A marriage relationship is important and tough (probably tougher than any other relationship ever in the whole world, in my opinion) and worth the work.
I’m always looking for simple ways to help relationships be as close and as healthy as they can be. My husband and I have just started doing a few new things for our marriage and we’re noticing this one could be helpful in possibly any relationship.
Here is one experiment we’ve just started a couple weeks ago (and we both like it.)
Every morning we have decided to say (out loud to each other) something good we have noticed or something good that we like about each other.
“One thing I like about you is _____________.”
We get too busy in life sometimes, ya know? With work, school, church, kids, housework, bills, finances, volunteering, rough times, health problems, and a billion more things we can forget to nurture important foundations and critical relationships. It’s not that we mean to; but it’s just that life happens and sometimes we let moments go by that need attentionThis is proving to be a great idea.
One thing it does is it helps us THINK about the positive things during each day (and night) because we know we need to tell each other something we like about each other every day.
(And the negative stuff seems to constantly already be lurking around and threatens to remind us of things we DON’T like about each other… Not sure about you but I’ve had ENOUGH of that.)
Another important result of this experiment is that we’re both getting to hear some positive words in the morning. (Yes, it must be genuine and yes it can be something from the past or present. Actually, it could even be something positive we see in the future.) Getting to hear blessings spoken over you is powerful.
Our kids just told us they’d like to be included in this in the evenings. Good stuff can be contagious.
We ALL probably hear WAY too much negative stuff about ourselves (even from our own thoughts) and this is damaging to our brains, hearts, self esteem, and probably in a hundred other ways I’m not thinking to mention.
If you have a great marriage, that’s wonderful! Maybe this can just be icing. (And maybe you’re already doing this.) But many of us have a tougher time in marriage and I know this can help lots of people and wanted to share this idea.
I believe absolutely EVERY person could benefit from hearing something good every day that someone notices about him or her.
Here’s one from me to you today: One thing I like about you (yes, you, the person reading this) is that you’re beginning to realize your value; you’re a very worthwhile person and you matter.
I kind of hate arguing. But it happens. I’m not afraid of confrontation but at the same time it’s just not fun. It’s not a fun way to spend time.
Recently I’ve been reminded of some times of my life that are so pain-filled that it’s hard to sort through thoughts. I know some people understand what I’m saying when I say this.
Sometimes you don’t even realize how hard something will “hit” you until the “hit” actually happens.
When I feel led to write something, I spend time praying to try to not offend people but the truth is this;
~~> No matter what someone says, someone else will probably be offended. <~~
I realize it’s hard to sort through my own thoughts and feelings when something bad happens in life but it’s probably always harder to try to explain everything to another person.
Maybe if we could open our minds and download the memories into other people’s minds then they’d actually be able to understand where we’re coming from, why we’re who we are and more about how we got “here” wherever “here” is (because “here” looks different for every person in the whole world.)
SO many arguments happen because of one word;
In my experience, there are so many times we argue -but at the end of it all- it’s obvious that SO much of this fighting could be avoided if we could just understand each other better. (I’m not talking about marriage but yes, in marriage, FOR SURE!)
There’s this Guy who will never misunderstand you. He KNOWS your heart. He knows your motives. He sees the good in you EVEN when you can’t see it in yourself.
When you talk with Him, He just “gets” it, ya know?
You don’t have to REexplain it all again and again because He’s witnessed everything til now – and actually knows everything about your future also (but it’s still always okay and good to talk through everything with God.)
Sometimes He’s the last one we talk to
WHAT IF we chose Him to be the FIRST one?
~~> What would that even look like in your life if you talked to Him FIRST about everything instead of (or at least before) anyone else? <~~
I know there’s peace and clarity there that just can’t come from anywhere or anyone; not my husband, kids, friends, church, or anyone else.
Maybe we’re not supposed to completely understand each other.
It’s probably a good thing we can’t download memories to each other. I mean, if it was something God wanted this way, He could have easily done it. There must be a good reason He didn’t create us with this ability.
I guess the thing that would help in every situation – no matter what – good or bad – is just that;
It used to make me pretty sad and actually kinda mad when I’d forget something important.
Sometimes I have 116 things going on in my brain at the same time so I write things down SO THAT I won’t forget. But if I forget the list when I leave the house then what? If the paper gets lost then what do I do? What if it accidentally gets thrown away because someone helps clean up? Or what if I use a voice recorder like I did a couple days ago but it didn’t record it somehow. User error? Maybe so.
Something I’ve learned in the past couple years is to give that to God.
“God, You know that really amazing stuff that was on my mind? Well I can’t seem to remember what it was but I know it was pretty great. If You want me to remember it please bring it back to my mind and help it stay there. I give this to You. If You would have me do something with that thought, please show me what that looks like. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
And then I go on with my day.
If He helps me remember, then I will remember. If not, then I let it go and I can know I’ve asked the Master of my life, The Creator of my brain and talents, and He chose not to bring it back to the front of my mind for whatever reason I don’t even need to understand.
Give yourself room to make mistakes and don’t beat yourself up when you forget stuff. He’s got you. Every day and all day. You cannot do this life on your own and He doesn’t expect you to. Trust Him. Talk with Him. He is a very real help even when we are forgetful.
I guess I silently (and without even being aware of it) was dreading the phone call. It was about one of our monthly bills and I’d probably rather do many other things instead although I don’t mind this part of my job too much.
It’s funny to me how God works and when God works – like even in the littlest things – and in times we’re not actively looking.
The call ended with a sweet voice on the other end of the phone telling me some about her life and she’d like to connect online. I spoke about how it’s a little uncomfortable not making my own plans daily while walking in faith.
We agreed the five minute (regular, mundane, common, ordinary) phone call turned out to be a blessing for both of us.
Instead of looking at stuff we have to get done as just another thing, what if we each looked at it as an opportunity for God to shine through us? Sometimes I forget to keep that mindset about every day stuff.
Every encounter can be something important. Keep your eyes (and ears) open.
Thank You, God, for reminding me when I forget. Thank You for faithfully reminding me what this life is all about.
Remember that time when you did that thing you thought you couldn’t do? And remember how you were a little amazed by that? And if you’re honest with yourself, maybe you did it better than you thought you could?
When you think about YOU do you think more about that stuff or the “other” stuff… you know… the times you messed up… again?
The way we think about us in our own heads, about how we messed up, about how often we mess up, is just too much for our spirits sometimes. Be kinder to you.
Would you let someone else talk to you the way YOU talk to you? Would you let someone else talk to your husband, wife, kids, or parents the way you talk to you? Is it kind of… possibly… bullying yourself?
Take a breath and think something nice about you.
It is OKAY and (dare I say) “healthy” to speak and think good things about yourself and your abilities!
Somehow the world has taught us that we can’t be glad about something we’re good at or have learned to do because if we say we’re proud of it, people may think we’re bragging or conceited or whatever.
What if we make it a “good” whatever!
…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. Philippians 4:8
YOU are amazing. Take some time to THINK ABOUT THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU. You know why I know you’re so great? Because Jesus didn’t die for “nobody.” He died for YOU. And if HE thinks you’re worth dying for, then maybe it’s time for you to see that in yourself also.