To the person who keeps searching for love, YOU MATTER.

Warning: Not a pretty story. MANY ministries are not created out of pretty stories. God takes the ashes and MAKES something beautiful from them.

 

I am writing this for you, Very Important Person, because you don’t yet know your worth. You are worth SO MUCH MORE than you can imagine.

You matter green marker and pencil

I think I always knew one day I’d be moved to write this.

This is that day.

I recently heard someone in church mention a girl he knew from childhood who many called Slut.

Immediately I hurt for her, “She’s broken.”

My heart sank hearing grown up people quietly snicker at this mention of a girl who was trapped in this kind of prison.

DON’T THEY KNOW she was held captive there?

DIDN’T THEY KNOW that laughing about her is part of the problem?

DON’T THEY KNOW their gossip etches their own names on the links in the chains that keep her locked up?

I know this prison.

I lived there.

I remember when I was a little girl and I loved life. I climbed way up in the apple trees in my front yard and ate apples right off the trees.

Honeysuckle grew on a nearby fence. I loved that!

I liked playing, and school, and family, and life was fun.

Then it wasn’t.

When I was nine years old I was sexually molested by someone.

I will write more as God leads me to write. This is its own story and would take too many words for today.

This happened from age 9 to age 15.

At age 15 I was raped at church camp.

I didn’t DARE tell ANYbody for years!

After all, I had snuck out to meet this boy at night (but I had NO intentions of more than kissing.)

And I liked him and I thought he liked me and the thought that he wanted to talk to me and maybe kiss a while made my heart beat a little quicker!

Little did I know that this was part of satan’s plan to take me down.

I did not understand at the time that the enemy was afraid of what I could become in Jesus Christ and I did not understand yet that God’s plan of redemption would use this part of my story years later for His Glory.

I did not tell.

I did not even cry.

Who would care about me?

Who would believe me anyway?

Why did I even think he’d want to meet me to talk a while? Silly girl.

Scarlet A? The letter A may as well have been tattooed all over my body.

When I was 15 a boy older than I was invited me to his house for lunch.

Only …his intentions were NOT to have lunch at all.

Also when I was 15 the town pedophile (or rather, one of them) found me.

I must have had a magnet or target or something.

With the enemy searching for someone to devour, it is very likely truth that there was some kind of invisible target on me for me to have found all the trouble I did

or, rather,

for it to have found me.

Then…

Someone at school told me that my name was written on the boys’ bathroom wall.

I was 16.

The shock and shame that came with this discovery was something that I did not know how to process.

I guess I could have looked at the bright side; that it said I was GOOD at something. At least the writing was positive in SOME way.

My name was written on the boys bathroom wall

The affection and acceptance I was desperately searching for had me tangled in depravity of sin for years because the enemy’s OH, SO carefully crafted trick to strip my belief that I was ANYthing worthwhile was working.

That enemy is clever.

 

I kept searching for “love.”

Boys were generous to offer lots of “comfort.”

After all,

the world, tv and movies, commercials, books, and most of life taught me that it wasn’t really a big deal to kiss or fool around before marriage as long as you don’t have “sex” sex.

Right?

The world is WRONG.

Keeping the marriage bed pure means EVEN BEFORE marriage to keep the marriage bed pure. I cannot IMAGINE what a blessing I would have received if I’d saved all my kisses and all my desire for my husband. And if someone stole something or if we mess up that does NOT mean to KEEP messing up.

 

OH, if I’d only known my value!

But I did not.

I was the butt of satan’s cruel joke.

And people laughed.

 

A friend told me about my name on the boys’ bathroom wall.

Jeff Fisher was my hero that day and I will always remember.

He did what nobody else would do.

He opened the bathroom door

And he let me witness as he ERASED MY NAME off that wall.

 

In that moment

even though he wasn’t aware of how my life had headed this way,

and of course neither of us could know what would happen in the years to come,

he showed me I was worth something.

 

In THAT moment

And

ONLY

for

a

moment

I

believed

I

could

be

worth

something.

 

Years after that I was raped 3 more times while attending a Christian college. (Quick note: Christian colleges are great! People are the people no matter where we go. Jesus is perfect. People are not.)

 

That Last Time.

One boy I’d been out with before called me and asked if I’d like to go see a movie.

I smiled! Aww! That’s so sweet.

“Sure! I’d love to go see a movie.”

He likes me?! I’m so excited!

 

The thing is…

he had NO intention of ever taking me to a movie.

 

As he raped me in his car,

I didn’t scream.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything.

Rivers of tears silently poured down my cheeks.

And I believed

Finally

Without a doubt

That I was

absolutely nothing.

 

I clearly remember lying there in that moment thinking through these words.

 

“This… is all I’m good for?”

.

“…Oh…”

.

“…Okay.”

.

I breathed out as the tears kept falling.

.

“I’m …Nothing.”

 

Definition of nothing

  1. Not anything : no thing
  2. Someone or something of no interest, value, or importance
  3. Me

 

 

I’m certain that if anyone could see that moment in time, they would witness satan dancing on my broken spirit, certain that he’d won, and confident in the belief that his work to bury me forever was complete.

But God says,

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 5:3

 

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. John 10:10a

But that old devil forgot the next part of this verse!

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10b

My God is bigger.

My God is stronger.

My God picked me up and gave me a firm place to stand.

He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit,out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, Psalm 40:1b-3a

 

Just over 2 years ago God gave me the gift of my confidence back.

I did not even know it was missing.

But the very moment He gave it back I realized it had been stolen with my innocence when I was a little girl of 9 years old.

I did not know to pray for it to be restored because I did not know it had been missing.

I didn’t even know a person could live without something like that.

God restores what has been stolen.

 

I didn’t know I mattered.

And now, I know the truth.

I don’t have to search anymore for affection or acceptance here in this broken world.

(And neither do YOU.)

My GOD IS ENOUGH.

 

And THAT’S why I’m here.

That’s why I’m online.

That’s why you’re reading this.

It’s my purpose.

I will spend the rest of my life telling people they matter.

 

You matter letter beads

 

When satan tries to tell you that you’re nothing…

Remember that Jesus did not defeat death for Nothing!

Jesus defeated death for YOU and YOU are VERY SOMETHING.

You matter post it note

 

Think about it this way.

If you didn’t matter so much, WHY would the enemy work so hard to try to keep you down?

You matter blue chalk

 

My life’s verse

Genesis 50:20

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

You matter. 2

My whole purpose in life breaks down into two words.

You matter.

You matter stamp letters

All the years searching in a thousand ways to find what ONLY God can provide for me has brought me to these two words.

You matter.

You matter small letters

ONLY God can fulfil the emptiness in our broken hearts.

You matter purple crayon

ONLY God can give love like we all desperately crave.

You matter curly pink

How ever I finally learned this and if my life’s story even only helps ONE person begin to heal and to realize his or her worth, it was worth it to help set another free (even when others don’t get it or laugh.)

For YOU, it’s worth it.

Because you matter.

You matter steampunk 2

 

[Of course there are a hundred other moments that taught me I was nothing and I didn’t mention them all here. That would take WAY too many words.

Each one alone may not have been so devastating.

But all together,

They buried me for about 35 years.

While you may THINK whatever you say or do in a moment won’t hurt someone…

I am living proof that all the moments add up and it IS VERY MUCH a big deal. It was enough to keep me hidden for years. And that’s what the enemy wants; to shut us up.

YOU may not realize it but YOU may be the ONLY person who speaks life into someone all year.

YOUR WORDS MATTER.

GOD SPOKE and created everything. (He could have done this any way He wanted to but He spoke and things happened. That is pretty interesting.)

Your words have power to tear down or to heal.

You can either be part of the problem and keep someone locked in the chains or you can help heal and tell her she matters.

Can’t tell her in person for whatever reason?

That’s okay. Pray for her. GOD is ultimately The One she needs the most anyway; not you (or me) and not boys. Pray for God to reveal His purpose for her and His love for her.

This broken world could use a whole lot more praying and praises

And a WHOLE lot less gossip.]

You matter phone calendar reminder

 

 

[Parent Note:

If you’re not talking with your kids, age appropriately and as-a-matter-of-fact-ly and without sounding embarrassed (much like you’re teaching them how to cook or how to do math or read) SOMEONE ELSE WILL. And they may not teach the beautiful truth about how God made sex to be very good.

Let them know it’s okay to ask questions about ANYTHING.

PLEASE be a safe place for healthy answers with no sarcasm.

Please?]

 

YOU MATTER big letters Jo Ann Fabrics

 

[Note to people who say pornography is okay:

Lots of people don’t know their value.

If you’re viewing pornography then you clearly do not value people in the pictures as God intended.

And very likely you do not know your own worth, either.

The world has made it a profession to take what God made to be good and mess it up and then pass it off as no big deal to anyone who will buy into the lies.

The world has taken sex which God made to be beautiful and VERY good and twisted it and corrupted it into pornography.

And pornography has NO place in anyone’s world.

Ever.

NOTHING you can say will change my mind.

Pornography is NOT love.

Pornography is slavery.

From the “actors” to the producers to the consumers, PORNOGRAPHY is a VERY REAL HELL on Earth and EVERY view supports this prison, whether in print, video, or any other way.

Be careful, little eyes, what you see, for The Father up above is looking down IN LOVE.

TALK to HIM. He’s listening and He breaks chains that keep us from really living.

OH how God LOVES YOU!]

You matter pink and brown

 

 

[Note to Dads:

OH, DADS!

PLEASE hear me.

What you say matters SO much.

What you DON’T say matters SO much.

If you are not giving your daughter healthy, good kind of love that God intended for a father to bless a daughter with, there are LOTS OF BOYS who are GLAD to offer her anything in the name of affection.

If she already knows her worth in God and with you, Dad, she won’t have any need to accept this from the boys.]

You matter.

 

[Note:

-I wrote this from my life’s view. I do know that guys are molested and raped also and I pray God gives them courage to speak out and to heal also.

-Some people told me that I SHOULD hate sex now because of what has happened in my life. What kind of messed up thinking is THAT?!  WHY in the world would I want to give the enemy ANY more moments of my time by hating something that God designed to be VERY good? Sex is fun and wonderful when experienced the way God designed it.

-I also know some families do not include Dad for many different reasons. While that is unfortunate in my opinion, there are many father figures who are God-fearing, God-loving men who (may not ever fill Dad’s shoes but) can help heal a girl’s heart.

-And I also know that some dads are not healthy and cannot seem to give love the way God intended. This is most unfortunate. I pray for you now and some day I pray you know how much you matter.

-If you’re mad that I believe dads have so much influence, that’s okay. It’s okay for people to have different opinions. God made man the head of the house. It’s HIS design. Not mine. And He’s big enough for you to question Him about it. Lots of things God designed get messed up when we try to change what He made and make it how we think we want it to be. God made us for different purposes but our souls are equally valuable. Just ask Jesus.

-And YES it’s also VERY important what moms say AND what they don’t say.

-People who are looking for an argument and want to hate on me for writing, God has such a bigger purpose in this life for you. I pray He leads you to find it. And also, you matter.]

 

You matter etched

 

[MOST IMPORTANT NOTE:

If you have been molested or raped,

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.]

 

You matter brown cream

 

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Today is moving day and I am not afraid.

(Check out what we’ve shared since June here

https://www.facebook.com/itisallaboutfaithblog )

 

Today (tonight) we begin a drive from Texas to Alaska to open and care for a homeless teen center.

God is not in a hurry and He’s been patient with me as I finally accepted what He’s doing with our family.  I will praise Him.

HE has made me brave.

For probably 35 years I was afraid and hid my talents because of childhood sexual abuse and being raped 4 times later in life.

Ministry is NOT a pretty thing because it involves real life and in real life we have been given free will and when we have free will, we make a lot of not so great choices and the choices we make every day affect others around us.  I forgive the people who have hurt me and God is using that pain and turning it into something altogether beautiful and has given me a passion for people and to be able to see deeper than the surface.

Genesis 50:20 is my life verse.  It says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

 

YOU matter.

Period.

Just because God made you, you matter.

 

Tonight we move out of a house we’ve lived in for eight years ~ and I am not afraid.

THIS is God working in me and not me by myself.  There is a peace covering my family that can ONLY come from Him.

We don’t know what The Home Place looks like yet (or if that’s the name for certain) but we DO know that God is doing this and so far it’s like He’s shown us that no church or organization will have its name on this work.  It’s God’s work and His Name is to be praised for all of it.

At first we were a little sad when church after church turned us down saying they want no part of this but very soon God showed me that it is okay and He will keep providing through individuals He calls to give.

For The Home Place we are praying God provides jobs for each person He leads to us so that people may earn money to make a living while God reveals each person’s talents He’s given.  We will love on people and celebrate people who may not have felt much like celebrating lately.  We will be Jesus’ Hands and Feet to hurting people.  We will give people a safe place to stay for a while, teach interview and job skills, and just live life with them, reminding them Jesus is very real and God moved mountains to move our family from Texas to Alaska in 2015.

I didn’t choose this ministry.  God revealed this to us over time.  When you follow Him, He directs your steps.  This stuff is real.  And hard.  And fun.  And exciting.  And exhausting.  And He provides all the tools needed to do the job He’s prepared in advance for us to do.

First, I needed my confidence back because mine had been stolen along with my innocence when I was a little girl.

I did not know to even ASK Him to restore what had been stolen because I did not know it was missing.   I just lived life without my confidence.

ONLY God can give the gift of confidence.

Then, He pushed me online.

Online is a strange place where people seem to think that they can hide behind a screen and mock and be unkind in more ways than imaginable.  But it’s a lie.  We have ONE life and we are to find this life in Jesus Christ.  The things people do and say to others and about others matters.  Always.

I can’t even begin to list the ways spiritual warfare happens when we follow Jesus.  It’s exhausting and the Bible talks about Christians being persecuted.  It’s been interesting to see that many other Christians have been the ones doing the persecuting.  I would never have believed it if you’d have told me this would happen.

When you tell someone you’re feeling called by God to do a job, MANY begin to tell you how “You’re doing it wrong.”

But the truth God revealed to me is that if we were ALL doing the jobs He’s planned in advance for us to do, then there would be NO time to hate on each other.  (Heaven is gonna be so wonderful!)

We didn’t know for a year and a half if He was moving us by airplane or ground and this past April He provided a truck (which made us know He would provide a camper to pull behind it.)

The very day after He provided this truck, my pinky toe went numb, my ear started to have trouble hearing and both eyes began to have more vision trouble.

God sent a prayer warrior to my house to pray with me.  She said something that blew my mind and I had not thought of yet, “No, satan, will NOT stop this woman’s steps!”

It had not occurred to me that the spiritual warfare was beginning to take on a physical form.

After she prayed over me I could see, hear, and walk easier again.  Then God sent another friend to pray the very next day.

He is just so good.

We will keep walking in faith as God keeps opening doors.

He will keep providing all the tools we need to do the job He’s calling us to do and right now the main tool needed is money.  We know He will provide through His people.

If you feel called to help with this ministry He’s doing with our family, please check out this donation site.  Contact email for donations is itisallaboutfaithdonate@gmail.com

What little we offer to God matters. He can do MORE than enough with our little offering. We just have to bring it to Him and ask Him to bless it.

Not sure how much is enough to give?  Check out John 6:5-13 and see what He did with a few loaves of bread and fish.

Donate Button

 

“Unplanned Pregnancy” is not in God’s vocabulary.

Psalm 139:13  For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Parenthood is a Calling.

Some people turn it down.

Some people turn it down many times. Please stop.

God can and does forgive. He’s very good at it. Talk to Him. He’s listening right now. He takes all the broken pieces of our lives and creates something altogether beautiful. It’s what He does. Stop hiding and start living again. HE ADORES YOU. You cannot confess ANYTHING that would make Him love you less.

I was moved to write this because I’ve seen how abortion does more than kill ONE life. It ALWAYS kills more than one life. Being alive but walking through life ~> dead <~ is not living how God intended us to live. Life is a gift from God. EVERY life is a gift from God. God wants every person to have an exuberant life.

John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

We have a desire to be with God. Because of this, when we do something sinful, it makes us want to hide just like Adam and Eve hid in the Garden of Eden.

But somebody needs YOU. Get up. Get up. Please get up.

Somebody else may be going through the very same decisions and thoughts you went through and you may be the very right person God wants to use to help them. Ask Him for courage. He’s got you. He’ll show you when to share your story.

When we talk about stuff that’s happened in our lives sometimes people get defensive.

WHY?

It’s NOT about YOU. Well, wait. Kind of, it IS about you because satan is AFRAID of what YOU can become. But it’s NOT about you because sin is designed to trick you, steal from you, and keep you isolated; sometimes just isolated in your own mind because you never talk about things you need to talk about so that you can be free. (And this applies in ALL areas of our lives; not just about abortion.)

Make NO mistake.

Holding secrets makes you grouchy. (Any secrets. Again, this applies to WAY more than abortion.)

Like, every day grouchy and even if people don’t know WHY you’re grouchy they still sense something is very broken. We CRAVE freedom from the prisons we get trapped in. When we’re stuck in hell on Earth, we don’t have peace.

Please hear this now.

It’s about what satan did TO YOU. That enemy is so very clever and custom designs traps to enslave us FOREVER. Whether you chose to kill your baby or someone talked you into it, it’s a lie and is not “an easy way out” AT ALL. And sometimes people take a sin and never bring it to light SO THAT it can be forgiven and redeemed. There is freedom in confession. There is freedom when the chains that hold us are broken by Jesus’ Blood.

Yes. We have choices we make every day and we are to be held accountable for everything; even the words we speak. BUT what satan wants, and unfortunately many times he gets, is to knock us down and KEEP US DOWN.

Sometimes people need to find a better way to talk with others about sin and I find it’s best to confess our sins to someone else before trying to help someone else with theirs. That whole take the plank out of our own eyes before pointing out the splinter in someone else’s… Yeah THAT one.

BE KIND when dealing with other humans or they tend to shut you out!

Matthew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

When you feel loved by someone and have a relationship with them it’s easier to be heard and we MUST speak in love and not in condemnation to each other.

When we talk about this sin specifically, people often say, “You’re making me feel guilty.” (Actually I can’t MAKE you feel ANY way. But I get what this is saying.)

Good.

Guilt is a GOOD thing. Guilt shows your conscience is working and the Holy Spirit is tugging at your heart to bring you back where you belong.

Guilt is not bad.

ABSENCE of guilt is bad.

God loves you so very much. He forgives. He saw that we would mess up in this life and He loves us SO MUCH that He sent His ONLY Son to redeem us and bring us back to Him.

Now, please, YOU forgive you and ask Him what He wants you to do with your life because He had a plan for you when He knit YOU together in YOUR mother’s womb.

READ THIS AGAIN: God already loves you so very much. He ALWAYS has. Talk to Him.

I’m very sorry when well-meaning people take murder and make it into a sin worse than other sins. Sometimes people may not articulate well that we are all sinners.

ALL sins nailed Jesus to the Cross. We EACH held a hammer.

And Jesus didn’t set us free so that we can keep doing the same sins over and over again. He paid the Ultimate Price SO THAT we can be free from the sins that try to keep us from living.

God takes our broken stuff and makes it into a ministry. Ask Him what He will do with you. He has a plan for YOU and when He “knitted you together” He knitted His plans for you into you and many times, the very thing that held us down is the VERY thing that God uses to pick us up and help others.

 

Hey, you. Please get up. This broken world needs you.

I have about 2 hundred cousins. Not really. But when I was a kid it seemed that way.

One time when I was a little girl, I was so excited that we were going to visit my very favorite cousin’s house. His name is the same as mine; only he spells it C-a-r-e-y.

They had a playhouse in the back yard that was used for storage mostly but that was okay because that made it be a better haunted house. It was also a castle, a fortress, or whatever you wanted it to be. It was 2 stories tall and you could climb stairs inside to the top where there was a little wooden hatch door and sort of a balcony place and you could stand at the top of the world and daydream. It was a beautiful little house.

They also had a swingset. I loved playing there, especially with my favorite cousin, Carey.

Only THIS visit was different.

On this visit; this was the moment the enemy started telling me I was nothing.

My cousin pushed my sister on the swings. But he wouldn’t push me. Then, as he pushed her, he chanted, “Yay, Jenny!”  “Boo, Kerri.”  “Yay, Jenny!”  “Boo, Kerri.”

My little heart broke.

Didn’t he know he was my favorite cousin – my favorite person – in the whole world? Why would he do this?

That was the first time I remember someone (someone I admired) being blatantly unkind to me. It was quite a shock to my little system.

He was probably trying to be silly or tease me but it hurt like I’ll never forget.

“Joking” should be fun for all involved; if not, then it changes from “joking” to “bullying.” (Don’t worry. I asked Carey for his permission to share this. I’m not trying to disrespect him or pay him back. I love him still. He was just someone the enemy used to start my life on the path to believe I was nothing.)

(And then satan worked many more years until I fully believed I was absolutely 100% nothing. There is too much to write in one story -I’ll share more as God leads me to- but I know the very moment satan had fully tricked me into believing his lies. I was being raped. I was 22 and I remember believing right then, “This is all I’m for? I am nothing.” THE ENEMY WAS WRONG. But he’s very clever in his tricks and how he custom-designs them for each person.)

I know the “Boo, Kerri,” time was before I was 9 years old. Not because I wrote down the date but because I remember well what happened later.

When I was 9 years old, I was sexually molested by an uncle who married into the family. That lasted 7 years.

I don’t know why I didn’t tell. Maybe I thought nobody would believe me. I do remember feeling like I was special in some way. Special is FAR from the truth when it comes to sexual molestation. There is NOTHING special about it. It is SICK. Touching any child in a sexual way is purely and completely sick.

I know there are many others who didn’t tell when stuff like this happened to them – and I’m guessing there are probably as many reasons people don’t tell as there are people it has happened to. Every situation is unique and I pray every person finds healing.

At that time, (and for many years) I thought just my innocence was stolen. I was wrong.

He stole my confidence, too.

The only reason I realized it had been stolen was because God just gave me my confidence back about a year ago. I’m now 46.

God gave me my confidence back and then He pushed me out of my comfort zone and showed me He has a job for me to do. He moved me into the terrifying wide space of the internet so that I would be a voice to tell you that YOU are VERY worthwhile.

You are very important and YOU MATTER. I will spend the rest of my life telling you that you matter. Because you DO.

Somebody – or maybe somebodies – told you or treated you like you were nothing. They were wrong.

Whatever happened to you matters. How you feel about it matters. And what you do with it next matters, too.

You are very important. Why would satan work so hard to make you believe his lies if God didn’t have important things for you to do in this life?

Why would satan waste his time on you if you truly were “nothing?”

The answer is, he wouldn’t.

You must be quite a threat to that old devil for him to spend so long convincing you to lie down and shut up.

This is the year you need to get up.  2015.

Please get up?

~~> People need to hear your story so they know they’re not alone in theirs. <~~

You can help people find healing just by sharing your story. You do not have to do this alone. God will nudge you to share your story when you need to. You’ll know when and who needs to hear it.

Please ask God what He wants you to do today ~ every day. He has SUCH great plans for your life. I believe this about you. Now, it’s time for you to believe this about you.

God can restore what was stolen.

My confidence was stolen along with my innocence and I lived without it for about 35 years. If God can give me my confidence back, I know He can do miracles in your life, too. Ask Him.

Please get up. This broken world needs you.

~
Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Please Stop Shaming People and Start Helping People

It’s a trap. Sin is a trap. Make no mistake; the enemy is very clever. The sins that trap you are tailored just for you. It’s what satan does.

We get it. We know you didn’t realize what you were getting into when you started down this road. If you had known how it would bury you like this, you wouldn’t have chosen it. I believe that’s the truth.

Now, you may have “felt” like you were not worth enough NOT to head down this path.

THAT couldn’t be further from the truth. You are VERY worthwhile.

That’s another way that satan tricks people. That old devil tricks people into believing they don’t deserve to enjoy this life in healthy ways. Some people have told me they went back to something that wasn’t good for them BECAUSE they felt they deserved less. That breaks my heart.

YOU ARE VERY WORTHWHILE. (You don’t have to take my word for it. Jesus says so. He died FOR YOU.)

Pornography, for example, is a trap and the very nature of its design is to hook you and hold you, deaden your senses to beautiful sex the way God designed it, and keep you afraid to speak.

It is OKAY to ask for help. It is NOT weak. It actually takes courage to ask for help. <~~~ Think about that.

It may take talking with several people about a problem before you find someone who realizes we are not strong enough on our own to help others. We can help others BECAUSE of Jesus.

Personal story: When I was a little girl, someone molested me for years. Why didn’t I tell? I think I felt special. But he was treating me anything BUT special. It was ugly. And wrong. Now, some would argue that it’s not “fair” or “Christian” that I won’t let my children be around this person because we are called to forgive. I do forgive. But to let my children be around him would be unwise and would not be using the sense God gave me.  Because this was a crime against a child, I believe it would be bad idea.

I tell you a moment of my story to include that there ARE consequences to sin and that’s life in this broken world. Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean being unwise. God gives us senses for a reason.

I’m frustrated when well-meaning Christians shame someone by saying, “Well you should have known better. Too bad you messed up so badly. You’re going to hell.”

No. That’s NOT okay. And if you’re wondering if I’m talking to Christians, I am. I am especially talking to Christians. The world is looking to US to make a difference and to give them hope. Please do it. Speak life; not death.

What if, instead of shaming, we said, “Yes. That was wrong. I’m very sorry that happened in your life but God uses EVERYTHING. This time was NOT wasted. I expect more from you now. I know you can overcome this because Jesus is real and prayer works.  I will be praying over your life. You pray about it, too. God will use this part of your life to help someone else.”

It’s time to help pick each other up and stop shaming each other when we mess up.

We KNOW what we’re doing is wrong or else we wouldn’t feel the desire to HIDE it. Just like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, they knew something they did was wrong and they hid.

God knows what you did. AND HE STILL LOVES YOU.

This is where repentance comes in and it very much matters.

The world is crying out for help.

Please, PLEASE stop shaming people and start helping.

Please stop gossiping and start loving.

EVERYBODY sins.

I am NO more perfect than YOU are. Zero percent more perfect.

~~~> YOU are zero percent more perfect that someone with different sins than yours. <~~~

EVERYBODY needs Jesus. When we ACT like we can “do” this life on our own we are not giving thanks or recognizing what Jesus’ sacrifice was even for; to redeem us.

He doesn’t call us to fight these battles on our own. We do NOT have to fight alone.

You don’t have to wonder if someone is already praying over you. I am.

God, please touch the life of this reader in ways he or she sees is You and Your Love. Please give the Peace that ONLY You can give. Please send very real help in times of trouble when satan is up to his old – or new – tricks. Thank you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. – Ephesians 6:12

 

Those Hypocrites At Church

Church people mess up. Christians mess up. We mess up JUST LIKE anyone else. Being a Christian does not make someone perfect.

I’m not even sure why anyone ever started thinking that way.

If we were perfect, then there wouldn’t be any need for Jesus’ Blood to cover us or for Him to have died for us.

Jesus is The One who is perfect; not Christians.

People are people.

People sometimes say, “Well, I don’t go to church because there are hypocrites at church.”

Yes. There are.

AND there are hypocrites at the grocery store, school, the gym, the office, the bar, and everywhere else you go.

The enemy WANTS you to give up on church and the whole idea of “church.”

You still go to these other places even though there are hypocrites there.

So please, please don’t let a church building be THE one place you stop going because of this.

YOU may have something to share with people that nobody else has shared.

YOUR presence in a church building could be the VERY thing in which satan is MOST afraid! He’s the great deceiver. If you don’t think this could be true, then why would he work so hard to keep you out?

 

If It Wasn’t For The X-Rays

A long time ago I was broken; on the inside. A teen driver accidentally drove through a stoplight and hit the side of the car crushing my side.

I remember thinking, “If I could just get this seatbelt off then I could get out of the car and I’ll be okay.”

But I was not okay.

I kept losing consciousness. I could barely breathe. The paramedics had to cut the car and lift me out.

The x-rays showed that my shoulder was crushed, collar bone had been broken, lung had collapsed, and liver was split open.

There was not one scratch on the outside of me.

If it wasn’t for the x-rays showing the truth then nobody would have been able to see the brokenness inside my body.

~
If we could see inside someone’s heart or life we’d see the broken pieces desperately needing to heal.

Stuff happened. Life has taught us to be a little less trusting, a little more defensive, and a little skeptical about others’ intentions.

Sometimes we’ve lost consciousness – and we don’t even know it. We THINK we’re okay – but we’re really not.

It’s okay to NOT be okay for a while. Life can sometimes pull the rug out from underneath our feet, leaving us in a pile of brokenness on the ground just struggling for the next breath.

We talk about stuff. We complain about stuff. We think about stuff. MORE THAN THIS we need to take it to God and PRAY about stuff.

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. It’s what he does. And he’s good at it. That old devil wants to crush you until you forget what breathing is.

God restores what was stolen and broken. It’s what He does. ASK Him.

When it’s hard to breathe, remember God is the One Who gave you breath. He has x-ray vision and He can see everything that’s broken.

I heard a well-meaning Christian man say we need to clean ourselves up before we come before God in prayer. But God says otherwise. He says to bring Him all your broken pieces just as you are. He is The Healer. He is always there just waiting for you to ask for His help.

Grace

Please stop being so offended when someone thinks differently than you do?

God makes things good.

The enemy tries to take good things and make them bad and destroy them.

God made us each different.

On purpose.

And this is how He decided to create us. He could have done things ANY way He wanted to, right? And He did it this way. So being different is okay. Having different opinions is okay.

It’s just one more thing satan tries to use to separate us from each other; to make us huff and puff and “unfriend” each other in person and online. The very differences we should appreciate about each other are the very things satan is using to create havoc.

Opinion.

Belief.

Choice.

Individuality.

Differences.

God made you different from anyone else in the world for a reason and His plans for your life don’t exactly match anyone else’s purpose.

AND THAT’S OKAY.

Yet as is his nature, satan sees something good and does anything he can to make it bad. In this case he has grabbed onto the fact that we are each made different on purpose and given it a name. The name that fits right now is “Offended.” Oh my word are people offended!! SO easily! It makes me sad!

“I like cheese. So therefore YOU need to like cheese or else I won’t be friends with you. There! I’m not going to play with you anymore.”

Stop it!

Please stop it?!

Don’t you see what’s happening? That old devil is up to his tricks just like he always does trying to destroy sex, family, marriage, service, and just everything!

The world is in chaos and confusion. Literally.

Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. He didn’t say there is some way or find the way.

He said HE IS THE WAY.

Keep your eyes on Him and don’t look away.

If you’re not sure how to find Him, ASK Him how to do this. “Jesus, how do I find You?” Just say it! Read the Bible. If you don’t have a Bible, buy one. If you can’t afford one, ask a friend to borrow his until you can get one. Ask church for one. If the church you ask says, “No,” then ask another church!

And it is okay with me if you don’t like cheese. I will still love you. I will still talk to you. I will still care about you.

Please, PLEASE find some grace and love for the people in your life!

Yes. We are praying for and expecting a miracle.

Please share this story.

I didn’t even have my pictures online.

That was not by accident.  I was hiding.

That story is for another time although there is a letter ABOUT and TO a child molester somewhere in my blog called “You stole pieces of me and left me broken and afraid.” (December 2, 2013)

That was just the beginning of me believing satan’s lies that I was worth nothing and pretty much only good for sex.

(More of that story later.)

We’re living by faith right now.

Every day I ask God what He wants me to do “today.”

He has moved me way out of my comfort zone by being online on Facebook, Twitter, a blog, and a Facebook page for the blog.  Anyone who knew me before God moved me online knows that I was the biggest NOT fan of social media.  God moved me online to find support (prayer warriors, financial, connections, etc.) for this move to Alaska.

God was tugging at my heart just about 3 years ago telling me we were going to be moving.  I was totally NOT wanting to hear that because I loved the church we were going to.  I even told one of the elders there that I could never move because I loved that church too much.

Some people who are VERY gossipy started talking about our family and about stuff they wouldn’t even know at all if we hadn’t been open and honest about our lives and asked for prayers about it in the first place.

The rumors got so bad we were not able to worship there anymore.  We had to find another church.

God’s been leading us and I know (NOW) that I HAD to give up THAT church because it was a reason I did not want to listen to God telling us we were going to move.  (So you know that verse 1st Thessalonians 5:18?  Well God’s teaching me that one REALLY well.)

So over the past 2 years we’ve been on a journey of giving up and not even really on purpose.

We gave up TV (no more satellite or anything and our kids are totally in agreement with this),

my husband and I both stopped smoking (I read a book.  Allen Carr The Easy Way To Stop Smoking.  One of THE best books EVER),

I cut my hair (an ex boyfriend used to tell me how ugly I was when my hair was short or in a ponytail so this was a really big deal to me.  Turns out I’ve gotten MORE compliments on my short hair than I ever did when it was long),

my favorite car EVER was totaled when it was barely bumped in a parking lot by a guy who was texting and not watching where he was going (I cried over metal. That one’s frustrating. It’s just a car. But I’ll admit I cried over it.  Silly beat up old 1996 Nissan.  I miss that car),

and I let go of my worry over money and we started giving our first of paychecks (and also whenever and wherever God leads us to give more).

Oh and I gave my kids over to God trusting Him that He will take care of them.  I’d never done that before.  Though I’ve heard of parents dedicating their children to the Lord, I was too afraid to speak that.  But now I did.

BIG 2 years.  NOW we believe WHERE we’ll be moving is Wasilla, Alaska.  (Never been to Alaska.  And don’t have a house yet.  But God is very big and I’m not worried.)

We know WHAT we’ll be doing is starting and running a teen homeless kinda place.  (Never done this before but our past sure will come in helpful and it makes sense that this would be just the thing God would lead us to do.  My husband and I talked about this before we got married.  We both knew we’d be working with teens at a teenage hang out kinda place but didn’t know how, where, or when

~until now.)

And we know WHEN looks like April 1st.  (Didn’t get to move then but we know God’s timing is the right timing for everything.  Prayers please?)

We do not know HOW He’s moving us yet because we cannot do this God-sized job on our own.  (Yes.  We are praying for and expecting a miracle.)

So we’re listening and following as the Holy Spirit leads us.

We’re on a Walk of Faith.  (Never been on one of those.  That name just fits what’s going on so now we have a name for it.)

Stick around and see what God can do with me.  I believed satan’s lies for over 35 years that I was worth nothing.  I was nobody.  That old devil was wrong.  I am somebody and God has shown me that because I was just not able to see it for myself.

Now I will spend the rest of my life as long as God gives me breath telling YOU that YOU are somebody, too (in case nobody tells you that.)  You should get to hear it.  Because it’s true.

We are a close family who works, plays, and prays together.  Whatever happens, we will praise Him.  We appreciate any prayers and support of any kind.

What YOU can do:  Please spread the word for us?  Share this?

https://www.facebook.com/itisallaboutfaithblog

https://itisallaboutfaithblog.wordpress.com/

https://twitter.com/GodMakeMeEnough

Thank you and God bless your life so big that you cannot help but notice Him.

Okay back to packing.

If you didn’t matter and if you were not THIS important why would the enemy take this much time and effort trying to keep you down?

God is very real.  Not sure yet?  ASK Him to show you His perfect love and power.

And the enemy is also very real.

The enemy is JUST THAT.  THE ENEMY.

You’ve never known an enemy like satan.  That little old devil has studied you to know your very weakest weakness and he will use whatever it takes to knock your feet from under you and steal your breath from your soul.  ALL he wants from you is your TIME.  THAT is ALL he wants from you.  He is stealing your time from you.  He wants to suck away your life from you.

And he’s good at it, too.

The enemy uses ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that will keep you from doing the stuff God is wanting you to do.  Any circumstance and any situation and any person who has hurt you is EXACTLY just the VERY thing that satan will use to try to hold you down so that you cannot physically, emotionally, or spiritually do the very important things God is calling you to do.

There is not an “Oh just get past it already” or a “moving on” or a “let it go” for many circumstances in life.

But there IS an “Okay this is part of my life now so how can God use me and my life to help someone else?”

Sometimes you simply cannot “get over it.”  It’s just not possible.  And if someone told you to “get over it” I’m so very sorry.  That was more than a little insensitive.  It is okay to grieve.  It’s healthy to grieve and there is no time limit or right or wrong way to grieve.

But I have to tell you something.  Do you want to know what I know?  YOU possess WAY more strength inside you than you are even aware of.

Get up beautiful YOU.

Please get up.

Just ONE step today.  Just ONE TINY something.

Just ONE tiny BELIEF toward what God is leading you to do.  He’s got you.  He sees your pain.  He sees your heartache (even the heartache that nobody knows about.)  He understands and if you’ll just trust Him and ASK Him to lead you, your life will make more sense, be more livable, you’ll stand taller, and you will be able to breathe easier.  I know it’s hard.

I know there is even a little comfort in your grief, too, because what is on the other side is the unknown and that can be scary.  There is not a disrespect in letting that grief, with God’s help, lift you to HONOR the person you’re grieving in some way (even if the person you’re grieving is you, yourself.)  God is in the business of turning those very ashes into the most beautiful thing you’ve ever known.

Somebody needs you and the VERY circumstances you have lived through.

You matter SO much.  If you didn’t matter and if you were not THIS important why would the enemy take this much time and effort trying to keep you down?  You have great things to accomplish.  Just ASK God to show you what those things are.  He will show you.

Please, please get up?  Reach up?  Look up?  God’s got you.  This I know to be truth.

Take a breath.
Say a prayer.
Recalculate.
Take a step.

I believe in you.

The world lies. Forties are sexy and fun! There’s no “over the hill” about it.

We’re Married. Friends or Enemies?

What I believe happens is that satan throws stones at us. He throws one at my husband and whispers to him that I did it and throws one at me and tells me that my husband threw it. Then he sits back and watches, hoping what he’s done will cause damage and confusion.

We have power over this. We are given power by God. If we claim God as our Savior we have nothing to fear. Do not be afraid.

I tried to figure out WHY marriage would be this hard when I knew with all my heart that God had brought my husband to me and we were supposed to be together. How come we argued so much? I’ve had other relationships and they weren’t this difficult at all.

That’s when it hit me. Through my tears I realized that satan has done this. We were and are going to do great things for God and somehow we allowed the enemy to get a foothold and a stronghold.

Here’s what God showed me:

We’re sitting. I’m reading a book and he’s watching T.V. and I feel a hard hit to my head. I spin around in anger and say, “Why did you throw that at me?!” My husband, who has also received a rock to the head, fights back, saying, “Me? You threw this at me!” So satan stands back and keeps whispering to us all the negative things about each other and enjoys the confusion he’s created. Then we realize in a sudden moment of clarity what has happened. We drop the rocks, drop to our knees, and pray together. Then, oh my, is satan ever mad!  But we push him out the door together and he shrinks into a tiny puff of nothing.

God didn’t cause the confusion. He didn’t make us argue. We forgot that we love each other unconditionally for a moment…. or actually a few years. We are meant to be together and because we want be used together for God’s will, we are able to refocus and forgive.

Think about this.  The enemy doesn’t have a need to go after people he’s already got.  If you’re having a tough time it may be because you’re doing something right.

 

The Secret of the Enemy

The bank account is negative. For the first time in my life, I have peace anyway (both are rare; the peace I have and the negative account. Though there’s not always much in there when it’s positive…)

I used to lie in bed in the morning and worry. I’d worry over money. I’d cry over money. I’d try to figure out how we can make enough to pay everything AND stay home with our kids because for us, that’s a ministry in itself. We both knew when we got married that we’d give up some stuff and I’d stay home with our kids. For OUR family that is the way it is.

It’s not wrong or right.

Just the way it is for us.

So I’ve worked some years by keeping other people’s kids and several years as a crossing guard for the school district and now also for our photography company God’s allowed us to start.

But every single day I’d worry over money. It never occurred to me HOW much it was a worry until we started to give 10% of our income. And we did that PURELY on faith. We do NOT have EXTRA and honestly it’s not supposed to come from EXTRA anyway. It’s supposed to be your FIRST money. We’ve made a commitment to do this now and though we mess up sometimes, we’re sticking to it for the rest of our lives. Period.

I challenge you to try it for one month. With happiness and obedience. Just TRY it. There is NOTHING like it I’ve ever known. The peace that your heart and mind have. The unexplainable peace. It’s not of this world. You may never go back. This is the beginning of the best times in my whole life, Jack! I can already tell you this and we’ve only done it for a few months.

NOW instead of lying in bed worrying about money every morning, I have changed my habit. Before my feet hit the floor I ask God to show me what He wants me to do today.

Get it? Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Ask God what He wants you to do every day -AND GO DO IT- and everything else will be taken care of.

My friend pointed out something about me not worrying over money anymore. She said that satan tries to hurt us by using stuff he knows will get to us and now he’s not happy that he can’t get to us by using money this way.

If I’m so worried over money, he’s got my attention and I’m not able to focus on the important stuff God is putting in front of me today.

The enemy wants to WASTE your TIME. Because that’s all you have. Time. And the moments of your life are numbered. If satan can waste your time, ESPECIALLY when you don’t even realize he’s stealing from you, he’s done what he set out to do today.

THAT is the secret of the enemy. Now you know. Whatever you’re worrying over today, I’m praying for peace and focus for you right now. You have really important stuff to do. Ask God what that He wants you to do today and then go and do it.

She is Somebody’s Daughter (Pornography)

My marriage was attacked by brokenness.

Women who pose in pornography films and magazines are broken inside. Period. If you could just see the pain inside the heart of the girl in the porn video or magazine, you’d ache for her with a different part of you. You’d want to help her find healing. You’d treat her like the Child of God that she really is. She just doesn’t believe it or know that she really is yet.

She is somebody’s daughter. She is someone’s niece, aunt, sister, mom, grandma, but most importantly she is WORTHY of so much more than the life she’s trapped in.

Pornography was holding my husband’s attention and we did not realize HOW much it was wrecking our marriage. After a few months in marriage counseling my husband and the best marriage counselor on the entire planet came to the same conclusion.

Pornography was the culprit and was destroying our marriage. There is just NO place for it anywhere. Anywhere.

But the problem is that even soft porn is EVERYWHERE. He has to “bounce” his eyes a lot. The sad thing is you cannot UNsee what you saw. Yes God CAN take the images out of your head but sometimes our brains hold onto stuff when we don’t even want it there anymore.

Even now, 4 years after he’s been able to break free from that trap, and it absolutely IS a TRAP, set on purpose to enslave you forever, there are many times that the residual effects crawl out of the corners of the darkness and claw at our marriage threatening to destroy it.

One thing we’ve noticed is that after we’d be together, he wouldn’t speak to me much for about 3 days. This was killing me. I felt like he didn’t care. He sure cared enough a few days ago. He didn’t even realize he was doing it. We figured out together that it was from the past of seeing pornography and then the shame from it just overwhelmed him. Well, if he’s feeling that shame, he may not want to talk to me because it hurt me and he knows it.

But this was our marriage and it was OKAY for him to be together with me. God designed sex for married people. It’s fun and healthy when there is never another person or any other living, breathing anything involved in any way. As long as you both consent, and it’s ONLY you, your spouse, and God, then pretty much your imagination is the limit.

But the trap that pornography IS does THIS kinda damage and lots of it. Sometimes we’re not even aware of as the cycle keeps on going;  Together. He ignores me for 3 days. I feel like I’m invisible.  And this is only ONE example of the damage pornography does.

If you are upset with me for writing about this I apologize. Our kids hear WAY yucky stuff from kids at school, online, and unfortunately we as parents and people at churches mostly don’t talk about healthy sexuality but we MUST talk to our kids. They WILL learn about stuff somewhere and aren’t YOU the very best person to talk to him or her about such important things? I believe that you are.

So I’m just putting this in here to say I’m very sorry if it offends someone to talk about pornography. It unfortunately is a bigger problem than lots of people realize and we just have to take off our blinders and masks and get down to the stuff satan uses to attack our families every day. It’s not easy to talk sometimes but we just gotta.

This may be a forever thing my husband has to work on and I am willing to be here for him and with him. He’s worked very hard to walk away from that.  In fact, he actually ONLY was able to break free because of God’s help.

I’m so proud of him learning to bounce his eyes and save ALL of his desire just for me, his wife.

There’s NO better way to tell a woman she’s beautiful than this very thing.

It’s been a really tough thing to do and with God’s help he was able to get out of that hell. He’s also a great man for other men to talk to about this subject and many have asked his advice and asked about what books have helped him on this journey of freedom.

~
My husband wanted to add to this story:
~
Well my awesome wife posted a story about some of our journey today. After reading what she had written I thought there were a few things that needed to be added so here it goes.

I’m a preacher’s kid and have been in and around church my whole life.

As some of you know we are moving to Alaska. We feel we are being led there. I won’t go in to all the details just now but there have been a lot of things happen and it seems God wants us to go to Alaska and these days I am all about faith. I have turned into a faith-junky-God-loving-Jesus-freak and I can’t see being any other way.

I guess my story starts off around 16 when someone gave me my first pornography video. From that point on life was all about sex.

Around age 21 I went to prison for armed robbery. Why would I get in to armed robbery? Well it all falls back to me not liking me and that is a story in itself. I’ll tell you that one later.

On my way out of prison I went to a work release. It’s a place where the city gives the state a place to put prisoners and in return the prisoners work for the state. My last job working there was for the city electric company and while I really learned a lot, the problem is that’s where my pornography problem picked back up.

The guys there found out I was good at fixing things like TVs and computers so they started bringing computers for me to fix and equipment for me to build new ones. Well guess what? When I went in – no internet. Now there is internet. For those of you who don’t remember, when the internet first came out if you did a search online and you spelled the word wrong it would pull up pornography websites. People who know me know I am the worst speller ever. By the time I got out of prison and was at this job my pornography problem was bigger than ever.

To shorten the story I will jump to me and Kerri getting married. Kerri and I knew each other as teenagers in different church youth groups.  We didn’t know who we were to each other back then.  I have always loved Kerri deeply but there is no way a wife can match up to a fantasy in any way. Through our marriage I worked on beating my addiction to porn and the longer I was married the more I saw the damage it was doing. I got to the point where I only stumbled every great once in a while.

The problem was the effects after watching it were not going away. I prayed and prayed for God to take it from me and to make me see my wife in a new way.

The strangest thing happened. Kerri and I started going to a new church and they were talking about doing a “mustard seed offering.” Up until this point we had given off and on when there was extra money to be given but we had never made a commitment.

The day they took up the mustard seed offering they gave everyone a packet of mustard seeds and they told everyone to write on the packet things that wanted God to do for them. My first two things on the list were a better relationship with God and a better relationship with my wife and kids. Since then we give out of every paycheck, bonus, and gift.

Lately my wife has been asking me what has gotten into me. Why am I liking her so much? Why am I doing things I have never done? And I told her it’s all because of God and my better relationship with Him.

So if you have something you are praying about and nothing seems to be happening maybe it’s your lack of faith that is stopping things from happening. Maybe you’re not being able to move on from a sin you’re struggling with because you’re not acting on faith or maybe you’re not letting go so God can take control.

So here’s my challenge to you; If there is something in your life you have not acted on because of some reason take a leap of faith, put it in God’s hands and see how wonderfully your life changes.

~
It’s sad when some people react to us like, “DUDE! Don’t they ‘know better’ than to say that kinda stuff?!” Our reaction is, “Dude, don’t you know YOU NEED to talk about that kinda stuff?! You NOT talking about it could be stopping someone God has put in your path who needs healing, but because you are afraid to speak, you are not helping them.”