Whatever happened to bury you this deep, I’m really sorry.
Life’s blows with the enemy’s help have treated you unfairly and you put up a wall.
Then you added another.
Until you built a VERY impressive battleground.
If people come near you (I mean the real you) they may -or may not- step on a landmine.
But that’s up to YOU whether it’s a landmine or you just give them a shove to knock them down for a minute (or if you want to shut them up for longer, that’s still your choice.)
YOU get to have that control.
And nobody can take that control from you!
You feel safe there.
And the truth is… NOBODY can make you come out.
NOBODY can break into THIS kind of castle!
But… the world isn’t the same with you locked away in this castle façade of a prison.
The enemy surely knew what he was doing when he isolated you.
I mean, he even made you think it was a castle.
If he made you believe it was a prison you were actually building, would you have kept working on it?
He recognized that you are a threat to him so he took his (your) time, keeping you busy with it for a quite a while starting from a young age.
However it started, it was pretty upsetting!
Maybe it started with bullying from other kids. Maybe the beginning was that someone sexually molested you. Maybe it started with someone you trusted with all your heart. Maybe the very first memory of the pain was because of your own parents; the ones God assigned to you didn’t do their jobs how He’d rather they do. Oh and that boss! And that job! And THAT co-worker… And don’t forget that teacher! My wife! My husband! Don’t get me started about the time…
I know it probably took more than one thing to build such a massive, impenetrable, solid place.
And it probably took years to get it just right so that you never have to show anyone your tender heart exposed underneath it all. NOBODY can make you forgive!
You don’t even have to give out genuine, kind WORDS.
Those you get to have control over, too.
Muah Ha Ha!! Nobody can have your words! Nobody!
Because they may hurt you.
You’re probably right.
They may. They are human, too.
And when you feel lonely, just to keep people close (but not TOO close… but you don’t really want them to leave… but of course you don’t want them to know that…) you can just throw a few kind words out behind you as you run out the door. I mean, you can’t actually FACE them AND tell them the way you really love them and hope they never leave you, can you? (You know, in case they use them against you.)
Your words are yours, alone, to do with whatever YOU choose.
Whatever it was, I will admit that the craftsmanship of this fort is to be admired. I’ll give you that.
You’ve got that heart locked up tight and whenever people get too close, you sabotage it somehow (even subconsciously) so they can’t get in.
You designed layer upon layer of what seems like protection but through clear eyes – or clear sinuses – it’s actually moldy, crusty, years of caked on STENCH.
And the only one who can’t smell it…. is……… you.
It affects everyone around you.
Don’t worry if people know not to mess with you. They DO. People who need your support, love, or kindness, have suffered. THAT’S for sure! Part of the problem is that you can’t actually hear what other people are really saying to you even when they’re praising you because the walls are so thick that their words are muffled.
Of course you didn’t do this on PURPOSE.
THAT would be kinda… silly.
By now…. it’s just….. what you do.
It’s how you do life.
(If you can call this living, really.)
I don’t blame you for this.
You have your reasons.
But – I think the enemy has stolen enough of your time.
Don’t you think so?
Isn’t it heavy to keep carrying all that?
Your shoulders have GOT to be exhausted because of all that stuff weighing you down.
You kinda walk differently now. God designed you with joy in your step but the enemy stole that joy.
I sure would like to see your new walk. It will be a beautiful thing. And it’s going to feel great!
God’s been patiently waiting for you to give these VERY heavy burdens and broken pieces to Him for a while now.
But He’s not going to rush you.
That’s not His style.
He realizes there is some real pain that sent you into this place.
But —- the important jobs God wrote into your very being that ONLY YOU CAN DO aren’t getting done.
He’s surely going to be excited that you’ll begin asking Him what that looks like now. This, I know.
What if… you ask HIM to help break down that amazing fortress you’ve spent precious moments perfecting… and HE helps you build a different kind around you?
Like, what if it wasn’t a dangerous place for others OR for you?
What if you ask Him to help you build a safe house with angels to surround you?
What if that safe house was built with grace and mercy instead of explosives and stone walls?
After all, He’s pretty big and He loves you more than ANYone else possibly ever could.
What if HE helps you?
It doesn’t even have to be a leap of faith.
It can be a tiny, baby step of faith that He is who He says He is; your Provider, your Comforter, your HEALER, and your Savior.
HE is safe.
Break it down!
Your most powerful weapon; forgiveness!
Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
You are so missed!