It’s not that it hasn’t been interesting and I know we got a lot done together.
But you are in the way. You are not really my friend.
You tell me what to do every day and when I don’t get it all done, you beat me up at the end of the day telling me that I didn’t do everything I needed to do.
But who are you to tell me what I need to get done today?
I’ve had enough.
It’s probably not even your fault.
It’s mine for believing you and I are the ones who can do the most good with my time.
But God has only given me a certain amount of time and I cannot get any more of it.
So you have to go.
God knitted into me my purpose and you have distracted me and stolen too much.
Until I started asking Him to take my to-do list and show me what HE wants for my days, you were my idol.
You are not my god.
I’m not going to worship you anymore.
God is my God and I haven’t been putting Him first most of my life and asking Him what HE wants me to do each day.
See? He says The Holy Spirit is here to guide me and I believe Him.
The days I ask HIM to lead me are the MOST satisfying days in every way (even though usually I didn’t do what you told me to do or even what what I thought I needed to get done.)
The most UNsatisfying days are the ones where I try to do stuff MY WAY and in MY TIMING.
It’s funny. I have found that usually the thing I can’t get out of my mind is the very thing I actually need to be focusing on, but most of the time until now I’ve pushed that stuff out of the way to stay on schedule – for you.
What God has shown me is that I don’t have to try to figure out how the days are going to look.
My friends cannot open doors He’s shut.
And my enemies cannot shut doors He’s opened for me.
I know. You probably don’t think I’m perfect enough for God.
You wonder if He even wants me.
And the truth is I don’t have to be perfect.
My God is not looking for perfection. He is looking for people willing to give Him their time – giving their lives as a living sacrifice for what HE wants and not just doing what we want or what other people tell us we have to do.
It’s okay if you forget or throw this letter in the trash.
Because if I forget, then tomorrow, I will wake up and break up with you all over again.
I remember the waves of sadness that would crash over me. There wasn’t any rhyme or reason so I’d know when to expect the next one.
There may be a song or a moment or words spoken and the waves of sadness threatened to take me under. It was so hard to breathe. I may be in a store or in the library. I had go to my car and get out of there because I couldn’t stop the tears – or the pain.
Sobbing uncontrollably in public isn’t fun.
People usually don’t know what to say when someone is going through a divorce. It’s almost as uncomfortable for them as it is for the people going through it. (Almost.)
A few years after I’d cried the last of the seven million tears and healed from my divorce, my Uncle Dale visited me. He was going through some deep grieving over the end of his marriage.
I sat with him and we talked. We prayed together. Of course we cried together. I hugged him and THEN I said it; The words I never thought would have left my mouth (and shocked that I’d even THINK them,) “I’m so glad I’ve been divorced so I can help you through this.”
I mean, WHAT?!
I couldn’t believe I said that.
Those words just left my mouth.
I HEARD what I’d said… and I MEANT it.
I was never EVER glad to be divorced in ANY way – until that moment.
Someone was hurting ~ and I understood the pain. ~ I could be there for him and help in some way that others couldn’t.
That’s what it’s all about. If we hide the stuff we’ve been through in our lives how can we help someone else?
You don’t have to wonder how you’ll know who needs your story.
God leads people to each other all the time. Ask Him who and when.
Your seven million tears have a purpose even bigger than helping you heal from your pain.
Your life matters. Your story matters. How you feel about it all matters. What matters next is what you will do with it.
God gives us our talents and jobs and He equips us to do stuff He calls us to do.
And He gives us the tools to do our jobs. Sometimes we may not even understand how to use the tools He gives us. When we let go and ask Him WHY, WHAT, and HOW to do the jobs He’s given us, life usually gets better and makes more sense.
Sometimes people don’t understand all you’re doing and why and that’s okay. God’s not leading them to walk your life. You just have faith and courage to listen and use the tools He’s given you.
It’s not easy and if somebody told you it is, then maybe someone lied to you. But it IS worth it.
Ask God what He’s wanting you to do. Uncomfortably, many times it has to do with the trash and not fun stuff in our lives but that’s okay because He is God and He can turn our trash into beauty. He’s the only One who can do this. Ask Him and Trust Him. I know you have the courage to do this.
The wind and the waves and the sharks and the snakes ARE definitely out there. Keep your eyes on Jesus.