please let me get to play hide and seek, ride my bike and play on the playground without you looking at me like that. Please let me walk with my friends without worry that you’ll take me from my family or take away my childhood.

Please see that I’m a child of God and know that He’s gonna be really, REALLY mad about what you’re thinking. Please let me be a whole, confident, safe kid and grow to be a person who can help other people in the world find their talents and meet their goals.

Please let me just be a kid.

I only get one opportunity to be a kid and you can help make it a wonderful time or make it the most horrible memory for me.

Please just let me be a kid. Please do not take my pictures. Please do not have wrong intentions toward me. Please don’t bother me.

Please know that if you do anything to me that is against God, you will answer to Him for it. You will stand in God’s presence and He will ask you, “Why?” and you, alone, must tell Him, our Daddy, why you hurt me. I don’t know if He’ll take the excuse that someone touched you so that’s why you can’t control yourself. Please don’t make excuses at all. Please don’t touch me in a way that God would be sad about. Please just let me be healthy and please don’t introduce sex to me when I’m only a child. You don’t have the right to do that. You don’t have the right to hurt me. You don’t have the right to even think the things you are thinking about me.

I can tell. I will tell. If someone isn’t smart enough to help or hear me, then I will tell another grown up and another and another until someone is smart enough to help me get away from you. You do not have the right to make me a dirty, little secret. You do not have the right to take away my innocence.

I’m bigger than you. I’m braver than you. I’m braver because I pray for you now. I pray that you feel loved on enough at home and by God to not ever bully or hurt other people.

Please, please just let me be a kid. -Kerri Stites

Be kind ON PURPOSE.

You do not know the stress someone else is under.

Be kind ON PURPOSE. Just be extra kind just in case someone needs it.

The other day I saw a woman be verbally and physically rude to a check out lady at the grocery store just because the equipment was not working at the self check out. There were other checkers open. There was nothing this worker could do to fix the equipment that second. She sweetly apologized to the rude lady. After the rude woman left and took her poisonous attitude with her I walked over to the check out lady and said, “Please don’t let that ruin your day.” She said, “I have a cancer screening this afternoon. There are bigger things going on in my life.”

I wish the rude person could have heard that. Maybe it would have changed the way she treated her. Don’t know. But maybe…

You do not know what someone else is going through. Just be kind.