I have about 2 hundred cousins. Not really. But when I was a kid it seemed that way.
One time when I was a little girl, I was so excited that we were going to visit my very favorite cousin’s house. His name is the same as mine; only he spells it C-a-r-e-y.
They had a playhouse in the back yard that was used for storage mostly but that was okay because that made it be a better haunted house. It was also a castle, a fortress, or whatever you wanted it to be. It was 2 stories tall and you could climb stairs inside to the top where there was a little wooden hatch door and sort of a balcony place and you could stand at the top of the world and daydream. It was a beautiful little house.
They also had a swingset. I loved playing there, especially with my favorite cousin, Carey.
Only THIS visit was different.
On this visit; this was the moment the enemy started telling me I was nothing.
My cousin pushed my sister on the swings. But he wouldn’t push me. Then, as he pushed her, he chanted, “Yay, Jenny!” “Boo, Kerri.” “Yay, Jenny!” “Boo, Kerri.”
My little heart broke.
Didn’t he know he was my favorite cousin – my favorite person – in the whole world? Why would he do this?
That was the first time I remember someone (someone I admired) being blatantly unkind to me. It was quite a shock to my little system.
He was probably trying to be silly or tease me but it hurt like I’ll never forget.
“Joking” should be fun for all involved; if not, then it changes from “joking” to “bullying.” (Don’t worry. I asked Carey for his permission to share this. I’m not trying to disrespect him or pay him back. I love him still. He was just someone the enemy used to start my life on the path to believe I was nothing.)
(And then satan worked many more years until I fully believed I was absolutely 100% nothing. There is too much to write in one story -I’ll share more as God leads me to- but I know the very moment satan had fully tricked me into believing his lies. I was being raped. I was 22 and I remember believing right then, “This is all I’m for? I am nothing.” THE ENEMY WAS WRONG. But he’s very clever in his tricks and how he custom-designs them for each person.)
I know the “Boo, Kerri,” time was before I was 9 years old. Not because I wrote down the date but because I remember well what happened later.
When I was 9 years old, I was sexually molested by an uncle who married into the family. That lasted 7 years.
I don’t know why I didn’t tell. Maybe I thought nobody would believe me. I do remember feeling like I was special in some way. Special is FAR from the truth when it comes to sexual molestation. There is NOTHING special about it. It is SICK. Touching any child in a sexual way is purely and completely sick.
I know there are many others who didn’t tell when stuff like this happened to them – and I’m guessing there are probably as many reasons people don’t tell as there are people it has happened to. Every situation is unique and I pray every person finds healing.
At that time, (and for many years) I thought just my innocence was stolen. I was wrong.
He stole my confidence, too.
The only reason I realized it had been stolen was because God just gave me my confidence back about a year ago. I’m now 46.
God gave me my confidence back and then He pushed me out of my comfort zone and showed me He has a job for me to do. He moved me into the terrifying wide space of the internet so that I would be a voice to tell you that YOU are VERY worthwhile.
You are very important and YOU MATTER. I will spend the rest of my life telling you that you matter. Because you DO.
Somebody – or maybe somebodies – told you or treated you like you were nothing. They were wrong.
Whatever happened to you matters. How you feel about it matters. And what you do with it next matters, too.
You are very important. Why would satan work so hard to make you believe his lies if God didn’t have important things for you to do in this life?
Why would satan waste his time on you if you truly were “nothing?”
The answer is, he wouldn’t.
You must be quite a threat to that old devil for him to spend so long convincing you to lie down and shut up.
This is the year you need to get up. 2015.
Please get up?
~~> People need to hear your story so they know they’re not alone in theirs. <~~
You can help people find healing just by sharing your story. You do not have to do this alone. God will nudge you to share your story when you need to. You’ll know when and who needs to hear it.
Please ask God what He wants you to do today ~ every day. He has SUCH great plans for your life. I believe this about you. Now, it’s time for you to believe this about you.
God can restore what was stolen.
My confidence was stolen along with my innocence and I lived without it for about 35 years. If God can give me my confidence back, I know He can do miracles in your life, too. Ask Him.
Please get up. This broken world needs you.
Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.