Please Stop Shaming People and Start Helping People

It’s a trap. Sin is a trap. Make no mistake; the enemy is very clever. The sins that trap you are tailored just for you. It’s what satan does.

We get it. We know you didn’t realize what you were getting into when you started down this road. If you had known how it would bury you like this, you wouldn’t have chosen it. I believe that’s the truth.

Now, you may have “felt” like you were not worth enough NOT to head down this path.

THAT couldn’t be further from the truth. You are VERY worthwhile.

That’s another way that satan tricks people. That old devil tricks people into believing they don’t deserve to enjoy this life in healthy ways. Some people have told me they went back to something that wasn’t good for them BECAUSE they felt they deserved less. That breaks my heart.

YOU ARE VERY WORTHWHILE. (You don’t have to take my word for it. Jesus says so. He died FOR YOU.)

Pornography, for example, is a trap and the very nature of its design is to hook you and hold you, deaden your senses to beautiful sex the way God designed it, and keep you afraid to speak.

It is OKAY to ask for help. It is NOT weak. It actually takes courage to ask for help. <~~~ Think about that.

It may take talking with several people about a problem before you find someone who realizes we are not strong enough on our own to help others. We can help others BECAUSE of Jesus.

Personal story: When I was a little girl, someone molested me for years. Why didn’t I tell? I think I felt special. But he was treating me anything BUT special. It was ugly. And wrong. Now, some would argue that it’s not “fair” or “Christian” that I won’t let my children be around this person because we are called to forgive. I do forgive. But to let my children be around him would be unwise and would not be using the sense God gave me.  Because this was a crime against a child, I believe it would be bad idea.

I tell you a moment of my story to include that there ARE consequences to sin and that’s life in this broken world. Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean being unwise. God gives us senses for a reason.

I’m frustrated when well-meaning Christians shame someone by saying, “Well you should have known better. Too bad you messed up so badly. You’re going to hell.”

No. That’s NOT okay. And if you’re wondering if I’m talking to Christians, I am. I am especially talking to Christians. The world is looking to US to make a difference and to give them hope. Please do it. Speak life; not death.

What if, instead of shaming, we said, “Yes. That was wrong. I’m very sorry that happened in your life but God uses EVERYTHING. This time was NOT wasted. I expect more from you now. I know you can overcome this because Jesus is real and prayer works.  I will be praying over your life. You pray about it, too. God will use this part of your life to help someone else.”

It’s time to help pick each other up and stop shaming each other when we mess up.

We KNOW what we’re doing is wrong or else we wouldn’t feel the desire to HIDE it. Just like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, they knew something they did was wrong and they hid.

God knows what you did. AND HE STILL LOVES YOU.

This is where repentance comes in and it very much matters.

The world is crying out for help.

Please, PLEASE stop shaming people and start helping.

Please stop gossiping and start loving.

EVERYBODY sins.

I am NO more perfect than YOU are. Zero percent more perfect.

~~~> YOU are zero percent more perfect that someone with different sins than yours. <~~~

EVERYBODY needs Jesus. When we ACT like we can “do” this life on our own we are not giving thanks or recognizing what Jesus’ sacrifice was even for; to redeem us.

He doesn’t call us to fight these battles on our own. We do NOT have to fight alone.

You don’t have to wonder if someone is already praying over you. I am.

God, please touch the life of this reader in ways he or she sees is You and Your Love. Please give the Peace that ONLY You can give. Please send very real help in times of trouble when satan is up to his old – or new – tricks. Thank you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. – Ephesians 6:12

 

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I didn’t even know if I WANTED to stop smoking.

I never thought I’d be free. I didn’t know I COULD be free.

And the biggest TRICK about it is I didn’t even know if I WANTED to be free.

I’m here to tell you that I do NOT miss it. Just a couple weeks ago I realized it’s been two years since I smoked. I’m not counting the days BECAUSE I don’t miss it. And you won’t miss it either.

It’s a trap. It’s a genius trap really. The creators of cigarettes and cigars fooled us. And we pay them our hard earned money to keep doing it. They KNEW what they were doing. We were naive. We tried it and then the world laughs and mocks us as we suffer.

Most people do not understand.

This was NOT your fault.

It doesn’t matter what color you are, what gender, what age, or what your belief about God is regarding the target audience. It is a trap designed for YOU. And once you’re there, you BELIEVE that you’re stuck because the world TELLS you you’re stuck. It’s the world that tells you that you cannot quit. It’s the world that tells you it’s hard to stop.

THE WORLD LIES.

You are NOT stuck.

You CAN be free.

You can breathe again and want to know something FUN about it?

You will NOT miss it. You are not “giving up” anything because there is nothing to give up. It IS easy and you CAN just put them down and never want them again.

How do I know?

Because I am living proof. Once you know this stuff, it helps you unlock your brain because that’s where the lock is. In your brain.

Most people don’t know HOW to talk to people who smoke. They cannot speak the language because they don’t understand what it’s all about. They go on and on about how bad it is for you and say, “Don’t you want to live?” and, “Here. Look at these dead lungs. You don’t want that to happen do you?” And telling me how much money I could save if I just quit doesn’t help me quit.

I know what it’s like. I lived it. On rainy days I was standing outside. On 30 degree days I was outside. On the hottest summer days, outside. There I was. Breathing in the poison and believing that I’d always do it.

It is a trap. It’s a trap with a lock.

And I needed a key.

Most people do not realize it is nothing more than a trap. Somebody telling me how bad it is for me does not give me the key to get out of the prison. By the time I’m stuck I already know it’s bad.

I asked for prayers at church. This guy said his sister-in-law swore by a book she’d read. I couldn’t bring myself to call her. I wanted to call her but…

What if it worked? What if I couldn’t smoke anymore?

What if it didn’t work? What if I did keep smoking?

I was trapped.

A guy realized what the trap is. He smoked 100 cigarettes a day and then realized WHY we do it and did not smoke any more. Just like THAT. Then he wrote this book. Want to know what it is called? The Easy Way To Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. (I don’t remember if he gives the glory to God for this book but I certainly give the glory to God for me being led to it!!)

You CAN be free!

Don’t know if you want to be free? That’s okay. Me too.

Don’t know what life would be like without it? That’s okay. I didn’t either. Maybe you like to smoke? I get that.

That is how powerful the world’s brainwashing is.

This guy UNbrainwashes you.

I will want this for you forever. Read it. What do you have to lose? Nothing. That is the answer. You have NOTHING to lose.

You can know that every day I’m praying for your freedom. You CAN be free. You just have to believe it. The belief is what is holding you captive. You WILL love your freedom. You CAN do it.

Now every day when I wake up there is a part of me that whispers, “Thank God I don’t have to do that today.”

And the great news is neither do you.

She is Somebody’s Daughter (Pornography)

My marriage was attacked by brokenness.

Women who pose in pornography films and magazines are broken inside. Period. If you could just see the pain inside the heart of the girl in the porn video or magazine, you’d ache for her with a different part of you. You’d want to help her find healing. You’d treat her like the Child of God that she really is. She just doesn’t believe it yet or know that she really is yet.

She is somebody’s daughter. She is someone’s niece, aunt, sister, mom, grandma, but most importantly she is WORTHY of so much more than the life she’s trapped in.

Pornography was holding my husband’s attention and we did not realize HOW much it was wrecking our marriage. After a few months in marriage counseling my husband and a very great marriage counselor came to the same conclusion.

Pornography was destroying our marriage.

She was so wise. She said, “There is just NO place for it anywhere.” (I pray you have wise counselors who give this advice because I’ve heard of ones who don’t and that’s very unfortunate.)

But the problem is that even soft porn is EVERYWHERE. He has to “bounce” his eyes a lot. The sad thing is you cannot UNsee what you saw. Yes God CAN take the images out of your head but sometimes our brains hold onto stuff long after we don’t even want it there anymore.

Even now, 4 years after he’s been able to break free from that trap, and it absolutely IS a TRAP, set on purpose to enslave you forever, there are many times that the residual effects crawl out of the corners of the darkness and claw at our marriage threatening to destroy it.

One thing we’ve noticed is that after we’d be together, he wouldn’t speak to me much for about 3 days. This was killing me. I felt like he didn’t care. He sure cared enough a few days ago. After I finally figured this part out he said he didn’t even realize he was doing it. We figured out together that it was from the past of seeing pornography and then the shame from it just overwhelmed him. Well, if he’s feeling that shame, he may not want to talk to me because it hurt me and he knows it.

But this was our marriage and it was OKAY for him to be together with me. God designed sex for married people. It’s fun and healthy when there is never another person or any other living, breathing anything involved in any way. As long as you both consent, and it’s ONLY you, your spouse, and God, then pretty much your imagination is the limit.

But the trap that pornography IS does THIS kinda damage and lots of it. Sometimes we’re not even aware of as the cycle keeps on going;  Together. He ignores me for 3 days. I feel like I’m invisible.  And this is only ONE example of the damage pornography does.

He said this may be a forever thing he has to work on and he actually ONLY was able to break free because of God’s help.

 

If you are upset with me for writing about this I apologize. Kids hear stuff from other kids and teachers at school, online, at work, in youth group even, and unfortunately we as parents and people at churches mostly don’t talk about healthy sexuality but we MUST talk to our kids. They WILL learn about stuff somewhere and aren’t YOU the very best person to talk to him or her about such important things? I believe you are.

So I’m just putting this in here to say I’m very sorry if it offends someone to talk about pornography. It unfortunately is a bigger problem than lots of people realize and we have to take off blinders and masks and get rid of stuff satan uses to attack our families every day. It’s not easy to talk sometimes but we just have to.

 

I didn’t know I was trapped.

As he drove by he yelled out his car window to me, “How’s the stopping smoking going?”

I yelled excitedly, “I’m FREE!”

Wait.  That was a weird answer.  Free?  I didn’t know I was trapped.

When we started talking about the fact that we were struggling with smoking and my husband wanted to stop so he wanted me to stop too, people (especially at church) were uncomfortable that we asked for prayers about it. It’s just not the sort of thing church folks talk about (unfortuntately.)

I didn’t know if I COULD stop. I didn’t even know if I WANTED to stop.

(I mean, what if I couldn’t stop?

And more scary… What if I COULD??? What would life look like then?)

After we asked for prayers a guy told me his sister-in-law had a book she swears by.

 

Days later, after I finally had courage to call her, she drove to meet me within the same hour and she brought this book to me. I was so humbled and touched. I was sobbing uncontrollably as my tears flooded that parking lot and I asked her WHY she would stop her day just for me. She said because she knew how important this was.

She stood there telling me she KNEW she would never smoke again.

I just stared at her.

How could I get THERE?

How could she possibly know that she’d never smoke again?

I wanted to be THERE.

 

If you smoke, you keep smoking AS you read the book.

Crazy, right?  I know.

I read 1/2 of the book and have stopped smoking forever.

THAT is freedom and I am SO glad I said I was having trouble.

That present from a stranger is and maybe will always be the very best present anyone ever gave me.

It was a simple thing, really.

But she knew the deep hell that smoking was.

She spoke love to me that day because she stopped what she was doing which showed me I was valuable in some way and gave me the key I desperately needed even though I wasn’t sure if I believed in it yet.

I’m convinced that this is what God means when He says we are to be His hands and feet.  She was an angel sent to me that day.  This I know for sure.

This book helps people who DON’T smoke understand more about WHY people smoke.

It also helps people who do NOT smoke be able to talk with people who DO smoke in a way we may listen better.

It’s NOT fun to talk about smoking especially to a non-smoker because they just don’t get it.  You know the looks people give that they are obviously “better than you are.”  Yeah, non-smoker dudes, THAT’S NOT gonna help.  So here’s the best tool I’ve found for just this kinda conversation. [The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr.]

Shoving pictures of dead lungs in our faces just doesn’t do anything.

You don’t get it.

It’s a TRAP!

A trap VERY cleverly designed with TONS of awful media, movies, ignorance, and tobacco companies supporting the chains and locks.

Showing a squirrel who is stuck in a trap a picture of a dead squirrel won’t help it get free.

My husband was able to stop with God and willpower.  That’s awesome!

Any way out is awesome.

I read a book.

HOW many people read a book and stop smoking?!  They don’t advertise this book anywhere but word of mouth.  I am living testimony that it works.  It was the key to freedom for me. That was over 1 1/2 years ago now.  The funny thing is the book title. It’s easy to remember.

The book is called The EASY Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. This is the BEST book for stopping smoking and getting free from the stupid trap that smoking is.  Forever!

This author went from smoking 100 cigarettes a day to ZERO and then wrote this book.  He figured out the answers.  PRAISE GOD!!

 

It’s sad when some people react like, “DUDE! Don’t you ‘know better’ than to say that kinda stuff?!” My answer is, “DUDE, don’t you know YOU NEED to talk about that kinda stuff?!” You NOT talking about it COULD be stopping someone God has put in your path who needs healing, but because you are afraid to speak, you are not helping them. Your testimony, no matter how big or small you think it is, is the key to unlock someone else’s hell.