Once upon a time a woman gave birth to a wonderful baby girl.
They were very close and loved to spend time doing life together and serving other people as opportunities presented themselves. Mom and Daughter had a healthy relationship, each praying through the days and figuring out how life works best for their sweet family.
They went through some pretty rough times and always knew they could trust each other and enjoyed time together in the middle of a world that worships chaos over being still.
The daughter grew and when she turned 21 a sudden, unwelcome, and unsolicited weight – heavier than either one of them could have expected – fell onto their shoulders.
Invisible threads of other people’s brainwashed beliefs; the toxic whispers woven together, screaming insults as leverage, tried to pry them apart and steal precious time away from them.
It happened quicker than anything, without notice, culture quietly roaring, demanding the unnatural death of a bond that our God, Himself, created.
Everyone’s expectations of the mother and daughter were like grains of quicksand threatening to drown them and pull them apart trying to suffocate the relationship right out of them.
I’ve talked with mothers who have outlived their children and they say every single day is valuable and nothing should be allowed to steal moments away from them because
Yet both mom and daughter in this story are still very much alive. Somehow as if overnight and 21 Candles Later with no time to adjust, it was somehow no longer okay with anyone else except the daughter (whose opinion should matter most in this scenario) for mom to do things to care for this young lady.
Navigating this Calling called “Mom” became even more confusing than ever before.
Beware of listening to the garbage that other people would carelessly condition you into believing because the devil, himself, wants to cause dissolution any way he can.
Think about it.
If a dad took his daughter her lunch at work he’d be seen as a loving hero.
If a sister ran an errand for her it wouldn’t get negative attention.
If a friend picked her up from work this would be okay.
If a roommate gave a ride to her nobody would think anything of it.
If a boyfriend brought her jacket to her it would be precious.
If a husband dropped off medicine the young woman forgot at home it would be seen as charming.
But if a mom of a 21 year old daughter does any of these things, people say she’s doing too much for her.
Please read that again.
How is this even a thing in our culture?
The truth is that my daughter also happens to be
my sister in Christ,
and my best friend…. (both daughters are these to me.)
I write this after weeks (and months) of praying and sifting through this mess of lies.
So, I went to the best example I could find.
Our Father in Heaven calls us His children.
And guess what else?
When we’re older adults guess what? He STILL calls us His children.
Jesus calls us His friend.
And He wants to be so close to us that The Holy Spirit takes this relationship even a step further by indwelling in people who choose Jesus.
For a mom who has a daughter around age 21, the world says mom should not be in her life anymore. (And for ages 18 or 19 or in her 20s… I’m talking to you too.)
If a mom does something for her daughter she’s persecuted by too many people for caring for her the same as she’s been doing ….for the last 21 years.
A mom who has prayed over this girl for a hundred billion hours and stayed up endless nights as nobody else has for her… Why would anyone think the bond should be suddenly extinguished? Where did they get this nonsense? Perhaps people could benefit from searching why they think the way they do; where the beliefs come from.
If you’re a mom of a 21 year old daughter you may just be up against a new part of life as you have never known it before and it may not be a choice either of you wished to make.
I have heard that some people always like to scrutinize everything anyone says about anything.
Don’t you think people would have some more important things to do than to criticize you and persecute you for what you think or say?
Think about this. (It’s a theory I’m considering and it just could be more true than people care to admit.)
If people can talk about you or laugh about you it may be the only way they can find to distract themselves long enough to laugh.
I think people do that because they are afraid to work on their own lives.
You are mature enough, secure enough, and resilient enough to let others’ nervous, weak, and foolish gossip brush right past you like brushing a tiny, annoying bug away from your shoulder.
Our CULTure has some crazy ideas how a mom and daughter relationship should look.
I’m not sure if it’s the same with a mom of a son. I’m a mom of girls so I’m writing from this view.
Dear Mom of a 21 Year Old Daughter,
You are still doing very important work. You are a friend, confidant, counselor, physician… And a healthy relationship is still important.
Regardless of what this country, this world, has started to accept as normal or tries to tell you that you “should” do (or not do) you still have some important influence and your 21 year old daughter is as precious as she ever has been and still may want and desperately need your guidance.
Take a breath, shake off what junk this culture has tried to pile onto you, and pray through maneuvering this life.
And remember our Example, Jesus, did not create distance pushing us away as we age, but instead HE still calls us “friend.”
Jesus could have called us anything and HE chose to call us friend.
Dear 21 Year Old Daughter,
You are precious and it’s okay if you still want to be close with your mom.
This world is a wonderful and big place and it’s still cool to have a healthy relationship with your mom.
Please be careful of the voices you listen to and stay in prayer for healthy relationships for your life even if the world is screaming for you to be completely independent.
Jesus is our greatest Example and He draws closer to us when we draw close to Him. He is ALL about relationship. And He does not leave us to figure things out on our own.
As intelligent and able as you are I still pray for a healthy relationship for you with your mom (or mom-figure in your life) and to know how very much you are loved and you are not expected to do this life alone.